


Picture perfect

by chasingpegasus



Category: Formula 1 RPF
Genre: F/M, Minor Character Death, Slow Romance, this is not going to be a short
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-05
Updated: 2020-06-10
Packaged: 2020-11-22 22:02:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,526
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20881373
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/chasingpegasus/pseuds/chasingpegasus
Summary: So you want to be an F1 photographer? Great, but this fic is not about photography. It's about making Sebastian yours, body and soul.





	1. Imagine that

**Author's Note:**

> I dedicate this fic to all my fellow Vettelians on tumblr. Especially those who hate the moustache.
> 
> Please, leave comments to keep me motivated. I'm open for suggestions. You can also check my blog on tumblr for fresh Seb related content.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Just an accident that will change your life.

There’s a human wall in front of you. Men with cameras blocking the view, not an inch of space between them, each of them forcefully guarding his spot. They are tough enough to stand their ground against the pushing and shoving, but if you get any closer, their elbows will give you a concussion.

_What an idiot! What was I thinking? That they will let me through to the first row because I’m a girl? That they will find me cute? Me and my cheap camera that’s actually the most expensive item that I possess_ _?_

You’re thinking about the money you’ve spent to get to this place. About the job you must do to satisfy the people who paid for your paddock pass. You’re not going to do the job unless you somehow punch through that human wall.

The crowd livens up, tension grows to a point of rudeness, tenths of lens shutters clicking in front of you.

There’s no time. You have to do something. If you don’t move, you won’t take any photos for sure.

You try to squeeze between two smaller photographers, the elbow of the one on the left digs into your shoulder. He doesn’t even notice. You barely dodge a second jab.

“Lewis! Look at me, Lewis!” The photographers are shouting to attract some gazes.

“Sebastian! Here!”

_Sebastian…_

Half-crouched you manage to force your into the crowd. Someone’s cursing behind your back, the man in front steps on your foot, momentarily loses balance, his backpack knocks the camera out of your hands. You lunge after it, ignoring the swearing and pushing.

Something hard hits you on the head. A searing pain in your temples makes you nauseous. Human wave is weighing you down and pushing you to the ground.

“Back off!”

“She kicked me! I was here first.”

“Yeah, she was asking for it. She was pushing everyone like an idiot.”

“Back off, you’re crashing her!”

_My camera…_

You’re lying on the ground, the taste of dirt and blood in your mouth.

Someone’s grabbing you by the arm and pulling you up. It’s happening too rapidly for your confused brain and the world starts spinning. You can’t keep up.

* * *

Your head is throbbing with pain. Your mouth is dry, and you feel a burning sensation on your palms and knees.

You open your eyes. You’re in a white room, looks like a small emergency room.

As you remember what happened, you lift your head and look around for your belongings. You spot only your backpack.

There’s something on your mouth. You touch it, carefully. Turns out it’s your own swollen lip, heavy and hot. You remember the taste of blood, so there must be a cut on the lip, but it’s not bleeding.

Your teeth hurt as you touch them carefully, but you can’t feel any gaps.

A woman in a white uniform enters the room. “Oh, nice to have you back.” She asks you to confirm your name and then hands you your pass. “Do you remember what happened?”

“Yes. I was stupid. Do you know where my camera is?” Your battered lip gives you a minor lisp.

The woman looks around. “I have no idea. But I’m sure the guys who brought you here will know something.”

“The guys…”

“Yes, two Ferrari guys. The tall one carried you all the way up here.”

“Where is here?”

“We’re in the medical centre. Is there someone who can come and get you? A friend or a family member?”

“Ehm… no, I’m alone.”

The woman sighs. “You have a small cut on your lip. The swelling should disappear in a day or two. You need to be careful while eating to keep it clean. I’ve also applied liquid bandage spray to your knees and palms.”

You nod, picking yourself up to a sitting position. The skin on your palms stings, you will have to be careful with handling objects.

“I can’t release you yet if you don’t have anyone to keep an eye on you.”

“How long do I have to stay here?”

“Well… at least a couple of hours.”

“How can I contact the guys who brought me here?”

The woman hands you a piece of paper. “They left a phone number. Do you still have your phone?”

“Yes… I hope…” You grab your backpack, once again realizing that your hands are extremely sensitive. Your smartphone is inside. You pick it up and look at the piece of paper. There’s a name written next to the number. Fabrizio.

You recall a mechanic of that name from Sebastian’s garage. He's taking care of the tyres when they are not on the car. And he’s very tall.

“Can I have some water?”

“Of course.” The lady walks up to the bed and grabs a cup that you could’ve easily picked up yourself. “Here.”

Your hand is shaking a bit, but not because of your injuries. You tell yourself to stay calm. If you'll look confused and shaky, that woman will never let you out of here.

You empty the cup and give it back to the woman who refills it and places it on a small table next to you.

You need to call Fabrizio. A guy who works for Sebastian Vettel. Not a big deal.

Just don’t think about him carrying you all the way from the paddock to the medical centre. He's a big dude and you’re quite small, so it probably wasn’t a difficult task… but still…

You feel ashamed. You don’t want to bother anyone, especially someone who’s probably busy.

What’s the point? What’s the point of anything? Your best chance of taking any pictures of the drivers today is gone because by the time the lady lets you out, the paddock will be deserted.

“You should call them. They left the number for you,” the woman encourages you before leaving the room.

She’s quite observant. Or maybe she wants to get rid of you, which is cool, because you don’t want to be here either.

You take a deep breath in, your heart accelerating with each number you press on your phone.

You can feel the warmth coming to your cheeks. You wait and wait, but Fabrizio is not picking up. Busy, for sure.

You decide to leave him a text message. “Hey, I wanted to thank you for bringing me to the medical centre. Please, give me a call.” You add your name and press send.

You feel so exhausted that you decide to lie down. You keep the phone in your hand.

All you can do is to wait and think. Anxious thoughts start coursing through your head. What were you thinking? Now you know why all the famous professional F1 photographers are men. Not small, feeble girls who still get asked for an ID. This place is not for you.

You’re expected to upload a series of photos of the F1 drivers in a couple of hours, but you don’t even have a camera!

You hear a female voice close to the door. That’s probably the nurse coming back. You quickly sit up to look awake and ready to leave. But the woman who enters the room is not dressed in white but in red.

As you recognize her, your heart makes a small jump in your chest. It’s Silvia Hoffer Frangipane, Ferrari’s Press Officer. The nurse accompanies her inside.

“Hi, how are you feeling?” Silvia makes a grimace. “Oh, that lip looks bad.”

“I’m alright,” you say, struggling to stay calm.

“Fabrizio can’t call you back because he’s busy. He told me what happened,” she turns to the nurse. “Is she free to leave?”

“Only if you promise to keep an eye on her for the rest of the day.”

“She can stay in our hospitality unit. I’ll make sure she’s not alone.”

“That’s fine by me. But if she feels dizzy or gets disoriented, bring her back to me, okay?”

Ha-ha, great. Because you’re feeling dizzy and disoriented right now! The Ferrari press officer is taking you to the Ferrari hospitality unit and you’ll be staying there for the rest of the day!

You could take a lot of pictures…

“Ehm… have you heard anything about my camera? I dropped it before I lost consciousness.”

“Yes. Unfortunately, it’s damaged. I asked Callo, our photographer to check if the memory card is still working.”

“It was empty anyway…” You force yourself to smile, because you don’t want Silvia to feel sorry for you. “Thank you for helping me,” you say. “I don’t want to waste your precious time.”

“Not a problem. Ladies in the paddock always stick together.”

As you put your feet on the ground and stand up, you feel a minor head spin.

“Is that your backpack?”

“Yes.”

Silvia picks up your things and offers you her arm to hold on to.

An actual Ferrari press officer!

You thank the nurse and leave the medical centre. With each step you take you can feel a sting of pain in your knees. You can only hope your wounds won’t start bleeding. You’re already feeling like a burden anyway.

“Fabrizio wanted to check on you,” Silvia says. “But he has other things to do. He said that you’re Sebastian’s fan.”

You make a surprised face. “How does he know that?” Was he going through your stuff?

“He said something about a tattoo.”

_Oh, great…_

You have "Vettel" tattooed on the inner side of your right wrist.

And by Silvia’s glance you realize that she knows exactly where the tattoo is.

It’s very small and easy to hide if you put a watch on, but you rarely wear watches.

“So… are you working for a magazine?” Silvia asks.

“A website. It’s my first GP…” The area around the medical centre is not crowded, unlike the paddock.

Silvia’s presence is drawing attention to you. And your swollen lip. You’re trying your best to cover it with a hand, but it looks obvious.

When you spot the red construction with a black prancing horse logo, your heart starts racing.

_What if… what if he’s there? He sometimes goes there…_

The idea of meeting Fabrizio is stressful enough, not to mention Sebastian.

“Are you okay?” Silvia slows down.

“I’m just overwhelmed… I don’t want to draw too much attention to… my face. And my knees.”

“You’ll be safe inside.”

_Well, that depends on who’s there._

It feels like the gates of heaven opening before you. The glass door to the Ferrari hospitality unit.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter 2 is almost ready; you won't have to wait long.


	2. He sees you

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fabrizio is the best. And Sebastian sees you for the first time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> (I'm a bit in a hurry to post this because I have stuff do to, but I hope there aren't many typos or worse things)
> 
> Thanks for all the supporting comments! I know there's not much about Sebastian yet, but if he falls in love in one second, it's not going to feel realistic, at least in my opinion. :)))

In the cafeteria there are five people who look like guests, same as you.

Silvia offers you a beverage; you ask if you can use the bathroom first.

“Sure. Giulia will take care of you later. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to ask.”

Giulia is standing next to a coffee machine, polishing a glass. “Nice to meet you,” she says after you tell her your name. “The bathroom is on the left."

“Thank you for everything,” you say to Silvia who gives you a rub on the shoulder.

“I’ll be back later. Can you promise me to stay inside?”

You remember that you’re under Ferrari’s care. “Of course.”

After Silvia leaves, you go to the bathroom and for the first time since the accident, you check your face in the mirror.

Your bottom lip is huge, but not in a good way because the swelling is only on one side. There’s also the cut, that only began to heal, and it can re-open any time.

_I look healthy_, you try to convince yourself, blushing at the thought of being inside the Ferrari motorhome.

You look like an excited teenager, even though you’re not a teenager anymore. Unlike many girls your age, you don’t wear makeup, which on one hand is quite handy and saves you time, but on the other – sometimes people don’t take you seriously.

You use the bathroom. You have liquid bandages on your palms, so you can’t wash your hands properly. You only rinse your fingers.

The rising sound of human voices comes from the other side of the door.

_A group tour? Or is it the team arriving for a break after free practice?_

Either way, it’s time to leave. You need to pick a place to sit. It needs to be in a corner. You have a gift when it comes to being invisible. It’s a gift that sometimes activates by itself and you wish it didn’t, but this time you will make a good use of it.

To your surprise, the cafeteria is already half-full of men dressed in red and there’s still a small crowd outside.

Head-down, you dive into the farthest corner, with a good view of the entrance. The table is for two and there’s a large plant standing next to it.

“I got scared for a second that you ran away.” Giulia approaches you with a cup of tea. She probably thought there was no point asking you if you want coffee because you’re too young to drink coffee.

“Why would I leave? I still can’t believe that I’m here,” you say, trying to keep your voice as low as possible.

_Go away, go away, you’ll give up my secret position._

Giulia returns to the coffee machine.

You sit low in the chair, your eyes discreetly scanning the area. You have a minor heart attack every time you recognize someone. These people, even though you’re not exactly a Ferrari fan, are like celebrities to you. Jock Clear, Inaki Rueda, Simone Resta and Mattia Binotto standing next to him and looking like a giant. Or a forty-something Harry Potter.

You feel the urge to pinch yourself to make sure you’re not dreaming. But instead of pinching, you bite your lip.

“Shit…” You reach for a tissue.

“There you are!”

You jump in your chair. It’s Fabrizio. His loud voice draws attention to your table, but luckily, he’s a big dude, and as he sits down opposite to you, you can use him as a human shield.

“And still bleeding…” He hands you another tissue. He has a strong accent that you find cute. “Do you want me to get you some ice?”

“No… it’s fine.” You press the tissue to your lip.

“I think that’s yours,” Fabrizio puts your camera on the table. It doesn’t look damaged from the outside. “Not working…”

You check yourself. The interface is not turning on as if the battery was dead, but when you look up closely you can see that…

“The lens is cracked,” Fabrizio says. “It probably fell right onto some dude’s heel and some of them wear, you know, metal, battle heels, to kick and stomp on their competition. It’s a rough job.”

“Where’s the memory card?”

“Callo has it, he should be around. So… show me the lip.”

The dude makes you feel warm inside. You move the tissue away.

“Looks better now, but don’t smile, don’t eat, don’t drink and don’t talk,” he laughs.

You can’t help but smile back and the cut starts bleeding again.

“Oh… fuck…”

Fabrizio keeps laughing and handing you more tissues.

Now you laugh too. The tissue is a good way to hide the swelling, so you don’t mind keeping it pressed to your lip.

“Thank you for getting me out of that crowd,” you say getting serious again. “I was stupid thinking that I can stand a chance against them.”

He’s nodding with a hint of smile on his face. “We were watching you, wondering… You looked like you wanted to steal their wallets.”

“What?!”

“Just joking, relax!”

He has a very infectious laugh and you enjoy talking to him.

Another person you recognize approaches your table. It’s Callo Albanese, Ferrari’s official photographer.

“I was looking for you,” he says, throwing a glance at your camera. “Here’s your memory card. It’s empty.”

“Yes, I know…”

“But it’s not damaged.”

“Well, I can’t use it anyway,” you sigh. “My camera lens is cracked, and I don’t even know if I can replace it.”

“Can’t help you with that. I’m using a different type of equipment.”

_Yeah, the professional type._

“We have a small camera in the garage. We use it to take pictures of tyre blisters and stuff like that,” Fabrizio says.

“She probably has a better camera in her phone,” Callo suggests.

“Noooo…” Fabrizio says in a very Italian way. “It’s a good camera. I can get it for you. Just give me five minutes.”

Callo shakes his head. “Ask him to delete any photos before you use it. The boys in the garage have a weird sense of humour.”

“I’ll remember that. And thank you for your help.”

“Well, I didn’t do much. Have a nice day. And… sorry that my colleagues treated you like that.”

“It’s okay,” you add with a smile. _It was worth it._

You are left alone. And you decide to take a sip of tea, but it turns out more difficult than you expected. The good news is that nobody is looking at you anymore.

Ferrari team members are eating. You can still hear conversations in Italian, but they are more subdued.

“Can I offer you some pasta?” Giulia interrupts your observations.

“No, I can’t eat yet.” You point at your lip.

“I understand. But maybe you could try a cookie.” She puts a small platter on your table and walks away.

You want to try a cookie because you’re starving. You start with a small bite, it’s delicious.

As you turn to the glass wall you see Fabrizio slaloming through the crowd.

You feel a tingle in your belly at his sight. From the ring on his finger you assume that he’s married and he’s not your type, but you’re growing attached to him. He’s a friend even though you just met.

“Can I offer you a cookie?” you say once he joins you at the table.

“Take the camera, quick. He’s coming!” He shoves a compact camera into your hand and turns to the glass door.

“Who’s coming?”

He makes a face and a gesture as if it were obvious.

You see photographers gathering outside. Your heartbeat accelerates.

Fabrizio freezes and goes silent. The change in his behaviour can only mean one thing: the man he adores so much is about to enter the building.

The man he adores…

The man you adore as well. You have his name tattooed on your wrist. It’s burning… your whole body is burning right now, the swollen lip throbbing hard.

You can see the entire cafeteria going still when Sebastian shows up inside. Almost as if the universe around was adjusting to its central star.

He’s still wearing his racing overalls. His hair is messy and sweaty from the helmet. He’s drinking through a straw from his customized bottle, and Antti, his trainer, follows him with a helmet in his hand.

He exchanges a few words with Mattia and Jock before proceeding to the next part of the motorhome.

You snap back to reality.

Fabrizio is staring at you, chuckling. “Good job with the photos!”

“I…”

“No worries. He’ll get changed and will come back. But I’ve got to run. Use the camera!”

“Yes… Thank you. Can I borrow it for tomorrow as well?”

“Take it, it’s yours. I’ll say I dropped it. I often do…”

“Thank you so much! I owe you!”

He shakes his head and lifts his short sleeve. His bicep is covered with tattoos, but in the maze of detailed pattern you spot a familiar word. The font is taken from Sebastian’s logo on his official website and it matches the font on your wrist.

“Ah, so you’re a part of the cult,” you say.

He smiles. “I need to go. Take care.”

“You too.” You watch him leave the motorhome.

It’s time to examine the small camera in your hand. You turn it on and check the settings to adjust them to your preference.

Maybe your boss will be satisfied with a couple of photos of Sebastian Vettel and his crew? If you’re lucky, maybe you’ll also see Charles?

You can’t leave the building, so for now you don’t have a chance to photograph anyone else.

Mattia leaves, Jock Clear disappeared when you weren’t looking. The guys around are finishing their meals and Sebastian is nowhere to be seen.

You take a couple of photos of the interior, your teacup and the cookie platter. The viewfinder is small and dirty. As you’re trying to clean it with the last remaining tissue, you hear a familiar voice. You force yourself not to look up. It’s Sebastian speaking German.

You take a peek; he’s talking to Britta.

She’s leading him to a table very close to yours and introduces some guests to him. They shake hands with him, he signs a few items.

She’s not going to introduce him to you, is she? Of course not, she doesn’t even know who you are. Only Silvia and Giulia know.

You hold the camera at the right angle. From afar it must look as if you were playing with it or checking something, but you already managed to get a couple of shots.

You follow him out of the corner of your eye. He thanks the guests for coming and wishes them fun before walking away. He sits at a distant table that’s not fully in your view. Antti appears with a meal.

You can only see Sebastian’s back, but that’s irrelevant, because you’re not going to take any photos while he’s eating.

There are around twenty people around you, mostly talking, but you can hear his voice only. He’s talking about free practice and the feel in the car. Riccardo Adami is staring at him without blinking. Registering every single word of his driver.

The fact that you’re sitting in a corner, allows you to see everyone around and if someone looks at you, you will notice it straight away. You feel safe and under control of your surroundings, but the feeling disappears when Sebastian finishes his meal. He stands up, taking the last sip of coffee on his feet. He’s still talking to Adami, meanwhile Britta approaches him from the other side. He turns to talk to her. You can see his face again.

_Time to take a few more photos!_

You glance at the camera to adjust its position. You turn back to your model just to find him looking straight at you.

You quickly look down, pretending that you’re cleaning the camera…

_Is he still looking? How long should I wait before it’s okay to check?_

You count to three, trying to act natural, even though you feel a blush on your cheeks, and you know it’s giving you away.

Maybe you should simply relax and smile at him? Stop acting like a scared child. It’s just a swollen lip. Doesn’t matter if he sees it. He’s constantly meeting fans and not many of them look perfect.

_Yeah, but I’m freaking out and he can see it._

_In his mind I’m probably one of those crazy stalkers who are obsessed with him._

You risk a second glance. He’s focused on his phone, frowning, looks a bit uncomfortable.

_Was it me? Did I make him uncomfortable?_

_Yeah, sure. I’m not that relevant._

You feel strangely annoyed with yourself. You take a couple more pictures, not trying too hard, just pressing the shutter with the camera turned in Sebastian’s direction.

When he leaves the cafeteria and his team members follow, you don’t know what to feel. Part of you is relieved, but another part is lonely and disappointed.

_I’m here to take pictures_, you remind yourself.

You need to get back to the hotel and see if you can find anything to upload to satisfy your boss. But you promised to stay inside…

A couple of minutes later, you are the only person in the cafeteria. You have nothing else to do than to check the photos you’ve taken.

_Ah, yes, just Sebastian’s legs. Out of focus. Completely useless._ As you could expect. Who is taking photos like that…?

You go to the next one and you nearly choke on your own saliva. Seb’s in the frame, the photo is sharp. He’s not looking into the camera, but at something next to it. Someone.

There’s a mild confusion on his face. His lips are parted. He often breathes through his mouth when he’s deep in thoughts. He looks like he’s not sure what to make of you.

_Probably taking me for a spy_, you think. _Or a thief, same as Fabrizio and his friend._

You need to see the photo on a bigger screen to make sure there’s no disgust or annoyance on his face.

_Am I overthinking?_

_Obviously._

You choose the next photo. He’s glancing into the camera. So, he noticed it. No wonder he was suspicious about you.

You hear footsteps. It’s Silvia.

“How are you feeling?” she asks.

“Much better. My camera is not working, but I have another one,” you explain. “I took a couple of pictures.”

“About that…” Silvia takes a seat opposite to you. “You can only keep them for personal use.”

“Oh… That sucks.” You can already imagine your boss' reaction. Not only will he fire you, but also, he will expect you to pay him back for what he invested sending you on this failed trip…

Your first Formula 1 experience will be the last…

“Did you get Sebastian’s autograph?” Silvia reaches for her phone.

“No, I didn’t want to bother him.”

“But he saw you, didn’t he?” she smiles and shakes her head. “He thought you were Charles’ girlfriend.”

“Who? Me?” You feel heat coming to your cheeks “Isn’t Charles’ girlfriend a model?”

“His ex-girlfriend, yes, but Sebastian’s not up to date,” Silvia laughs. “I think you’re good to go if you want to leave. Don’t hesitate to stop by if you’re in the paddock tomorrow. I don’t have a pass for you, but Giulia will let you in.”

“That’s nice. Thank you.”

You can’t focus on anything.

_He thought I was Charles’ girlfriend… He mistook me for a model…_


	3. The job

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You're trying to do your job, but one model is making you shake.

“Is that all? Only paddock atmosphere photos?”

“I’m sorry. I had an accident.”

“What’s wrong with the quality? Did you use a wrong setup?”

“My camera is damaged, I had to use a backup.”

“We need photos of the drivers.”

“I’ll get them, tomorrow. I’m sorry for the delay.”

“The same resolution?”

“It won’t be optimum, but I’ll make it work. I promise.”

You wait a couple of minutes for another message, but your boss decides that’s the end of the conversation. He didn’t even bother to ask about the accident.

Saturday morning you check your phone, but there are no new messages.

You check yourself in the mirror; your bottom lip is smaller, but it still hurts at the touch. Your knees and palms are slowly healing, but you wish you could apply fresh liquid bandage to them.

You have a black pair of jeans in your baggage, so you’ll manage to hide your scraped knees. You hope it won’t be too hot outside to wear them.

Well, it will be hot for sure if you find yourself in the same room as Sebastian again. You need to take a couple of pictures of him outside. You’re not allowed to use the photos you took inside the hospitality area. You understand that policy. Ferrari’s guests should enjoy a bit of privacy indoors.

Nobody likes to be photographed while eating.

You put comfortable shoes on and an oversized shirt, you throw some necessary items into your backpack and you’re off to the paddock.

You reach your destination early. There’s still a line to the main entrance. It’ll be a couple hours before the drivers arrive. For now, there’s a crowd of team members in front of you.

You easily spot the guys and girls in red. Fabrizio is the tallest.

At first you feel like walking up to them, but after a second thought, you feel strangely timid and you decide to stay anonymous.

You notice some famous photographers: Vladymir Rhys and Mark Thompson. You have an idea to stalk them for a while. For educational reasons.

Nobody is paying attention to you as you walk up and down the paddock, from one motorhome to the other, waiting for the drivers and other F1 celebrities to show up.

The problem is that all the drivers arrive at the same time and you’re only one person. Which side of the paddock should you choose?

The biggest crowd gathers near the Ferrari and Mercedes motorhomes so it’s probably smart to hang out there.

As a long-time fan, you know Sebastian’s routines; he’ll walk to the garage at the last possible moment. You can snap a few pics of Valtteri and Lewis first.

There are more fans around taking pictures with their phones so you’re blending in nicely. While they ask the drivers for autographs and selfies, you have all the time you need to find the right angle.

Shame that your camera is so small…

Three minutes left to the last training session, so Sebastian has to finally show up.

Unless you somehow missed him.

You take a spot near the entrance to the Ferrari garage and you wait. When you see Antti coming toward you, you know Sebastian should be right behind him.

You look right and left; for some reason there are almost no people around! He’ll see you and recognize you!

You have nowhere to hide.

You’re standing motionless as if it was enough to make you invisible.

_Just great…_ You want to be a professional photographer, yet the closeness of your model paralyzes you!

Sebastian emerges from between two motorhomes. The upper part of his overalls is hanging from his waist. White fireproof undershirt is clinging tightly to his chest.

Lift the camera to your eye face! It should make him stop paying attention to you, he’s used to ignoring photographers after all.

Well, but you don’t look like a photographer. You look like an overemotional fangirl who’s about to have a panic attack.

You finally press the camera to your cheek, but Sebastian’s already too close and the autofocus is going crazy.

“You want me to sign something for you?”

_Is he talking to me?!_

You move the camera away. “No, thanks.”

He shrugs his shoulders and walks away.

_What the hell…_

Your hands shaking, your finger presses the shutter without control.

You feel like an utter idiot, although a part of you is wondering if he even recognized you.

* * *

When the FP3 begins, you stop by the Ferrari hospitality unit, hoping that Giulia will be there, because you don't have a pass to enter.

You have luck, because she spots you immediately.

“Can I stay for a half an hour?”

“Sure. Can I offer you a cappuccino?”

“An espresso would be nice.”

“I’m on it.”

As you take a seat at ‘your’ table in the corner, Silvia and Jonathan Giacobazzi enter the cafeteria.

They stop by the bar, discussing something in Italian.

Only when Giulia walks by to hand you the espresso, Silvia notices you and smiles. After exchanging a couple more words with Jonathan, they both approach your table.

“Have are you today?”

“Much better. I managed to take some good pictures before the session. I’m going to continue the hunt soon, I just stopped by to say hi.”

“Can we take a look at your photos?”

You have a bad feeling. Yesterday Silvia let you use the camera inside, but maybe she changed her mind and now wants to make sure the photos are deleted?

“Sure… the last ones are probably useless.” You turn the display on and give the camera to Silvia. Jonathan is looking over her shoulder. You feel like you’re on an exam. Your critics’ faces are tough to read.

“Do you still have the photographs from yesterday?”

“Yes, but I can delete them…”

Finally, you can see some emotions. Silvia glances at Jonathan, she seems satisfied as he nods his head.

She gives you your camera back. “Can we hire you for a half an hour after the quali? We have a small event at the Paddock Club and we don't want to bother Callo. Normally we would ask Britta or Mia to take a couple of pictures, but they have enough work already.”

“And Britta is not a good photographer,” Jonathan adds with a smile. “We’ll give you a better camera, by the way.”

They keep staring at you.

“Yes, of course! I’ll be happy to help.” You say happy but all you can feel is stress.

Maybe you’re still unconscious and all of it is just a dream?

“We’ll give you some team clothes and a pass.”

It must be a dream…

The thing that surprises you the most is the fact that they didn’t seem to care that half of the pictures of Sebastian that you took is unfocused and blurry… Because that’s how badly your hands shake when he’s close.

The task awaiting you is stressing you more than the constant worry that you’re going to lose your job. But you can’t let Silvia down, no matter the pressure.

* * *

You put the red trousers on. It’s a must. Red trousers turn a regular Ferrari fan into a Ferrari team member. Unless your name is Charles or Sebastian and you can wear whatever you want, but only on your legs.

Silvia has a good eye and the size she's chosen is a good fit. They stretch a little, but they are comfortable.

The camera that they gave you is better than your damaged camera. It weighs nicely in your hands.

You follow Jonathan to the paddock club event; he leaves you in the room full of guests having lunch.

The qualifications have just ended, Charles and Sebastian are probably still being interviewed by the media. Sebastian qualified second behind Lewis, Charles is third. Looking at how close Sebastian was to the pole, you don’t expect him to be very happy. Charles even less so.

Which driver will show up first?

Jonathan opens the event and starts talking about Ferrari’s performance so far. His speech is accompanied by a slide show with photos of the car upgrades introduced on Friday. You take the opportunity to find interesting angles to shoot from and to look for the best lighting.

The room is small, but it’s well illuminated. All the guests are sitting; they won’t block your view.

Charles’ press assistant, Mia, enters the room. The sound guy rushes to the entrance with a microphone in his hand. Charles is already waiting there.

Greeted with an applause he enters and climbs onto a small stage. You get to work, keeping in mind that the meeting won’t take long. Silvia and Jonathan said that they need two good shots for social media, so if you take twenty or more, at least one of each driver must be good enough.

Discreetly, you move around the room, closer and closer to the driver. Charles is one of the youngest drivers and he’s not good at ignoring cameras. He sends a couple of timid smiles your way. You’ve seen those many times; he does the same when he’s being filmed in the garage.

It doesn’t affect your focus until suddenly you feel someone’s stare from the opposite direction. You turn your head. Sebastian’s standing at the entrance, waiting for his turn.

He quickly looks down at his phone. Britta also joins the event and sits down next to Mia.

You feel tingling in your hands, your whole body heating up. You still have time to get over it. You can’t fuck up. Control yourself! Stop shaking!

Sebastian walks past you, so close you can feel the air moved by his body.

One driver leaves the stages, the other takes his place.

You take a deep breath in before lifting the camera.

Sebastian looks perfect. He has a nice stubble; his skin is flawless. He seems to have an itch on his nose, because he keeps rubbing it and it turns slightly red.

Same as Charles, Sebastian is standing while being interviewed. He’s gesticulating a lot, but you can use that to take an interesting shot.

You start moving around the room, but you don’t feel as comfortable as before. Every step takes a lot of energy; your body doesn’t want to cooperate. You don’t lose Sebastian out of your sight so you’re a hundred percent sure that he’s not looking at you.

You’re still dazzled by his presence. You take a wrong step and you trip over an empty chair. You manage to keep your balance, but you nearly knock over the chair. Britta saves the day by grabbing it.

You smile at her with relief. Trying to ignore the embarrassment, you get back to work. And you see that Sebastian noticed the whole thing. A delicate smile appears on his face. Maybe it’s addressed to you, maybe to Britta, you can’t be certain. It all takes only a couple of seconds, but it leaves a physical mark on you – a burning blush on your cheeks.

You wonder if he’s surprised to see you wearing red trousers.

You wish you could read his thoughts… On the other hand, what if he thinks you’re crazy?

You let yourself get hypnotized by his face. And one picture at a time, you keep capturing his beauty, focusing on what you love the most. On his mesmerizing profile, on his eyes, on his sweet smile…

You’re proud of yourself for being so composed. He’s professionally ignoring you and that’s how it’s supposed be.

Someone tugs on your shirt. It’s Britta. You sit down next to her.

“Are you the girl Silvia has hired today?”

You nod, not too happy that she’s interrupting you. You might lose an interesting moment, a captivating smile or a funny face.

You glance at Sebastian. He’s looking at you two again. He's clearly too curious to ignore your interactions with Britta.

“They asked me to take pictures once, but I’m awful,” Britta adds while you’re trying to act normal even though your heart is racing. “I’m Britta.”

You introduce yourself and shake her hand. "I need to get back to work.”

“Yes, yes. Don’t mind me.”

You’re out of luck, because the event has just finished. Britta gets up and rushes to follow Sebastian out of the room.

The guests are clapping. You deserve an applause as well for not fainting in Sebastian’s presence.

* * *

"Silvia is busy, but you can leave the clothes, the pass and the camera with me,” Giulia says, once you’re back in the cafeteria.

_Wow, what a gratifying ending…_ You have no choice than to go back to be the compact-camera girl.

“I’ll leave my number for Silvia,” you say. “I would like to hear if she liked the photos.”

“You should wait for her here.”

“I can’t. I need to take some pictures for my actual job.”

* * *

When you check the pictures that you’ve taken in the paddock on your laptop, you feel like howling. They looked decent on the camera display, but on a bigger screen they are just shitty.

Still, you need to finish your job and upload them to the cloud.

An hour later, when you are getting ready to go to bed, you receive a message from your boss.

“The resolution is still poor.”

“I know, it’s the backup camera.”

You stare at your phone, waiting for another message. Your boss decides to give you a call instead. You quickly pick it up.

“What actually happened to that camera?” he asks. He’s worried about the camera, not about you.

You swallow hard. Should you tell him the truth or a lie? Does it even matter what you’re going to say?

“Someone pushed me, I dropped it and it fell on the ground.”

Your boss sighs heavily. “Forgive me, but there’s a line of people who are more than qualified for the job you’re failing at. I don’t think that’s going to work.”

“I was just unlucky. I need a second chance, please.”

“I’m afraid I can’t give you that. Your photos don’t meet our standards. I’m not going to charge you for the loss we suffered, but your employment comes to an end right now. I know this isn’t easy, but maybe it’ll make you re-evaluate some things.”

“I hope so… and I’m disappointed.”

"I guess, you can try to enjoy the race. Your pass will still be valid.”

You don’t know what to say.

“Well…” your boss breaks the silence. “Take care.”

“You too.”

You put the phone down, feeling tears coming to your eyes. You’ve taken loans to get here and now you won’t have the money to pay them back. You don’t even have the money to fix the camera…

Everyone will pity you when you get back home. Surely, they won’t be interested in how you worked for Ferrari for less than half an hour. After all, they didn’t pay you either.

You bury your face in your hands, your body starts shaking uncontrollably. You can’t even enjoy the fact that you met Silvia, Jonathan, Britta… and Fabrizio… The thought of Sebastian’s mechanic brings a new flood of tears to your eyes. Good old Fabrizio and his big heart.

You were naive thinking that you could work in the same paddock with these people. They are strong, they are professional, they know how to do their jobs.

All you can do is to faint, trip or freeze.

Your phone starts vibrating. You glance at the screen: the number’s unknown. You immediately realize that it could be Silvia.

Wiping your eyes with the back of your hand, you take the call.

“Hi, it’s Silvia. We finally found some time to check your photos.”

“Oh… So… How do you like them?”

“A lot! They’re amazing. So many great shots, we’re having a hard time choosing.”

You smile trough the tears. At least you’ve done one thing well today.

“Are you okay? You sound a bit… choked up.”

“I just got fired,” you confess, your voice cracking.

You hear Silvia’s gasp. “That’s great!”


	4. Photo session

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You get your first assignments. Charles is a good model, Sebastian not so much.

“I just got fired,” you confess.

You hear Silvia gasp. “That’s great!”

You frown. _Did I stutter?_

“I’m sorry, it didn’t sound right. Let me explain. Your photos made such a good impression on our PR and media departments that we want to keep using your services. This time in an official manner; you will work for me. I’d like to meet tomorrow morning to sign a contract of employment for the next couple of races. Unless you have other commitments.”

The world is turning upside down. Finally, you won’t have to deal with a boss who doesn’t care about your well being. You will have a new boss, Silvia.

“What do you want me to do, precisely?” you ask, trying not to get too excited. What if Silvia is overrating your skills?

“The same thing you did today. You will accompany Sebastian and Charles with your camera to every official event. Fan meetings, sponsor meetings, all that stuff.”

“But… isn’t it Callo’s job?”

“Sometimes there are two events at once. Callo is on track, while we need a photographer somewhere else. And to be honest, not everyone likes Callo’s style. We won’t send you to get elbowed by other photographers, don’t worry. Callo will manage that. You will stick with Britta and Mia in more peaceful locations.”

You think about Sebastian’s face and his little smiles.

“Hey, are you there?”

“Yes, I’m just shocked. I don’t know what to say.”

“Just say that you agree.”

“Of course, I do!”

* * *

They give you the camera and the red clothes back.

You sign an employment contract which seems to focus on confidentiality. You can’t talk to anyone about the details of what you do, what you see and what you hear. Ferrari will cover your travel expenses.

You receive a temporary pass and a task to take some pictures of the drivers before they leave the garage for an instalment lap before the race. Later you will join them on the grid and if the race goes well, you’ll try to take some pictures of the podium.

You feel a tension rising in the garage even though your nervousness has little to do with the race. You wait between the two garages hoping that the drivers won’t move too quickly for you to photograph both separately.

There are no guests around, many mechanics and engineers are already on the grid. Instead, Callo shows up. At first you have some worries that he won’t be happy seeing you. In a way, you’ve suddenly become his competition.

“You take Charles, I go to Sebastian.”

_I don’t want Charles!_ No time for discussion because both drivers appear at once.

Charles has his racing engineer with him, his trainer and his main mechanic. They are busy talking. You take a couple of pictures while Charles is putting his helmet on and gets into his car.

You’re wondering what Callo is doing and if it’s okay if the pictures won’t match in style. If Silvia wants to use them on social media, they won’t look good next to each other.

You feel someone’s hand on your shoulder. Callo nods toward the garage of the driver number 5. “He’s still there. Don’t worry if he keeps turning away from you. He doesn’t like being photographed and he’ll do everything to avoid it.”

“So I’ve heard,” you say.

You go to the other side of the garage. Sebastian hasn’t put his helmet on yet. He still has something to say to one of his mechanics.

You approach. You know he’ll notice you. Let’s hope he’ll ignore you straight away.

Your hands shake a little when you look through the viewfinder. Sebastian stops talking and pulls the balaclava on. You manage to take a few close-up photos of his face. Suddenly he’s become so quiet and focused. You guess it’s normal. It has nothing to do with your presence.

You hear an engine being turned on on the other side. Charles is about to drive out while Sebastian only started putting his helmet on. He turns away from you. Callo told you not to worry about it, but you’re still disappointed. You hoped he would be nicer to you…

Mechanics get busy. You don’t want to be in their way.

The car’s leaving the garage, the engine noise makes you grimace. Next time you’ll put the earplugs on.

* * *

Taking pictures of Charles is an easy job. The boy is sitting motionless on the grass. You feel a bit sorry for him when you see how the photographers, and you as well, keep approaching and distracting him from his pre-race routine. On the other hand, if he wanted to be left alone, he would’ve hidden between his mechanics.

Time to move to the other car. The one that makes your heart leap.

As you walk up, a familiar face welcomes you.

“Don’t get trampled again.” Fabrizio fixes his gloves.

“The final result is not that bad,” you say, glancing around. The cockpit of the car is empty.

“Next time I might not be in sight.”

“You are now, so I’m safe.”

“Sebastian’s gone pee-pee.”

“Ah, okay.” You can relax.

“In the meantime, you should capture the beauty of Ferrari mechanics,” he adds, posing in front of the Pirelli tyres.

“Good idea.” Every shot can be useful to Silvia. It won’t hurt to take pictures of the team members around.

While you move from one person to the other, out of the corner of your eye you notice other photographers gather around the car.

Sebastian’s returned from the toilet. Antti’s handing him the balaclava. Riccardo Adami is standing next to them, sharing some news, possibly the weather forecast.

Before the crowd of professionals disperses, Sebastian has the helmet on. You didn’t manage to take any pictures before he put it on, but that’s fine.

You find a good spot next to the car to snap some photos as he’ll be getting into the cockpit.

Sebastian’s hand clenched on the halo… His foot on the small stool that helps him get into the car… Antti handing him a water bottle…

“Let’s head back to the garage,” Fabrizio is close again, making sure you’re safe.

“Wait. One more.”

Sebastian noticed your interaction with his mechanic, because when you point the camera at his face, his helmet visor is still open and he’s eyes are looking straight at you. This shot will be beautiful, you know without checking.

* * *

You’re planning to spend the race in the cafeteria. Silvia and Britta are also inside.

But first you want to check the photos you’ve taken. You take your laptop from the locker you’ve been assigned, and you return to the table. You connect the camera to the laptop to copy the data.

Once it’s done, you go through the pictures in full screen mode, starting with the most recent ones. If you find a blurry or a particularly uninteresting one, you’ll delete it.

“Wow, this one’s beautiful.” Britta is peeping over your shoulder.

You had no idea she moved her seat to spy on you.

“Normally he doesn’t look straight into the camera.”

“I know.” You admire Sebastian’s pretty eyes, looking straight into your soul.

What was he thinking? Maybe he was just focused on the race? Maybe he doesn’t like you and seeing you around all the time gets on his nerves?

“Upload all you’ve got,” Silvia says to you. “The faster you’ll upload them, the sooner we’ll be able to use them.”

“I’ll remember.”

Ten minutes later your first picture lands on Ferrari’s Instagram. Sebastian’s eyes piercing through the screen. The eyes like windows into the mysterious world of his mind…

What was he thinking? Will you ever know?

* * *

** _A couple of weeks later, Maranello, Italy_ **

“We desperately need a couple of portraits," Silvia sits next to you on a bench in the corridor. "No topic. We’ll make sure the models are properly dressed, but the rest is up to you. You can hold them for twenty minutes if they are in a hurry. But from what I know, they don’t have any more duties at the factory.”

You were allowed inside the Ferrari factory with the camera to follow Charles as he was visiting the workers and during a short presentation of the new simulator. The whole visit took around two hours, afterwards you focused on photo editing and uploading everything to the cloud. You didn’t expect another task today. A task that feels incomparably more stressful than anything you’ve done for Ferrari so far.

“Sebastian’s here as well?”

“Yes, he was working on the simulator in the morning. But Britta’s not here, so…” Silvia grabs her phone. “I better give him a call to remind him about that session with you.”

_That session with me. Just a normal day at the office._

“You want me to work with them separately?” You’re trying not freak out, although your heart is hammering.

“Yes. It’s hard to manage them when they are together. Alone Sebastian will be easier to handle. He would only show off in Charles’ presence.”

_Easier to handle… show off… alone…_

“Do you know where the media room is?”

“Yes…”

"There’s a set with spotlights that you can use. You better go over there and install your camera. Charles will come first.”

“Could you give me some directions? What kind of photos do you want?”

Silvia thinks for a moment. “Close-ups. More serious stuff, no fooling around.”

You nod. You don’t feel like fooling around. You want to do a good job but it’s not going to be easy.

* * *

You reach the media room and get to work. Hurriedly you install the spotlights to point where you want your models to stand. You decide to use a white backdrop, it doesn’t matter that much if you’re going to do close-up shots.

You have zero expectations when it comes to this session. You’re tense and you can’t hide it. Sebastian and Charles are not real models, your behaviour will negatively influence them. The photos will most likely look unnatural and stiff…

The set it ready, now it’s time to take care of the camera. You check if the battery is full.

Someone enters the room without knocking. Luckily, it’s just Silvia. And Charles following her…

“I decided to stop by and suggest a few things,” Silvia says.

“Hi, I don’t think we’ve met.” Charles extends his hand. “I’m Charles.”

You say your name, feeling a little shy.

Just pretend to be a professional and maybe he’ll buy it!

“So… what should I do?”

_That’s a good question._

“Just go over there and wait.”

Nice try, but he can easily hear that you already started taking pictures and you’re not waiting for anything.

“The light is too bright,” he complains.

“You’re get used to it,” Silvia says.

He’s squinting and blinking, making you realise that you’re not visible to him. Which means that Sebastian won’t see you either. He won’t see your shaking fingers and the red stains on your cheeks…

Charles looks around the set which gives you an opportunity to take many good shots.

“You could use the chair,” Silvia suggest.

“Should I capture his entire silhouette?”

“Yes, but not necessarily.”

“Nice jacket,” you say, recognising a design from the Ferrrari store.

“Thank you.” Charles slips his hands into his pockets and looks down on his clothes. Another good shot.

“How many laps did you do in that simulator?”

“Not many, I was there only for the presentation.”

Silvia gives you a gentle pat on the shoulder. “You’re doing great,” she whispers.

A moment later you hear a door open and close. You’re alone with Charles now.

“Tell me what to do or I’ll be standing like a dummy.”

“You don’t look like a dummy even if you’re just standing.”

“I’m nervous.”

“Me too!”

“I saw your photos. Mia and Britta were comparing them to Callo’s.”

“I wish I had his experience and knowledge.”

Charles shrugs. He doesn’t look nervous, but his posture is far from ideal. He doesn’t seem to know what to do with his legs. You tell him to sit down.

“You could turn the chair back to front.”

“Yeah, that always looks cool.”

It’s quiet for a while.

“I’m sweating in that jacket.”

“You can take it off.”

A part of you is chuckling at this conversation. So many girls would die to be in your place right now.

You won’t be so amused when the older one gets here… The one that makes your heart jump out of your chest… The one that makes you forget your own name. The one that hates photo sessions and will turn away from your camera…

Charles takes the jacket off and puts it away. You take a couple of shots of him fixing his shirt and hair. Very natural.

“You’re good at this,” you say.

“I’m not doing anything. I just took my jacket off.” He smiles. Another good shot. “Will you edit the photos?”

“Yes.”

“Can you make my face… smoother?”

“I don’t see the need.”

“Something is growing on my nose.”

“Ah, okay. I’ll get rid of that.”

“Thanks.”

For a while all you hear is the camera clicking.

“Let’s move the chair away. Maybe you could sit on the floor and rest your back against the wall.”

Charles checks behind the background prop. “But the wall is too far.”

“I guess we need to move this…”

The door opens behind your back. You entered in the spotlight and now you’re blind. But your body knows.

“Let’s leave it, Charles… I think I have enough material."

You’re not capable of working with Charles while knowing that Sebastian is staring at you from behind.

“I hope I wasn’t making weird faces. Thanks, and take care.” Charles comes up to you to shake your hand before going to the darker side of the room.

“See you at the restaurant,” Sebastian says.

“I’ll take Andrea along.”

“Great.”

You pretend like you have something to do while they talk.

Charles decides to address you again. “Thank you, bye.”

“Bye.”

What a nice dude! You didn’t expect him to be so nice after what you’ve heard about him.

“Don’t forget your jacket!”

“Right…”

One, two, three, four… The door closes, silence falls. I guess it’s time to introduce yourself.

“Hi, my name is…”

“I know your name. And I think you know mine… Nice to meet you.”

“Likewise.”

His hand is soft and warm. Your eyes meet for a second. You’re not sure who looks away first.

Sebastian turns his attention to the photo set. “So… what do you want me to do?”

“First, you could just stand here,” you show him the spot. “And get used to the lights.”

“First, I should warn you that I’m hopeless at modelling. I already feel sorry for you.”

“I’ll be fine.”

He stands in the spotlight; you remain in the shadow.

“Silvia forced me to change trousers and these are a bit too tight.”

You barely stifle a gasp. He’s wearing chino trousers that fit him perfectly, not too tight, despite what he’s saying, and not too long. He’s also wearing white sneakers, a navy blue polo shirt and a black leather jacket.

“Blue was a good choice.”

“I’m not sure about my hair…” He lifts his hands to his head.

“Don’t! It’s perfect.”

He moves his hands away, but he still seems insecure. “So… where should I look?” He’s squinting, clearly struggling to see you.

“Nowhere.”

“You want me to close my eyes?”

“No… look wherever you want.”

He’s still fidgeting and looking around. You feel guilty, it’s your job to make him comfortable.

“Are there any types of photos that you like?”

“Yeah, the ones where you can’t see my face.”

“Don’t say that…”

“You asked I answered.”

You sigh. “Try the chair.’

“What am I supposed to do with it?”

“Sit on it.” You feel like laughing, but you don’t want to make him more uncomfortable.

He picks up the chair and puts it down in the middle of the set. He settles in it like a person having a job interview. It’s not going to work. You must try something else.

“Imagine that you’re completely alone. I’m not here.”

A gentle smile appears on his face as he brushes an imaginary speck of dust off his thigh. That’s the moment, you snap a picture.

“It’s not possible.”

“Focus on something neutral. The same way you do in the garage when you ignore all these photographers, cameramen, mechanics and so on…”

“I would have no problem with ignoring _them_.”

_Oh…_

“The sessions in the garage and on the grid were quite good. You didn’t seem bothered with what I was doing.”

“We weren’t alone then.”

You can’t decipher the tone of his voice. Is he annoyed with you or… maybe he’s trying to tell you something really positive? Or maybe he’s just trying to divert your attention from the fact that he’s not in a mood for posing?

“Could you turn the chair back to front?”

“You want me to sit like that? I’m afraid my trousers will snap at the crotch…”

You doubt he did that on purpose, but he's just drawn your attention to his crotch, making you speechless. The trousers are tight, but they stretch nicely.

“Why is it so hot in here? Have you turned the air conditioning on?” he asks.

“What? I didn’t know I could…”

“Wait a sec.” Your model is walking toward you, he’s passing you and stopping at the door, flicking a switch next to the light switch.

“Thanks… It’s my first visit here.” You feel like an idiot.

“How many photos do you have already?” He approaches you as if he wanted to check the camera.

“Not many… Give me a couple more minutes.”

He sighs heavily, he doesn’t look very happy.

“I can show you what I’ve got, and you’ll decide whether you’ll fine with it.”

“I don’t like looking at my face…”

“Even in the mirror?”

He goes back to the chair, shrugging his shoulders. “The mirror is fine. I don’t know why… Haven’t thought about it.”

“So you have no problem looking at your own face with your own eyes, right?”

“I guess no. I am who I am.”

“But you usually don’t like the way the photographers portray you? The angles, the faces that you make when being photographed?”

“Something like that…”

“Maybe you just haven’t met the right photographer yet?”

“Vlad was taking great shots. You know him? Vladimir Rys. I liked many of his photos. But that’s it, I think…”

“I hope mine won’t be too bad. I don’t have a lot of experience.”

Silence. You expected a joke or at least a nod and an encouraging comment about learning.

Sebastian is staring in space. That’s good. You take a few shots.

“You can take the jacket off…”

“And lose my entire sex appeal? No, thank you.”

You smile.

“Unless you want me to take it off.”

You stop smiling. Is that air conditioning even working? “Charles took his off. I want both sessions to be similar.”

“As you wish.” He takes the jacket off and flings it over his shoulder. “I had a session with a jacket on my shoulder in Red Bull once.”

“I remember. I liked it.”

“I was making silly faces.”

“Just a bit, but I don’t think they minded.”

He leaves the jacket on the chair; you keep taking shots.

“I feel so… out of place…” he confesses turning to you.

“I guess we can check what I’ve taken so far. If you’re happy, I won’t waste more of your time.”

“All right, let’s do this.”

You don’t have Vlad’s talent and you don’t expect him to be amazed. You just want to check if you should keep torturing him.

You walk up to the laptop and connect the camera.

Sebastian stands next to you; he props his hand on the table.

Trying to control your breathing, you browse through the pictures, and once you see the first photograph of Sebastian you zoom in. “Blurry…” you mutter under your breath.

“This one’s fine,” he says, looking at the second picture.

You grimace at the sight of the close-ups. You can see all the pores on Sebastian’s nose. No wonder he doesn’t like them… Nobody likes seeing so much detail.

He’s not saying anything. You can’t help yourself and you throw a glance at him. He’s staring at the screen, chewing on his lip.

You check a couple more pictures. They look good to you. “So? What do you think?”

“I look so tense…”

“You look great.” You check the rest, not many of them, but some are quite good. You managed to capture many beautiful elements of Sebastian’s appearance and you’re sad that he can’t see that. “You look amazing,” you add, your instinct telling you that he needs to hear it repeatedly until he finally believes you.

He’s still not saying anything.

“You don’t like them?” Look at you! Being so confused with working for Ferrari that your innate pessimism has failed you. Normally you would be sure that he'd hate the photos.

“The important thing is that you are happy with them. Or the person who’s going to use them.”

“That would be Silvia. And I’m sure she’ll be satisfied. We can take more, if you’re not happy.”

“I’ve had enough modelling for one day…” He’s not his usual self. “Thank you, it was nice working with you.” He extends his hand, you touch his fingers, they are hot like fire.

“I hope you really mean that…”

Hearing your words, he lingers, with your hand in his. “It’s not your fault that I’m such a bad model.” He lets go of your hand and goes to grab his jacket. “By the way… nice tattoo,” he adds. "See you soon.”

You open your mouth, but you can’t utter a word. Once you’re alone, you bury your face in your hands. Your cheeks are burning.

* * *

Silvia is satisfied with the photos. But you’re not. Silly you… You hoped your love to Sebastian would radiate from your photos making them special… They are special to you, but he doesn't seem to like them.

You’re not sure if you like the fact that he noticed your tattoo. Your feelings are not a secret to him anymore. But you can still be professional, right? You did a good job today…

Back in the hotel room you focus on editing. Your phone beeps. Another message from Silvia?

You check the screen. The number is unknown. Someone has left you a very long message.

"Hi, it’s Sebastian. Silvia gave me your number. I hope you don’t mind. I wanted to let you know that I liked the photos. I was a bit awkward before I left. I don’t want you to feel bad. You’re doing a great job.”

Your heart is beating hard. You have his phone number now! You can write to him. You can even call him… if you’d find an excuse.

You need to reply to him, but how?

"Thank you. It’s not a problem. Art is subjective" you text. _Was that too vague? Will he get the hint that I don’t believe him?_

"I’m not just being nice," he writes.

_He got the hint._

"I really liked the photos. But I didn’t like the way I acted. I was unprofessional. I’m sorry."

Wait what? What are you supposed to do now? Before you manage to figure out what to text back, you get another message.

"By the way, I’m with Charles, his trainer and a couple other guys in Ristorante Montana. Want to come and join us?"

You feel an unpleasant cramp in your stomach. You don’t want to be the only girl in the room. That would be too stressful. You also already changed to your pyjamas. “I have work to do. Maybe next time.”

“Okay. Next time. Good night.”

“Good night.”

You press the phone to your chest, going through the whole exchange in your head once again. He likes your photos. Maybe it's not a lie. And he wanted to see you, but you prefer to sit in front of your computer because you're a loser. Does it really matter that there are no other girls in the restaurant? How do you even know that? It would've been stressful, sure, but he's so worth it!

You sit straight and unlock your phone before typing in another message for Sebastian. "Actually, I changed my mind. I'll be there in twenty minutes."


	5. Safe in his arms

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Something goes wrong but Seb makes it better.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for keeping you waiting so long! I hope you will like this chapter, let me know.

Something’s seriously not right. Your head is killing you; you’re lying on a cool and gritty surface; your position far from comfortable. Cold air is blowing on your back and… your feet?

What happened? What nightmare have your stranded into?

You open your eyes, struggling to focus your vision. You feel pain on the left side of your body. You have no shoes on. Your blouse is torn in a couple of places, your bra undone. You fasten it quickly, trying to recognize your surroundings.

You’re in a narrow alley between two buildings, behind a row of dumpsters. After you spot your bag on the ground, you pick yourself up with difficulty, a splitting headache blinding you for couple of seconds. You need to prop yourself against the wall.

Where the hell are your shoes? You step on the asphalt, feeling tiny stones under your feet, maybe even pieces of glass. You pick the bag up; your wallet and your phone are gone, but the key card from your hotel room is still inside.

You’re trying to remember how you got here.

You recall being in a big hurry. You messaged Sebastian that you will be at Ristorante Montana in twenty minutes, but it was never going to work. You had to choose an outfit, brush your hair, call a taxi…

You ran out of the hotel wearing the nicest shoes you had. You were sure the taxi would be waiting outside, but even five minutes later the car still wasn’t there. You figured that maybe you mixed up the address or the name of the hotel? You remembered that there was a dentist clinic nearby, just behind the corner and usually there was a taxi parked in front. You headed that way in a rush.

And then nothing. You surely didn’t get into a taxi.

Carefully, scared and shaking you walk out of the alley. You recognize your surroundings immediately, you’re not far from your hotel. It’s already dark and there’s no movement around.

Keeping to the shadows so that nobody would see you, you walk back to your hotel barefoot, with a torn blouse… You manage to tiptoe past the reception, sneak into your room and quickly lock the door behind. Your heart is thumping hard. You can’t stop shaking.

Looks like you’ve been assaulted. You turn the bathroom light on and get inside. Your face is white, your cheeks smudged with dirt. You take the blouse off, studying your shoulders. You can’t see any scrape marks, but your skin hurts to the touch as if there were bruises forming underneath.

With a growing anxiety you check your trousers. It doesn’t seem as if they had been touched. You still can’t figure out why your shoes are missing. Someone attacked you, stole your phone and wallet, but the shoes? They weren’t even that expensive…

Your phone… Sebastian’s number is saved on it… You must lock your sim card before it gets into the wrong hands.

You lunge to your laptop. Only then you notice that it’s already 10 pm, you’ve been lying unconscious in that alley for more than two hours. No wonder you’re so cold.

Your hands are shaking so badly, you can’t even type your password to log in. What’s the quickest way to lock the SIM card? Your brain is not functioning, and you struggle to find the right site… You can’t focus, you wish you could just lie down and cry. But it’s important to secure your phone. So you better get a grip on yourself!

Someone knocks vigorously on your door, calling your name. You recognize Sebastian’s voice and a wave of relief hits you. As you’re rushing to the door, you realize that you’re wearing only a bra.

“Just a second.”

Sebastian calms down, you grab a cardigan and put it on, struggling to button it up with your shaky fingers. “Fuck this shit…” You missed a button and now it’s uneven.

You finally open the door, your heart nearly exploding in your chest.

Sebastian’s eyes are huge, he studies you up and down. “I’ve been trying to call you for almost two hours… I was worried so I called Silvia and she managed to find your address. What happened?”

Your throat is getting tight and you can feel tears coming to your eyes. You’re not going to talk yet. So, you only shake your head, your face twisting as you step aside to let him in.

He’s right next to you, doing even a more thorough examination. He grabs you by the chin and forces you to look him in the eye. He can see that your eyes are brimming with tears.

“Someone attacked me…”

“Fuck…” You can hear anger in his voice, but his touch is delicate. With a gentle motion he pulls you into his arms.

You embrace his torso, clinging onto him tightly.

You’ve never been through a wilder rollercoaster in your life. The fainting and being rescued by Fabrizio don’t even compare.

You’re still shaken up and embarrassed, but at the same time you can’t believe that he’s really holding you in his arms… What a bliss!

His embrace is exactly as perfect as you imagined. His arms exactly as cosy. His body exactly as warm as you dreamt.

“You can’t even imagine how relieved I am. I was worried that something terrible happened.”

You will have to explain to him what happened, but the problem is that you don’t know either. Besides, you’re still too jittery to talk.

Sebastian is holding you in his arms, rocking a bit as if he was lulling a baby to sleep. And you are crying into his sweatshirt, and with each tear you feel lighter and more at peace.

The alley, the rough ground, your bare feet, everything seems so distant. There’s only the warmth of Sebastian’s arms, the smell of his cologne and his deep sighs.

“We should go to the police.”

You knew he would say that. He’s right, but you don’t feel like moving at all.

“Come, let’s sit down.”

There are two chairs at the table. Sebastian’s leading you to one of them. After you sit down, he puts the other chair vis-à-vis, very close. And after sitting down, he leans toward you, grasping your hands.

You're ready to talk. “I remember that I was looking for a taxi. I wanted to check near the dentist clinic. There was nobody on the street, but I recall hearing heavy footsteps behind my back. I thought, someone was in a hurry same as me. But I didn’t look back…” Your voice is shaking.

Sebastian’s looking at you, frowning. His fingers are gently caressing yours, soothing you with a gentle touch.

“I woke up in an alley, not far from here. I was lying on the ground; I had a splitting headache…” You lift your hand to touch the spot where the pain was coming from. “Here…” you grimace.

Sebastian jumps to his feet, to examine your head. He lightly brushes your hair away. “I can’t see any blood.”

“My bag was left near a dumpster, but my phone and my wallet were missing,” you continue.

“That explain why I couldn’t reach you.”

“I need to lock my sim card.” You turn to the table, grab your laptop and pull it closer. You should’ve done that a long time ago.

Your fingers are still shaking, the cursor is dancing on the screen.

“It’s okay.” Sebastian takes your hands off the keyboard and rubs your fingers as if they required his magic touch to work again.

Something else draws his attention, and he gets up. Meanwhile you discover that your hands do work again.

“Is this what you had on?”

Ah, he found your torn blouse.

“Yes.” You don’t feel comfortable enough to mention the bra. It’s not important now.

“That doesn’t look good.” He studies the blouse from every side.

You finally manage to secure your phone, hoping the thief didn’t manage to unlock its content yet.

“Was the rest of your clothes in the same state?”

“No… just… My shoes were missing. I had to walk barefoot.”

Naturally, his eyes move to your feet.

“Jesus…” With a deep sigh, he walks up to you and puts a hand on your shoulders. “We should go to the police and get you checked by a doctor.”

You don’t want to argue with him, but at the same time you really don’t want to be in the centre of attention.

“I would prefer to take a shower…”

Sebastian crouches in front of you and looks up, straight into your eyes. “I’ll take care of you. Don’t worry.”

His eyes are beautiful. And the concern you see in them is making you feel lucky. Even though you just went through something that had little to do with luck.

“Whoever did that, they might attack someone else tomorrow. If we report it, maybe we’ll stop that from happening.”

You nod, surrendering to his will.

“Thank you.” He squeezes your hand before getting up and looking around the room. “Pack your things. I don’t like this neighbourhood.”

Yes, sir.

* * *

He takes you into his Ferrari. You’re not far from Maranello, so a Ferrari is not a rare sight. But you’re worried that Sebastian will draw an unnecessary attention to himself because of you.

It’s your first Ferrari experience and you’re not sure if the magic of the travel comes from the fact that it’s a Ferrari or the fact that Sebastian’s driving it.

Sebastian stays by your side when the officer at the police station prepares a report. But he’s not present when the doctor examines you. You assure her that your trousers and your underwear weren’t moved a hundred percent. You would know. The fact that your bra was undone could’ve been accidental. Especially looking at the state of your blouse.

It’s almost 2 am. When you leave the medical room, you see Sebastian sitting on a bench in the corridor, his eyes closed. He opens them when the doctor closes the door behind you.

“Are we free to go?”

“Yes.”

He rises to his feet, stretching like a cat after a nap.

“You must be tired,” you say. Duh.

“Are you not?”

“Like hell…”

You don’t know where he is taking you and you don’t care. You are curious about it, but you have no objections to his choice.

His style of driving is soothing and calm, the noise of the engine rocking you to sleep but you’re doing everything in your power to stay awake.

“I hope there are still rooms available,” he says after a long period of silence.

You blink a couple of times, looking out the window. You are in a parking lot near a small hotel. It must be a hotel, even though it looks like a private villa.

Sebastian takes your bags; you are carrying only your backpack.

Guess what! There are no available rooms.

“I’m sorry, I wanted to give you privacy, but I forgot how small this hotel is. We can go and look somewhere else or… you could use the second bed in my room.” Up to that moment he had no problem looking you in the eye. Now it’s different.

“It’s okay. If you don’t mind me…” You are so tired, that you could crash in the Ferrari if you had no other choice.

“Mind you? Not at all, I just don’t want you to feel… pressured. That’s all. It might look like I want to take advantage of your difficult situation.”

“I don’t feel pressured. I’m just sleepy.”

He looks at you in a weird way that makes you all tingly inside.

“Me too,” he finally says. “Let’s go then.”

* * *

Every little noise you make in the bathroom feels excessively loud to your ears. The shower is a huge relief. It’s nice to finally be clean. The bruising on your left shoulder and hip is getting more visible. The doctor confirmed that you’ve been hit on the back of your head and you collapsed on your left side. You’re bruised and you have small cuts on your feet, but nothing major.

You put your pyjamas on and stare on your reflection in the mirror. Yes, that’s you. No camouflage, no tricks. The natural you, just as God created you. It doesn’t matter what Sebastian will think. Boobs look differently with no bra on. God, he’s thirty years old, he probably knows that. In the morning, he’ll see your bed hair and your sleepy eyes… While you will see him, and surely, it’ll be a blissful sight!

Yes, but he is Sebastian, and you… You don’t feel like the ugliest person in the world, but still… you want to make the best impression on him…

He’s probably already asleep! Stop overthinking and go to bed.

The room is big. His bed is by the wall, yours by the opposite wall. Maybe four steps between them.

You leave the bathroom. Sebastian’s lying on his bed, his feet still on the floor. His eyes are closed, which allows you to openly devour him with your eyes. Your gaze moves from his torso down to his crotch…

A naughty thought flashes through you mind. A thought that makes your mouth dry. Someone should slap you in the face. Having such silly thoughts after what you’ve been through! And at the time when you’re nearly collapsing with tiredness.

You walk up to a closet next to your bed to put your things away.

Maybe he’s fallen asleep? Should you wake him up?

You close the closet with more force than necessary.

Sebastian opens his eyes.

"Oh… I think I dozed off for a moment…” He struggles to his feet, looking around. There’s a white t-shirt and grey shorts on the bed next to him. That’s probably his sleeping clothes. He grabs them and heads to the bathroom.

Meanwhile you slip under the duvet and rest your heavy head on the pillow.

He’s not going to sing in the shower, you think. But it would be so nice to hear him do that one day…

Having all sorts of warm and wet thoughts, you slowly drift into sleep.

* * *

A sharp pain at the back of your head. You’re down on your knees, someone’s holding your hands behind your back, you can’t move… You feel hands on your breast. Rough, unpleasant… You open your mouth to scream in protest…

“No!”

Suddenly, you’re somewhere else. You’re in a cosy bed, warm fingers are caressing your hand.

“It’s okay, it was just a bad dream.”

It’s Sebastian. The man you’ve always loved from afar, but now your heart is nearly exploding with feelings…

He’s here, next to your bed.

Was it a bad dream or a repressed memory?

Whatever happened to you in that alley, it’s in the past. You’re safe now.

Your panicked panting is slowing down.

“You want me to lie next to you?”

“Yes.” Yes, yes, yes.

He clearly wants to rest on the duvet, but you yank it from underneath him. He seems hesitant, but your need is paramount. The need to calm you down and to make you feel safe.

He lies down close to you, you shift onto your side, uncertain if you should put a head on his chest.

He’s so warm… His smell makes you crazy. Your body is on full alert. You’re too aroused to fall asleep.

Does he know? Can he feel how your body reacts to his closeness? You’re a young girl and he’s a handsome man, he shouldn’t really be surprised.

But it’s all too much. You’ve never felt so inebriated by someone’s smell. You can’t think straight.

You’re sharing a bed with Sebastian Vettel. He’s being a gentleman and there’s still a small distance between your bodies.

A thought hits you. Maybe he’s not really into you and doesn’t want to give you the wrong impression? You should respect that. Be happy with what you have. Even if that’s all you’ll ever going to get.

“It’s almost dawn…” His voice, so close to your ear, makes your skin tingle. “Try to get some sleep.”

Ah, so he can probably feel that you’re struggling to relax.

“Don’t worry. I’ll still be here when you wake up.”

You smile in the darkness. He knows what you want to hear.


	6. He's curious

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In bed with Sebastian in the morning... Are you friends already or is he just feeling guilty?

You’re too hot, you need to uncover yourself, but the duvet isn’t moving. You open your eyes to discover that you’re not alone under that duvet. Sebastian’s resting next to you, on his side, a hand under the pillow.

Lying still, you study his long eyelashes, their fair, almost white ends.

The bed is hot, the sun’s already up. You’re contemplating Sebastian’s face, wondering how many girls had the privilege to watch him sleep.

Sebastian’s an extremely private person. From all you know, he used to date Hanna and everyone was convinced they were going to get married one day. But then the couple split in 2013 and since then Sebastian wasn’t dating anyone. At least not officially or according to any gossip. The gossip was that he is gay and… to you that’s the final poof that he really hasn’t been seen with a girl since breaking up with Hanna.

Six years without love? Six years without kisses and hugs? Six years without sex?

What do you even know about it? Maybe privately he had many girlfriends? Maybe he’s still with Hanna but keeps it a secret? Maybe he’s not into sex?

You wish you were asexual… especially now. You wouldn’t feel so fucking… tense…

Suddenly, a phone starts ringing. You curse in your mind, looking for it. You will have to reach around Sebastian, just hurry up, he doesn’t need to wake up yet.

You reach, stretching your arm as far as you can… Almost… just a few centimetres…

Suddenly the bed dips under your weight and you slide onto Sebastian’s body, your boobs pressing hard against his chest.

“Oops…” He’s laughing, the air from his mouth blowing onto your forehead.

You pick yourself up, clumsily. “I’m sorry.”

“No, please. The pleasure was mine.”

“Can you hand me my phone?”

“I don’t think that’s your phone.”

You make an apologetic face. You forgot that your phone got stolen. And Sebastian has the same model.

“We have the same ringtone…”

“Yeah, the vintage one.” Sebastian reaches for the phone, exposing his bicep. Your gaze slides down his shirt to the place when the duvet covers his belly. All right, you better stop staring, you’re already blushing too much.

Your boobs still hurt… Probably because of all the tension. You’re thinking about his magic touch and the relief it would bring, but you realize that you’re getting ahead of yourself. He’s here with you because you needed help. Out of the goodness of his heart. His presence in your bed is not what it seems at first glance.

Sebastian checks his phone. “It was the officer who took your report.”

You left Sebastian’s number as a contact number.

“Do you want to call him back?”

“That’s probably a good idea.” You’re trying not to touch his fingers when he’s giving you his phone. For your own good.

You make the call, feeling Sebastian’s stare on your face and body. He’s resting comfortably in the bed, next to you. Doesn’t look like he has any plans for the morning.

You end the call and return the phone to the owner. “He said they have a recording from the security cameras but only from the street. He said that I should look at it, maybe I’ll remember something useful.”

“Do you want to see it?” he asks, putting the phone on the nightstand.

“I guess it won’t hurt. If I remember something, it’ll be easier to leave it all behind.”

Sebastian nods. “We’ll go after breakfast.”

Are you supposed to lie down again? Just like that? Why the hell not? It’s your bed after all!

You need to lie down and show him that his presence is welcome. Otherwise… he’ll start to feel like he’s taking advantage of you again and so on.

You shift forward to rest your head on the pillow. Sebastian rolls onto his side, sliding a hand under his head.

“How are you feeling?” he asks.

Your eyes meet for a moment, but he’s too close to look him directly in the eye. You would be too exposed.

“I’m all right.”

“Are you in any pain?”

“Not at the moment. Maybe if I start moving.”

“I bet your bruises grew bigger.”

You’re curious yourself, so you expose your shoulder, pulling the pyjama down as far as you can without showing too much.

Sebastian grimaces. He can see your shoulder from a different angle and the bruising is probably more on your back.

“My guess was correct.”

You touch the back of your head; it still hurts to the touch. “The doctor said that it will get worse in the next days, but afterwards, it’ll start to heal. Standard painkillers should help.”

“Do you have any?”

“Yes. But I don’t need them.”

The aching inside you can’t be cured with painkillers.

Sebastian lets out a long sigh. “The thing is, you’re so… petite. When Fabrizio told me, what happened to you in the paddock, I just… I was pissed. Sometimes I can see small girls being squashed by the crowd, and kids too… It drives me mad.”

“I know that I look weak, but I'm not. I’m just unlucky.”

“I didn’t say that you’re weak. I said petite. You’re probably light as a feather.”

“Maybe to big guys like Fabrizio.”

“I’m not that big, but I’m sure I wouldn’t get tired carrying you around either.”

“Because you’re a sportsman. You go to the gym everyday…”

“This reminds me… I should be at the gym right now…” Sebastian turns onto his back.

“I’m sorry that you had to change your plans because of me.”

He glances at you. “I’m glad I could help. I just had an idea. I’ll ask Antti if he could prepare a training routine for you. He can give you some advice when we travel to the races. I could also ask Angela, Lewis’ trainer for help. She’s small too, but she’s tough as nails.”

You pout. “Can Angela or Antti fix my bad luck?”

“Look… I just don’t want you to get hurt. You’ve been through enough already. Besides, I’m the one who invited you yesterday, so… I feel responsible and…”

“Don’t even say that!” You sit up, irritated. “It could have happened to me somewhere else, and then nobody would have looked for me and nobody would have taken care of me the way you did.” Feels like the right moment for a small affection. You lean forward and kiss him on the cheek. “Thank you.”

You notice a change in his breathing.

“Anytime,” he says, but remains motionless as if paralyzed by your kiss. Or as if he was waiting for something. Or fighting something...

He clears his throat. “Maybe we should go back to sleep.”

“I won’t be able to fall asleep…”

“Because of me?”

“No…” Not at all.

“This bed is too small for two people," he states.

“I disagree.”

He smiles. “Well, then let’s rest for a half an hour. Until my stomach starts rumbling.”

Great. Now you have an impression that yours is going to be very loud at any moment.

“Tell me something about yourself,” he says.

“What do you want to know?”

“Where are you from? What are your hobbies?”

After the night visit at the police station Sebastian already knows a lot of personal information about you, but he wants to know more. You tell him everything you find interesting about yourself, carefully choosing your words.

“Is there someone missing you at home?” he asks out of the blue.

“You mean… like a boyfriend?”

“No, a dog!”

Since he got so curious, you decide to ask some questions as well. “Why do you want to know?”

He seems to be in a flirty mood. You hope you’re reading his signals correctly. But just to be safe, accordingly to your pessimistic nature, you decide not to take anything for granted.

“I don’t want to get punched in the face for sharing a bed with someone else’s girlfriend!”

You smile, pulling the duvet up to your chest. “You won’t get punched in the face. I don’t have a boyfriend.”

There, now you know.

"And no dog as well,” you add.

He seems satisfied with your answer.

You’re waiting for him to share his status, but he’s quiet. You start to worry that he’ll change the subject.

“You?” you ask, glancing at him.

“I do have a dog, but he’s living with my parents… so it’s practically their dog now.”

Of course, he’s playing that game.

“Apart from the dog, is there anyone significant in your life?”

He starts shaking his head.

“A girl or a boy?”

“A boy!?” Your suggestion amuses him.

“Didn’t you see the gossip about you being in a secret relationship with a man?”

He visibly relaxes. “I’m not interested in guys. Guys are... too rough, too big, too aggressive, too loud... That’s not what… I like.”

“What exactly do you like then?”

Damn, these eyes... Now you can see clearly the fire in them.

“I like softness, delicateness, mildness... Generally, I’m into small creatures.”

“That’s good to know.” You try your best to make it sound like an invitation and encouragement.

His phone rings again. “That’s probably Antti, stalking my fitness app.” Sebastian gets out of the bed and takes the call.

You have a moment to cool off.

Unfortunately, after a short conversation with his trainer, Sebastian decides that it’s time to leave the bed and start the day.

* * *

The security camera footage shows a car following you after you leave the hotel. A woman and a man get out, the driver stays in the car. When you are close to the alley, the woman hits you on the back of your head with something she’s holding in her hand.

The man drags your limp body into the alley, out of the camera’s frame.

Three minutes later the pair leaves the alley. The woman is carrying your shoes.

“The car was stolen two days ago. Looks like they just needed some cash,” the policeman says. “They noticed your nice clothes and maybe they hoped to find some jewellery on you.”

“Are you okay?” Sebastian’s sitting by your side like a concerned boyfriend.

“Yes. I hope you’ll catch them before they attack someone else,” you say.

“We’ll do our best.”

* * *

Sebastian buys you a new phone. You want to pay him back but he’s protesting.

“It’s not a big deal.”

“What if I want to give you something for free? I can’t now, because I’m in debt...”

“You don’t owe me anything. I assure you.”

You know his legendary stubbornness; he had mentioned it himself during interviews.

“You said you want to give something to me,” he says after a moment. “What’s that?”

“Nothing yet... But it’ll be for free.”

“Will you let me do something in return?”

“Sure... You'll free to do whatever you want."


	7. He's acting strange

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian's making your job difficult. You face him and demand answers.

Another Grand Prix weekend. Another weekend of work. Both for you and Sebastian. But this one feels different.

Everything seems to be going as usual. Sebastian’s doing his job, you do yours. You’re lucky because he’s a part of your job, meanwhile he… He needs to ignore you. But he’s failing.

Every time you show up in the garage, he starts acting strange. He gets tense, his smile disappears, and he cuts the conversations he’s having. No matter what you’re doing, you keep catching him looking at you. Sometimes his stare is almost too heavy to bare. It’s not making your job easier. You feel clumsy, and in an F1 garage it’s not difficult to trip over something.

It eventually happens, when Sebastian is about to get into his car. As you take a step back to have a broader shot, you trip on a small toolbox left on the floor. You reach out in a desperate attempt to hold on to something. Sebastian darts toward you and grabs your hand. His chief mechanic helps by grabbing your arm.

The incident doesn’t go unnoticed. You feel embarrassed, but also annoyed with yourself because you know you’re not a clutz.

“Sebastian’s been making weird faces today. Like he’s having a stomach-ache.” Silvia’s checking your photos. “Did anything happen between you two?”

You nearly choke on your coffee. “Nope… We haven’t talked since I was attacked in Maranello.”

Silvia stares at you, making you uncomfortable. You can tell that she doesn’t believe you even though you’re technically telling the truth. You didn’t talk to Sebastian; you were only exchanging messages.

“Try not to draw any more attention to yourself, okay?”

“That’s usually my goal.”

* * *

During an event in the paddock club you do your best to remain stationary. You’ve found a good spot. You’ll take pictures from only one angle, but better not to take any more risks this weekend.

You’re standing to Sebastian’s left, outside his eyeshot. His profile is very nice, and at the same time, you won’t draw his attention.

At least that’s what you think…

Sebastian’s stuttering like he’s suddenly forgotten how to speak English. Maybe he really isn’t feeling well? Maybe he’s having a strong headache and can’t concentrate?

Some tall guy walks into your shot, deciding to take a spot in front of you. You take a half-step to the left. The guy moves in the same direction, his elbow hitting your camera which hits you in the face.

“I’m sorry, can’t you see that someone is already standing there?” Sebastian’s speaking into the microphone. “Back off before you knock her teeth out… Or I’ll knock off yours…”

The guy apologizes and moves away to a safe distance. Everyone’s staring at you.

So much for not drawing attention…

* * *

Silvia has nothing to say to you when you see her later in the cafeteria. But judging by her face, she’s not in a good mood. If only there was a way to fix this situation… You weren’t doing anything different than usual. All the photos of Charles are looking great. Only Sebastian… looks bizarre.

“Is Sebastian going down with something?” you ask Britta, making sure Silvia can hear you. She needs to know that you really have no idea what’s going on.

Britta glances at Silvia. “You should talk to him, because it looks like it has something to do with you.”

It’s getting unpleasant. What did you do wrong?

“How do you know? He didn’t say anything to me…” you confess.

“He doesn’t want to talk to anyone, but… It’s just my woman’s intuition.”

“I’ll call him.”

“He won’t pick up.” Britta thinks for a moment. “I’ll take you to his room tonight. He won’t have a chance to escape.”

It feels too good to be true, but… the looks on Britta’s and Silvia’s faces are bothersome.

Sebastian’s not going to throw you out the door, but will he have anything positive to say?

* * *

Britta leads you into the hotel and upstairs to the door to Sebastian’s room.

“He might not be happy at first, but don’t hesitate to enter the room.”

“I don’t know… It doesn’t feel right.”

“This entire day didn’t feel right. The sooner you work that out together, the better.” She knocks on the door and runs to hide behind the corner.

Great. Now you’re out of options.

You’re hoping Sebastian will be different in private. Honest. You don’t want him to be in pain, but if he actually has a stomach or a headache, you would feel relieved.

Sebastian opens the door. “What are you doing here?” The initial shock on his face turns into a deep frown.

“Is everything all right?” You take a step forward.

Sebastian moves away from the door. You’re in. He steps further away. You close the door.

“Why do you ask?” He’s wearing baggy sweatpants and a white t-shirt, a pair of slippers on his feet.

“Because you look like you’re in pain. I’m just worried.”

“Who gave you my address? Britta? She’ll have some explaining to do.”

“Just answer my question.”

He glowers at you. He looks like a caged animal. It hurts to imagine that your presence could be so unpleasant.

“Did I do something wrong? I’m trying to be myself… but sometimes I take a wrong step…” You hope you’ll make him feel bad for you. Or at least you’ll provoke him to say something. “You were right. I need some physical training. Although it probably won’t stop other people from being jerks.”

“No, it won’t,” he says angrily. “One day you’ll suffer a concussion… Is that what you want? Are you aware of what can happen in an F1 garage? Those guys are two or even three times your weight!”

So, it is about you after all…

“I think I can handle myself.”

“You think… It doesn’t change the fact that I can’t focus on my job. How can I not look at you when you’re in danger? It’s stronger than me…”

“But… what am I supposed to do? I’m not getting in anyone’s way. Nobody had any complaints so far. Only you!”

“Nobody? What about Silvia?”

You frown.

“She asked me if we had a fight, because I look pissed on the photos. Well, I'm doing what I can, but I’m afraid it’s not going to work.”

A sickening feeling starts growing in your stomach. “It's not fair. I can’t change who I am.”

“You’re right. You can’t.”

“What are you trying to say? Should I look for another job?”

Sebastian’s jaw clenches, but he stays silent.

“Say something.”

The silence stretches, Sebastian’s breathing hard, his gaze glued to the floor.

“I’m a big girl. I can handle the truth. Just don’t be a coward and say it to my face.”

Sebastian swallows. “What do you want me to say?”

“That you don’t want me in your garage.”

“I don’t want you in my garage.” He looks up…

But you don’t want to see his face. You’re too hurt, too furious. You turn on your heels, tears begin to blur your vision.

You sense movement behind your back, Sebastian’s hand clenches on your wrist.

“I want you in my bed,” he says, his voice deep.

You turn to look him in the eye. There’s not a hint of anger in his gaze. Only pure honesty and uncertainty.

“I thought you would be more professional.” You yank your hand out of his grip and turn to leave.

He’s not stopping you. When you open the door, Britta jumps away.

"I'm sorry, I was just..."

Eavesdropping, of course.

You look daggers at her and head for the stairs.


	8. He's hurting

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Someone has bad luck, but it's not you.  
Warning: minor character death.

As you’re on the way back to your hotel, the phone in your pocket keeps vibrating, time and time again.

Despite your worries (or rather hopes), Sebastian didn’t run after you. But he knows he did something wrong and he’s clearly desperate.

Britta is not going to give him your address. You’re sure about that. She knows she pissed you off. So, if you ignore his messages and calls, there’s no other way he can reach you.

Jesus Christ, you don’t know what to think!

Was running away a mistake?

He wants you! Your dreams have come true. But still…

Should you leave everything you achieved at Ferrari behind, only because he wants to sleep with you?

Then again… is there anything in this word that matters more than him?

Why did you leave? What did you want to prove?

Now, instead of being happy in his arms, you feel angry at yourself, and at him. And you don’t know what to do.

Yes, you want him too, but you can’t allow yourself to be blinded by desire. He needs to learn a lesson.

You decide not to read his messages, but when they stop coming, you feel as if you’ve only punished yourself.

In the middle of the night, after a few hours of trying to fall asleep, you give up and reach for the phone.

He tried to call you four times. Three times after you left the hotel, one time an hour later. He probably guessed that you had enough time to calm down. Well, then he guessed wrong because you’re still pissed.

He wants you in his bed… The audacity!

He left five messages. At a first glance you can already see the last three are identical. “I’m sorry.”

You check the first one. “I’m sorry for how I acted. No excuses, because I know I was rude. Please, let me know how to fix this.”

You pout. You’re going to think about that in a minute. Because obviously you can’t leave it the way it is.

Just, how are you two supposed to keep working together? Now not only Sebastian but also you will behave awkwardly…

The second message. “It’s not your fault that I can’t stop thinking about you.”

Damn it.

No, no, no… He won’t get away with how he treated you. He should self-reflect for at least one night. Because longer than that, you don’t have that much patience either.

You’re going to forgive him tomorrow. And… maybe it’ll make him happy and he’ll be smiling again when you approach him with the camera.

It would be perfect. If you could reconcile work and… private life.

Did this really happen? Did he really say that?

You rest your head on the pillow and start dreaming, until you’re finally asleep.

* * *

What's going on? Are you inside an arcade game? Every person around is trying to elbow you. Objects keep appearing on your path. You keep dodging, jumping away, ducking, avoiding any contact. You wish you had eyes at the back of your head.

You make a sharp turn around, quick sidestep.

“Sorry!” Fabrizio’s rolling a tyre past you. “I didn’t see you.”

That’s exactly what you’re trying to achieve. Sebastian’s putting his balaclava on. Antti’s standing next to him with a bottle in his hand.

You must take at least a couple of pictures, but you don’t know how Sebastian’s going to react once he sees you.

Hiding your face behind the camera, you tiptoe slowly toward him. Click, click, click. Done. Time to evacuate, before someone finally knocks you over.

You quickly check the photos and you head to the exit.

In the corridor between the garage and the paddock you lose your balance as if the world’s been pulled from under your feet.

For fuck’s sake… At least Sebastian didn't see it.

Only after a moment you realize that you weren’t clumsy. It’s the ground shaking under your feet. It's an earthquake!

You hear screaming. Behind you and in front of you.

As you lean against the wall to regain balance, you hear glass and plastic crashing around. You see panicked people running aimlessly in the paddock. People on the ground…

You rush back into the garage. There’s a pile of rubble blocking your way, chunks of the ceiling, smoke gets in your eyes… Something’s burning… You squeeze through, coughing and gagging.

“Sebastian!” you scream at the top of your lungs, but your voice barely comes through the noise of the destruction.

Ripped cables spitting sparks on the bodies lying on the ground.

Another earthquake shock sweeps you off your feet. You keep gasping. You can’t see; the air is too hot to breathe. Something hits you on the back, you fall down face forward. You’re desperately trying to pick yourself up, but you’re out of energy. Darkness swallows you.

* * *

Like shadows trough a mist, you start hearing distant voices. Someone’s brushing the hair off your face and touches your neck. Then they press something to your lips and refreshing air fills up your lungs, replacing the painful burden in your chest.

You open your eyes; it feels as if you were emerging from a deep water. As you regain consciousness, you start experiencing pain in your legs and in your back. But it’s not as insufferable as the memory that flashes through your head.

The fire, the stench of chemicals, the sparks…

“Where’s Sebastian?” That’s what you want to ask, but the sounds you’re making are just babbling. 

“Don’t talk, honey. Everything will be alright.”

Will it? What if he’s…

Cold fear spirals through you, making your body tremble.

“She’s in shock.”

You feel a sting on your arm, the shakes slowly go away, replaced by numbness.

* * *

Someone’s speaking German. No, Italian. Now you hear English…

You open your eyes, blinking hard until your vision’s finally sharp.

You’re in a hospital bed, Britta’s by your side. Her face is tense, a phone pressed to her ear. Once she notices that your eyes are open, she sends you a delicate smile.

Why is she here? Shouldn’t she be with Sebastian instead?

You feel as if the garage was crashing down around you again.

“Is Sebastian all right?” Your voice hoarse, you struggle to swallow down. The pain in your throat is making you wince.

Britta nods, without interrupting the call. Still, there are signs of a severe stress on her face.

Sebastian’s entire team was in that garage. What about other buildings and other teams?

You think of Fabrizio, rolling the tyre past you… Antti with the bottle in his hand. Sebastian’s engineers standing in front of their computers… Charles and his guys.

Britta finally puts the phone down. “You were the only thing Sebastian talked about when he regained consciousness. He’s under surgery now. The doctors allowed me to take you to the other building, as soon as the surgery is over. But it might take some time.”

Your stomach drops. “A surgery? What happened to him?”

“His leg is broken in a couple of places. Nothing major… He had a helmet on… Antti…” her voice breaks. “Didn’t have that luck.”

“What? What happened to Antti?”

Britta’s tears are the bitter answer, but she gives you a confirmation as well. “He’s gone.”

You close your eyes, trying to get a grip on your emotions. You didn’t know Antti very well, but Sebastian will be devastated by his death. And that hurts you the most.

You sit up, with an effort, feeling pain in your back, as if someone hit you with a baseball bat.

“I’m so sorry,” you say before consoling Britta with a hug.

After a while, she stops crying. “Thank you,” she says, pulling a pack of tissues from her pocket.

“Does Sebastian know?”

Britta wipes her eyes. “I didn’t want to stress him out. He was already on pins and needles because of you.”

“But you told him that I’m fine.”

“Yes. Right before he got sedated. He was resisting before I arrived.”

What an idiot…

“Will we have to go outside? I don’t think I have the right outfit.” You study your hospital gown.

“Fabrizio’s already on his way with some clothes.”

“Fabrizio! Good to hear that he’s fine.”

“He was in the pitlane.” Britta’s phone rings. “I’ll be back in a sec.” Sebastian’s assistant leaves the room.

You lie down, thinking about Antti. Someone will have to tell Sebastian.

* * *

“You’re awake!” Fabrizio pulls you into a hug.

“Careful, my back hurts…”

“Oh, sorry.” The anticipated bear hug turns into a delicate embrace. “Why were you inside the garage? I saw you leaving. You made me so worried!” His face is tired, his eyes puffy.

“I panicked.”

“You ran back inside to find him, didn’t you?” Fabrizio cups your face in his big hands. “You’re so lucky that you didn’t get to him… If you’d be standing in Antti’s spot…”

You feel tears coming to your eyes. “I know.”

For a while you keep looking at each other. It seems as if Fabrizio’s got a few new grey hairs.

“Maybe it’s not the best moment, but I wanted to congratulate you on your promotion,” he says, touching the tattoo on your wrist. “Not that long ago you were just a member of Sebastian’s fan club, today… you're the first lady.”

You feel heat coming to your cheeks. “I don’t know what you’re talking about because so far… the only thing that happened is that Sebastian made a fool of himself, yesterday.”

“All I know is that when they were pulling him from under the debris, he kept repeating your name.”

You feel warmth in your chest. You'd never want to make his so worried. On the other hand, you were worried too.

“Is Britta with him?” Fabrizio asks.

“She went to check if the surgery is already over. She’ll come for us, when he starts waking up.”

Fabrizio opens his bag. “I got you some sweatpants and a sweatshirt. I hope they won’t be too big. I’ll wait outside.”

“You can just turn around.”

“Okay.”

A moment later you have bad news for him. “The sweatpants are too long.”

He turns around slowly.

“But that’s okay, I can roll them up.”

“And the sweatshirt?”

“It fits perfectly.”

* * *

Britta returns an hour later, a deep sadness on her face.

Something’s wrong. The surgery was unsuccessful? Or maybe she just found out about new victims?

“What happened?” Fabrizio puts a chocolate bar he was just about to eat back into his pocket.

“I told him about Antti.”

“Oh…” A sigh of relief escapes you. “You did the right thing,” you say, reaching out to pat her shoulder. “He would’ve found out eventually, and he’d be angry with us for not telling him straight away.”

“I know. It’ll take him months to recover. Same goes for his leg. He won’t come back to racing very soon.”

There’s a storm of thoughts in your head. Ferrari would have to hire someone else. Sebastian’s contract is almost over anyway and his future in the team is not certain.

“He asked about you again,” Britta looks you in the eye. “He wants to see you.”

“Yeah, but… now that he knows about Antti, he probably wants to be alone,” you say.

“No, no. He said that after I told him about Antti.”

Your heart grows heavy in your chest, you can’t even stand straight. “Let’s go then.”

“I’ll walk you to the next building,” Fabrizio takes his bag. “And then we’ll go to the hotel and you’ll finally take some rest,” he says, putting his arm around Britta. “Sebastian will be in good hands.”

Britta nods.

* * *

Sadness tints everything. Discolours all the positive emotions you’re experiencing. Like a sepia effect.

Sebastian’s not sleeping. His head goes up as you walk into the room. His left leg is stabilized with a cast.

You walk up to him, his long eyelashes are wet, trails of tears on his cheeks. But when your eyes meet, a tired smile appears on his face.

“I’m glad you’re okay,” he says, reaching out to you.

You take his hand. “It’s because I didn’t want you to see me. I took a few pictures and I ran away…”

“And then you ran back in, looking for me.”

You press his hand to your cheek. “What’s important is that you’re alive and you still have two legs.”

He studies your face, a shadow of sadness lingering in his expression. “Are you still angry with me?”

“No… of course not.”

As he pulls your hand to his lips, you lean over to kiss his forehead.

He’s alive. And warm and looks so cuddly… and sad.

“Will you lie down next to me?” he asks. “There’s plenty of room for a little bird like you.”

You can’t imagine saying no to him. Not now. Not ever.

You climb onto the bed; Sebastian shifts slightly to the side. No grimacing, no wincing, the painkillers are doing their job.

He cradles you in his arms. “You’re in my bed, just as I wanted.”

“I wanted it too,” you say, resting your hand on his chest.

“I’m sorry if I cry…”

You lift your head to look at him. His eyes are glistening with tears.

“My trainer…”

“I’m so sorry.” Your vision blurs as well.

You have no idea how to comfort him. You don’t know how to lessen his pain. You don’t know how to make this difficult experience easier.

The only thing that comes to your mind is to kiss his cheek. And his little nose. His cheek again. Delicately, as if you were sprinkling him with cherry petals…

And finally, his full lips… dry and salty with tears. Gingerly, the upper lip. The corner of his mouth.

You lean away, ready to give it a rest if he doesn’t react.

“You’re the sweetest distraction…” he whispers, grasping your chin and pulling your lips closer into another kiss, this time reciprocated.

Sadness tints everything. But love’s the best medicine. And you’ll ready to give him more than he needs.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading. Leave a comment, please. I need to know what you think.


	9. He's getting better

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian's depressed after his friend's death. Can you help him get better? (Also, you get to meet Seb's parents!)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little longer. Enjoy! Waiting for your comments, as usual. Let me know what you think.

“Does he talk to you?” Britta asks you over the phone.

“Yes. I call him once a day, but he doesn’t say much. I usually tell him about my day,” you explain, shaking your head, when your mom offers you another piece of cake.

After you returned home, your parents welcomed you like a veteran. You’re not surprised; you could have died. But there’s also another reason why they are so nice. They are convinced that you started dating a millionaire.

You never told them what happened between you and Sebastian, but they know that you call him every day.

“I’m in Zurich,” Britta says. “I went to visit him at the rehabilitation clinic, but it wasn’t a nice experience. He’s even more depressed, because he couldn’t go to Antti’s funeral. I’m worried about him. He needs to start using crutches, move a little. I’m worried that he gave up on recovery.”

Your heart is breaking when you hear Britta’s words. You’re glad that you’ve already eaten, because now you are worried sick, and your appetite is gone.

“Could you visit him?” Britta gets to the point. “Spend a few days with him, convince him to move, do some exercises. I’ll take care of your travel and accommodation. I don’t have much to do anyway.”

“I need to be in Maranello in two days.”

“I’ve already spoken to Silvia. She said that Callo can do the work alone. At least for now.”

“If so, then fine. I’ll go and pack my bags. I’ll be ready to leave tomorrow.”

“I’ll be forever grateful. We’ll meet when you get here.”

* * *

You don’t mention the visit to Sebastian. You want to surprise him and see his reaction.

When you meet Britta in Zurich, you get crushed by how tired she looks. Britta dedicated a large part of her life to Sebastian and the unexpected change in their every-day routine is taking its toll on her. Besides, Antti was her close friend too.

“Go back to Germany and get some rest,” you say, as you’re having a coffee in a café next to the clinic. “I’ll call you every evening to tell you about his progress.”

“I hope he’ll make at least some progress soon.”

“He will. He just needs more time. We have to be patient.”

Britta keeps nodding. You can see that your words have cheered her up. Now you need to repeat the same thing with Sebastian.

* * *

Your heart is hammering, as you look at the door to Sebastian’s room.

You knock three times. Silence. Maybe he’s asleep or not even there?

You wait a while longer, pricking up your ears, hoping he would give away his presence with an involuntary noise. You knock again.

“It’s open.”

You can only hear his voice, because your ear is almost pressed to the door. He sounds flat. Unrecognizable.

You enter the room. Sebastian’s lying on the bed. Looks like he gave up on shaving. His right leg covered with a duvet, the left one’s still in the cast. A laptop by his side, but it’s closed.

“It’s you!” His face comes to life at your sight. “Why didn’t you tell me that you were coming?”

“I wanted to surprise you.” You approach him, getting unexpectedly self-conscious.

The truth is, you don’t even know if you are together. You never talked about it. You just confessed to each other that you want to share a bed, but… that’s not how it usually goes, right?

Sebastian sits up.

A hug is always appropriate, so you sit down on the edge of the bed and lean toward him, opening your arms.

He lets you hug him, but he’s not his usual self. Normally he’s way cuddlier.

“What were up to?” you ask, reaching to the laptop.

“Put it away, I was watching movies… I mean, I wanted to, but everything was boring.”

You put the laptop on the bedside table.

“Would you lie down next to me?” he asks. “But be warned. I’m boring and moody… I forgot all my jokes. I just want to sleep.”

“Do you want me to get you something to eat or drink first?”

“I have no appetite. I’m trying to drink as little as I can too, because I don’t feel like limping to the bathroom. It’s too exhausting.”

He sounds hopeless. But this is not moodiness. It’s something more complex.

You take your shoes off, wondering if you should lock the door. No, there’s no point. Nothing will happen. He didn’t even want to kiss you after you entered the room.

You lie down on the bed, next to him, waiting for his move. Does he want to cuddle or just talk?

“How’s your leg?”

“It hurts.”

“That’s probably because it’s healing.”

“That’s what they say, but I think… it will always give me a hard time. Even when it’s already healed. It will keep me awake at night.”

It’s hard to listen to him… But what if complaining helps him cope?

You sit up and open your arms, invitingly. “Do you want to rest your head on my lap?”

He stares at your as if he couldn’t understand English. He glances at your lap, and at you again.

“Okay.”

He’s like a little puppy. He would probably love to curl into a fluffy ball on your lap, if he could.

You lean down to kiss his hair, before stroking it with your hand.

“Do you think he suffered a lot?” He’s talking about Antti, of course.

“No, I heard that he lost consciousness and never felt a thing.”

That’s what you heard, but maybe you were lied to.

“He’s in a better place now,” you continue. “We can’t bring him back, and he probably wouldn’t even want us to try. What he would want is for you to be healthy and strong again. He would want to see you racing again. And winning.”

You notice a tear pooling in the corner of Sebastian’s eye. “I don’t know if I can do it without him. He was always there. In the darkest times… always there for me.”

“What if he wanted to leave and start a family. Would you let him go?”

Sebastian’s skin feels feverish to the touch. “I would let him go, of course. I did that for Heikki.”

“And you would wish him all the best and you would search for a new trainer.”

“Yes, Heikki knows all of them. He will find me a good replacement.” At some point Sebastian moved from a hypothetical situation to his reality. And that’s good.

“You have the best care here. I’m sure they will help you stand on both feet again. And you’ll be running in a couple of weeks.”

He’s not responding. You don’t know if it’s a good sign, but at least he doesn’t argue.

* * *

“I thought he was happy to see me, but then he went back to a dark place,” you say to Britta over the phone. “I spent a couple of hours with him, but most of the time he was just sleeping.”

“The same happened when I was there.”

“Tomorrow will be better. I’ll take him for a walk.” Just listen to what you, a pessimist, is saying! Tomorrow will be better?

“A walk? He barely hobbles around the room.”

“We’ll use a wheelchair. I’ll push him.”

“He better pushes himself. His hands should be working just fine.”

* * *

You can tell that he lost weight since the accident. He takes his t-shirt off in front of you and puts on a fresh one. You can see his ribs stick out.

If he was his normal self, he would probably crack a joke to break the tension. But there’s no tension between you. Only your patient love and his sluggish movements.

You hand him a hoodie.

“I hope your legs won’t get cold,” you say, looking at his shorts and the sock on his right foot. “Or you know what? We can use a blanket.”

“Could you put a sock on my other foot? I can’t reach that far.”

The gesture feels very intimate; you can’t explain why. You’re trying to be as delicate as possible to not cause him more pain.

After he settles in the wheelchair, you cover his legs with a blanket.

“I’ll be spinning the wheels, you just help me steer,” he says.

Once you’re out of the room, you immediately attract attention of the staff of the clinic. They look grateful that you managed to get Sebastian out of his cave. And now you’re taking him outside, where the sun is shining, and the air is fresh.

“My parents are coming for a visit tomorrow. I’d like you to meet them,” he says when you’re in the elevator.

“That’s great. I’d love to meet them.”

Are you even a couple? Are you dating? Does it matter? You’re not looking for titles or rewards. You only want him to smile again.

“It’s cold out here,” he says pulling the blanket up to his chin.

_It’s because you barely eat, my love._

“Cover your arms and hands. I’ll push you.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes.”

* * *

A part of the clinic is a small, gated park. You manage to find a nice, sunny corner, covered from the wind, where you can park Sebastian’s wheelchair next to a bench.

“Are you still cold?”

“I got used to it.”

You reach to a pocket at the back of the wheelchair. “Time for a snack,” you say, grabbing a box of luxurious chocolates that Britta gave Sebastian a couple days ago. He hasn’t touched them yet.

He throws a glance at the box before looking away.

“I’ll pick one for you. Close your eyes.”

He looks at you. Again, making that face as if he couldn’t understand what you’re saying. But after a while, it gets to him.

He closes his eyes; you pick a random chocolate.

“Open your mouth.”

You slide the chocolate into his mouth, the tip of your finger brushing against his lower lip.

Sebastian keeps his eyes closed, moving his jaw. “I forgot how much I love chocolate,” he says a moment later.

You choose one for yourself. “These are delicious,” you say. “You want more?”

“Yes, pick another one.”

* * *

You remember how strong his hands were when he was helping you after you were attacked in Maranello. And now, when you touch them, they are cold and limp.

“What do you need? Just tell me. What would you like do to?” you say, your thumbs gently rubbing his palm lines. “I’ll do anything.”

The frown on his forehead grows deeper. “Just… forgive me for being weak.”

“It’s not a weakness to grieve after a close friend.”

“Something’s broken inside me, and I’m not sure if it can be repaired.”

You swallow a lump down your throat. “I’ll be by your side no matter what.”

His hand comes alive, his fingers closing on yours. “That’s good. Because I really don’t want to be alone.”

* * *

That day he says goodbye to you with a kiss. It’s a short kiss, but it fills your heart with hope.

“You deserve more,” he says. “And I want to give you more, but I just can’t stop thinking about Antti. And that would ruin every good experience.”

“That’s okay. I understand. Maybe you could shave in the morning, before your parents arrive?”

No reaction.

“I can come earlier and help you.”

You see a bit of animation on his face before he nods his head.

* * *

You’re so nervous about the whole shaving thing and meeting his parents that you can’t sleep.

But when you finally get to his room in the morning, he welcomes you already shaved, wearing fresh clothes.

“You shaved your beard yourself.”

Now he looks even skinnier. The skin on his cheeks seems a bit saggy.

“I took a shower and before I knew, it was gone.”

Is that a joke?

“I was actually going to ask… how do you shower with that thing on your leg?”

“Why? Do you want to help?”

Is that another joke?

“I’m… I said I’ll do anything, didn’t I? So, I guess that would count as well.”

You see a little smile and it makes you want to scream with joy.

“It takes a lot of time, especially taking my clothes off. The shorts and the briefs… and that left sock… But I have nothing better to do.”

He really is joking!

“Can I get a kiss?” he asks, patting a spot on the bed next to him.

“Yes, you can.” You sit down, feeling tickling in your belly. Will it be a real kiss this time?

Sebastian lifts his hand to cup your cheek. “My parents will bring food, and a lot of souvenirs, don’t be alarmed. You might feel like we’re in a circus.”

“I know how family works,” you say, your voice tense because his hand is so warm again…

“I’m so glad you’re here, my little bird.” He leans forward.

His plump lips lock with yours. Warm, no… hot and soft. He’s very delicate. As he moves his lips away, you hear that sensual kissing sound that makes your skin tingle.

“Are you feeling better?” you ask.

He nods, licking his lips. You wish he just kissed you harder…

* * *

He exaggerated. His parents are not loud at all. The only thing that makes this family meeting a bit awkward is that they are speaking German, and you can’t understand them.

His parents greeted you with hugs. And then they focused on their son, unpacking various food items and snacks as if Sebastian was not fed well enough in the clinic. You can feel Heike’s discreet glances. Norbert has a lot to say, you can’t even guess if he’s talking about their house or cars or maybe a football game he just watched.

Watching Sebastian eating again brings peace to your soul. When you get your portion, you stop wondering why he suddenly got his appetite back.

The mom keeps glancing at you. At some point she asks Sebastian a question in German.

“Mom wants to know what your parents are doing for a living.”

Oh, the interview begins. You answer and Sebastian translates it into German. Other questions follow. Do you have any siblings? What’s your education? What are your hobbies? Sebastian wants to show his parents your photos and… it turns out he has a separate folder on his laptop.

Not that long ago he complained that he doesn’t like looking at his own face, and now he has a folder with the photos of his face taken by you!

Norbert hands you a compact camera and wants you to take a picture of Sebastian with him and Heike. And then Norbert takes a photo of you, Sebastian and Heike. And Heike takes a photo of you, Norbert and Sebastian. And finally, Sebastian takes a photo of you and his parents…

You keep seeing that little smile on his face. The joy in his eyes is not as easy to spot, but you believe that it’ll shine through soon.

“Send the photos to Fabian and your sisters,” Norbert says to Sebastian.

_Yes, he needs something to do._

* * *

The next day is your last day together. When you knock on Sebastian’s door, nobody responds. Someone from the staff informs you that Sebastian is in a gym next to the physiotherapy room.

You can’t get inside, but you can see him through the glass on the door. He’s lifting weights. His broken leg is too weak to sustain him for now, but he can work on his upper body. He must be so used to being active, no wonder that lying in bed for days turned him into a zombie.

Your staring attracts his gaze. He grins, interrupting the exercise. He grabs his crutches and crosses the room. Looks like he’s freshly shaved again.

“I had no idea it was already ten!”

“Hi, I see you started the day early.”

He leans to you; you lean to him. You can believe how good you already are in small kisses. Feels like something you’ve been doing for years.

“I didn’t even sweat,” he says. “Let’s go to my room.”

“If you want to train more…”

“No, no. I don’t want to waste the last hours we can spend together.”

Reaching Sebastian’s room takes you a while. It takes more effort than Sebastian’s exercises at the gym.

“Why do I run out of energy so quickly? It’s annoying,” he moans, dropping the crotches and falling onto the bed.

You take your jacket off.

“That’s a nice sweater.”

“Thank you.” You start blushing. He seems to be looking at your sweater, but if feels as if he had x-rays in his eyes.

“Can I ask you a favour?” He’s still staring.

You don’t know what to do with yourself. Should you sit down in a chair? On the bed? Maybe hang the jacket on the coat rack first.

“Sure.”

“Yesterday when my parents organized that whole photo session, I realized one thing.”

Now you really must decide where to sit. You can’t stand in the middle of the room… like in a principal’s office.

Your dilemma gets solved by Sebastian who sits up and makes some room for you on the bed.

“I have plenty of photos taken by you and I look at them often, because I like seeing the world through your eyes. But… I don’t have a photo of you.”

He wants to have your photo! He wants to stare at it when you’re away! Maybe even set it as his phone background? Would he do that?

“Let’s take a selfie together,” you suggest.

“Later. I was thinking more like… if you’re okay with it, I wanted to take a couple of pictures myself. Since my dad left the camera… it’s on the table.”

Saying no to him is out of the question, but you’re not sure if you can relax to look good on the photos.

“You don’t like the idea?” Sebastian’s studying your reactions. “It’s okay. You don’t have to do it.”

“No, it’s fine. I’m just a little nervous, because my hair is… not looking great today and… I haven’t slept that well. And I’m not used to being photographed…”

“Now you know how I felt when you were torturing me in Maranello.”

“I… was just doing my job.”

Sebastian bursts out laughing. For the first time since the accident. “I’m joking. Why are you so stressed? You don’t like me looking at you?”

Jesus Christ, you’re going to stutter, you already know it. “I… I’m just a bit tense…”

“But in a good way, right?”

“I don’t look good on photos when I’m tense.”

“Maybe I want to have a photo of you looking tense… in a good way, because it’s hot?”

“It won’t look hot, believe me.”

“Well, let me be the judge. Unless you doubt my photographing skills.” He laughs again. “Don’t worry. I won’t ask you to undress or anything. But I wouldn’t mind if you rested your head on my pillow…”

“I need to fix my hair first.”

“Messed up hair looks great in bed.”

“Are you suggesting that my hair is messed up?”

“Not yet,” he says. “Come on. Don’t be shy. Or… be shy, I don’t mind. I like you anyway. Unless you’re really, really uncomfortable.”

“I’m not. I just need a minute, okay?”

“All right. Just hand me the camera. I’ll find a dreamy setup.”

Dreamy…

You recall the state you found him in when you first arrived, and the progress is just stunning. You should pat yourself on the back.

But not now. You need to relax and do the best modelling job possible! But how?!

Once you’re in the bathroom, you check yourself in the mirror. There’s nothing to fix about your hair. It’s a perfect ponytail. But… you’re almost certain he’ll asks you to let your hair down. Maybe you should do it right now, just to show him that you know what he wants?

You take the scrunchie off and ruffle your hair, to make it look like you just got up from bed. After a moment of hesitation, you take your sweater off, messing your hair even more in the process. You have a white sleeveless top on, and it’s so tight you can see all the details of your bra.

At least he’ll know that you’re not uncomfortable.

“Oh… wow…” He says, his mouth stays open for a couple of seconds. “Aren’t you a generous woman.”

“Where do you want me…”

“Everywhere. I want you everywhere,” he interrupts before sending you a big grin, as if that would make his words less provocative.

“…to stand,” you calmly end the sentence.

“Could you sit on the bed, please?” he picks himself up, making you more room. “Shit… I forgot about my leg…”

Mission accomplished!

“You want your crutches?”

“No… I better sit on the bed as well. I want some close ups.”

_Of course, you do._

“I wish I could move more freely…”

_Yeah, same…_

You feel a bit nervous again when he points the camera at you.

“Where should I look?”

“Wherever you want… Just… talk to me. Don’t worry about the camera.”

“But you’re not recording a video?”

“Why would I want to listen to my own voice?”

That’s a believable argument.

You try to relax and act natural… You look at the wall. This is awkward.

“I like your hair like that…”

You smile. “Happy to please you.”

“You are? Can I touch your shoulder?”

“Sure…”

He just brushes your skin, lightly, with one little swipe… “It’s working.”

Does he want a photo of you covered in goose bumps? Well, then he’ll get one…

“Would you lie down for me?”

_For you? Yes. Anytime._

“Should I cover myself with the duvet?”

“Only your jeans.”

He doesn’t want to lose your white top from his view.

You rest on your side, making sure your boobs are nicely squeezed.

“Oh… this is perfect.”

_Of course, it is. I know what you’re glancing at all the time…_

“Can I touch you again?”

“You don’t have to ask.”

He extends his hand and flicks a strand of your hair behind your ear, making your skin cover in goose bumps again.

“What are you going to do with these photos?” you ask, turning your eyes to the camera. You can see that his lips are parted and he’s taking deep breaths in.

“I will admire them when you’re away. Privately. Nobody else will see them. Ever.”

“Admire…” Your eyelids get heavy.

You should give him something to admire. He called you a generous woman. Show him how generous you really are.

You roll onto your back and start stretching and arching your spine.

Sebastian moves the camera away from his face, his eyes glued to your top.

After shifting closer, he slides his fingertips under your top to grab the fabric. He pulls it slightly up, exposing your belly. “Could you hold it like that?”

Nah, your stomach doesn’t look photogenic… But maybe, from his angle…

You hold onto the fabric, but to your surprise, Sebastian puts the camera down, leans forward and kisses you on the belly…

It’s pleasant, it tickles your skin, but it also tickles you hard somewhere else… especially since the next kiss lands closer to your belly button.

“What are you doing?” you ask. Did he put a spell on you? Because you can’t move. Your hand clenched on the fabric is starting to sweat, your mouth gets dry.

“I’m making your nervous…” he says, looking up. “And now…” he reaches for the camera. “You’re making the right face.”

* * *

You’re surprised that the day ended with an innocent cuddling session.

He didn’t want to show you the photos, and part of you wonders if he even took any.

But you did take a selfie together. Two selfies to be precise. One with your phone, one with Seb’s. You have a photo of him kissing you on the cheek and you’re sure you’ll stare at it for hours.

“When I’m out of here and back at home, will you visit me?” he asks before you leave.

“Yes, I’d love to see your house.”

He studies your face. “Thank you for all you’ve done.”

“You would do the same for me. Actually, you did when I needed your support.”

He leans forward, it’s time for the last kiss. It’s a lingering one, Seb’s plump lips brush against yours, once, twice, slowly.

“Don’t forget to call Britta, okay?” you say, caressing his cheek. “She’ll be happy to hear from you.”

“Okay, I’ll do that. Stay safe, my little bird.”

“And you stay strong.” _My love._


	10. In the closet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You visit Sebastian on his Swiss "ranch". You're not the only visitor and you have trouble finding any privacy. But, where there's a will there's a way.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for your patience. And Happy New Year!

You’re at a train station in Switzerland waiting for the crowd to melt away. Once there’s more space around you, it’s easier to locate the person who’s supposed to pick you up. Especially since Sebastian’s dad is slightly shorter than you.

Will he recognize you? He’s only seen you in person once.

After a minute of scanning the area, you see him rushing down the stairs.

He notices you immediately, probably because you’re the only person left on the platform. Once he walks up to you, he smiles and gives you a hug.

Norbert knows basic English; you hope you’ll have a chat as he’ll drive you to Seb’s ranch.

He takes care of your big luggage which next to him looks even bigger. But he has no issues with handling it. Similar to his son, a small body hides a strong person. In a sense, he reminds you of a dwarf from fantasy fiction.

“How’s Sebastian?” you ask in the car. You talk to Sebastian every day over the phone, but you want to hear Norbert’s opinion.

“Tired,” he says with a strong accent. “Siblings, nephews, mother… too much noise. Mother is afraid to leave him alone. And now everyone is on his head. With love because we are family, but he’s not depressed anymore. He needs peace and quiet. He’s not alone with you, right? I told mother.”

Mother is his wife; that’s how he calls her. Sometimes he adds German words to his monologue, but so far so good, you get what he means.

“Sebastian said that there’s enough beds for ten people in his house.”

Norbert glances at you, analysing your words. “Ten? It was fifteen yesterday. But Stefanie is _weg_ . The house is big, always a place to hide. But there’s noise anyway. And too much talking. The weather is bad. Sebastian still uses the… the… _Krücken_… He can’t even go for a walk!”

Now you understand why Sebastian is tired. It has nothing to do with his accident or Antti’s death, well, not directly. It’s because of the way his family is keeping him company. On one hand you know that Sebastian’s a family person and that he spent some time alone in the clinic, but on the other hand… Norbert knows him well and if he says that Sebastian needs peace and quiet, then it must be true.

* * *

Sebastian’s Swiss ranch looks a bit different than on the old photographs that were taken before he bought it. Especially the interior, although it still has its vintage character. The house is full of warmth and comfort. Every family member seems to have left a mark in this house. There are many photographs on the walls and atop the fireplace, and many souvenirs and decorations that create the atmosphere of the place.

Norbert’s giving you a small tour since, apparently, Sebastian’s still busy getting a massage from a physiotherapist. You meet Fabian, Sebastian’s brother, his sister Melanie and her family. Everyone is sitting in the kitchen, cleaning up after one meal and already planning another.

Norbert let you know that the room that Stefanie and her family have been using is not cleaned up yet, so you will be sharing a bedroom with "mother".

“The big bedroom is not ready, because Sebastian wanted a new bed… And… yes, I’m still renovating. Mother’s not snoring, no worry. It’s just one night.”

Sebastian wanted a new bed. Interesting. What happened to the old one?

“I don’t mind using Stefanie’s room,” you say. “I can clean it up myself.”

“No, no. You are a guest.”

“But I came to help.”

Norbert scratches what’s left of his hair. "I must talk to mother.”

“Or let’s ask Sebastian.” It’s his house after all, isn’t it?

“He listens to his mother.”

Of course.

“Where is he, by the way? Did he leave the house?”

“He’s in the other building. He has all racing things there. The gym, the massage table, the trophies, the helmets…”

“Can I go and see him?” You notice hesitation on Norbert’s face. “Please.”

“But I will go first. I will see if he’s ready.”

He’s probably worried that Seb will be naked or something like that. Which is funny because how on earth would he know that you haven’t seen Seb naked already? You doubt Sebastian’s that close with his parents.

You leave your luggage next to your assigned bed and you set out on an exciting journey to meet Sebastian. The only journey that matters.

* * *

Norbert wasn’t joking when he said that he’ll go first. He leaves you outside the building and asks you to wait. He’s fiercely guarding Sebastian’s privacy, maybe a bit too fiercely. But you understand his point of view. You are a new person in the family. They treat you with kindness, but it’ll take time until they grant you their full trust.

You’re waiting outside, admiring the surroundings; the grass is freshly cut, the bushes are trimmed as well.

Someone appears at the door, but it’s not Norbert. You guess it’s the physiotherapist. He greets you in German and heads toward a car parked nearby.

“You can come in!” Norbert finally gives you a permission to enter.

Feeling tingling in your belly, you enter Sebastian’s private kingdom. Private but related to his profession. The main room is a gym. There are big windows opposite to the entrance, overlooking the picturesque fields and hills in the distance.

Sebastian’s lying on his back on the massage table. Wearing shorts only. Very short shorts. He has an alluring blush on his cheeks.

“Good morning.” He doesn’t move, he just grins.

Norbert clears his throat, staring at you two.

Sebastian turns his head to him and says something in German, Norbert replies, shrugs his shoulders and leaves. Finally!

“I told him that he doesn’t need to guard my virginity because it’s already gone,” Sebastian says, his eyes following you as you approach the massage table.

“Did you get a massage with a happy ending? Because you look quite happy.” Your eyes keep darting to Sebastian’s belly which… when he’s lying on his back… it just looks mesmerizing… Not to mention his strong thighs…

“My physiotherapist is a man.”

“So what?” Oh, if only you had more courage! Your hands are aching to touch his skin… But the only thing you can do right now is to grab Sebastian’s hand and lean down.

“I already told you that I’m not into guys.”

“I’m not convinced."

“Oh, I’ll convince you…”

You still can’t wrap your head around the fact that you can look Sebastian Vettel straight in the eye. In general. Not to mention when his eyes are… so huge with arousal… It’s a top-secret view that only a few lucky people will ever witness. You can’t consider yourself a pessimist anymore. Not when your lips touch his plump, full lips and his fingers interlock with yours.

You’re not daring enough to reach for more. He’ll have to take the initiative. You want him to do it. Because he has more experience and he’ll take good care of you.

“How’s your leg?” you ask, using the opportunity to study his body again. Only with your gaze for now, but you can’t wait to follow the same lines with your hands… and with your lips…

“It looks okay, but I’m not allowed to lean on it heavily yet.”

“Does it hurt?”

“Not much, because I barely use it… Can you hand me my shirt?”

Your mouth fills with saliva at the sight of the working muscles of Seb's belly and thighs, as he sits up. “Hey, muffin…”

The shirt, right!

“Is my naked body distracting you?”

“You’re not naked.”

“You sound disappointed.” He’s not taking his eyes off you. It’ obvious that he’s trying to make you blush, but he won’t succeed. He can’t… Damn it!

Sebastian pulls the shirt on. “I’m just messing with you. Welcome home,” he says, adding your name and opening his arms.

You have a sweater on, he’s only wearing a shirt, but you can still feel his hotness through the fabric.

“I missed you so much,” he whispers before cupping your jaw to pull you into a kiss. Finally, you can taste his lips properly.

Someone smart knocks on the door.

Sebastian breaks the kiss and sighs deeply.

Turns out, it’s Fabian. His face apologetic, he lets you know that Sebastian’s mom is serving a dessert and she needs to know what you want to drink.

* * *

“Can you persuade your mom to let me sleep in Stefanie’s room?” you ask Sebastian when you are walking from one building to the other. Sebastian still uses the crutches when he has a long distance to walk.

“I can’t. Stefanie’s husband is a heavy smoker and the room’s just stinking. You will suffocate in your sleep.”

“I’ll open the windows for a couple of hours.”

“They are already open. We’ll have to change the mattress and wash the carpet and maybe even repaint the walls…”

“You’re joking, right?”

“A little,” he gives you a pretty smile. “It’s only for one night. If things go well, maybe we’ll have the entire house just to ourselves starting tomorrow afternoon.”

“Maybe?”

“My mom doesn’t want to leave, but I think dad will convince her.”

“She’s worried that I’ll eat you alive.”

“You don’t look like a cannibal.”

“And what happened to your bedroom? If you’re sleeping alone, maybe I could pay you a visit…”

“I’m sleeping with Fabian now.” Sebastian bursts out laughing, seeing your face. “Listen, I got used to hotel beds and I was comfortable with a single bed in my bedroom, but then… someone caught my eye and I thought: don’t be afraid to have dreams and aspirations, right? If you want something badly, you need to focus and work hard to get it, but you also need to prepare for success. So, while doing that, I realized that, even though the creature I was pursuing was quite petite, I needed a large bed. And now my bedroom is under renovation. The new bed is already there, but dad has just finished varnishing some elements and he’d be furious if anyone touched them before they’re fully dried. Besides… it stinks of chemicals inside.”

“You bought a large bed before you even asked me if I’m interested?”

“Well… I saw your tattoo. And I assumed that a girl who is ready to have my name tattooed on her skin is… kind of… thinking warm thoughts about me.”

“I do have warm thoughts about you, you’re right.”

“I almost coordinated everything perfectly. The bedroom’s not ready yet, but you arrived just in time to save me from another week with my family. I love them, but… I’d like to rest.”

* * *

The tea and then the dinner remind you a bit of Sebastian’s parents visiting their son in the clinic. There’s food, there’s a loud, chaotic conversation that you in large part can’t understand. There are running children and a dog as well, German music and a few photo sessions.

When Melanie starts collecting empty dishes, you offer to help.

“You’re a quiet person, aren’t you?” she says, putting a dirty plate into a dishwasher.

“I need time to get comfortable,” you answer. “You have such an amazing family. With all your small rituals. I need to observe and learn, because I don’t want to disturb them.”

Melanie smiles. “There’s still this euphoric mood that everyone got into after Sebastian finally got out of his depression. It’s such an enormous relief.”

“I agree.”

“To see him smiling again… and even… in love! It’s a miracle. Thank God you started working for Ferrari. If you weren’t there… I don’t think he would’ve picked himself up so quickly.”

“I feel blessed too, to be honest. I had my share of bad luck, professional and not only, this year. But still… even if my life’s been a rollercoaster, I feel lucky. But I’m aware that I didn’t look too ecstatic at the table…”

“Don’t worry. As you said, It’s only a matter of time. If Sebastian loves you, we’ll all love you as well, for sure.”

You smile. It’s not the right moment to explain that Sebastian has not confessed his love to you yet. “Thank you, I appreciate it,” you say.

* * *

Going to bed is the most stressful activity of the day. Mostly because Sebastian’s mom is so reluctant to speak English. You wish she just ignored you completely, because her attention is a bit overwhelming. You feel like she’s watching your every move. In her mind, she’s probably judging your pyjamas, your loose hair, how much time you spent in the bathroom and how you organized the space around you…

When she finally says “_Gute Nacht_” and turns the light off, you feel relieved, but only for a moment.

The bed’s not comfortable. The fabric of the duvet makes a lot of noise as you’re turning to your other side. But on the other side you feel uncomfortable as well. You can’t stop thinking about how loud your breathing is and how you really need to stop tossing and turning. Then a moment of crisis comes because you feel like you have to pee…

Do you? Or is it just your imagination? Because you just peed. You must stop thinking about it.

Good luck.

Minutes pass, hard to say how many, because you can’t reach for your phone without making noise with your duvet… You feel an even bigger urge to pee, and you realize that if you don’t do something about it, it’ll keep you from falling asleep.

Maybe Sebastian’s mom is already sleeping? Norbert said that she doesn’t snore. You wish she did...

Well, sink or swim! No point wasting time.

You get up from the bed, put a pair of slippers on and leave the room. As quiet as you can you close the door behind you. The floor in the corridor creaks under our feet. You get to the bathroom; you use the toilet, annoyed with yourself because you only manage to pee out a couple of drops.

The floor squeaks on the other side of the door. Someone’s in the corridor. Waiting. Listening to you pee? Well, no stress, because you just finished.

You quickly wash your hands, dry them with a towel and open the door, just to see Sebastian’s big eyes staring at you.

Without a word he grabs you by the hand and pulls you toward the only room that you haven’t seen yet: his renovated bedroom. 

Norbert doesn’t let anyone inside before the renovations are finished, but he’s asleep somewhere else in the building…

The air in the room is stinking of chemicals indeed. The windows are ajar, letting in the glow from the exterior lights.

“Can you see the bed?” Sebastian asks, his voice merely a whisper. You're impressed by how good he is at moving without the crutches.

“It’s huge.”

“Yes… we can do a wrestling match on it.”

Wrestling, sure…

“I expanded the closet area as well… My jeans collection is growing, but I will never use up this space, so I’m happy to share it.”

“I got used to one suitcase.”

“I actually keep all my empty suitcases in that closet. But only temporarily.”

You hear footsteps in the corridor.

“Someone’s coming…” Sebastian heard them too. “We must hide!” He grabs your hand, opens the closet and jumps inside, pulling you in as well.

It’s a large one, but the suitcases limit the space. Sebastian reaches over your shoulder to close the door. Just in time, because only a couple of seconds later the door to the bedroom opens. A stream of light shines through the cracks in the closet’s door.

Sebastian’s standing behind you, the air from his mouth tickling your ear. You’re doing your best to breathe as quietly as possible.

Is someone looking for you? Or did they come here by accident? The closet is the only hiding spot in the room. It won’t take long to find you.

Sebastian wraps his arm around your waist. Such a simple movement and yet it seems to make enough noise to draw attention. And even though it seems to have gone unnoticed, your body is reacting to it in an intense way.

You were sure Sebastian decided to embrace you because he’s standing in an uncomfortable position. But no… no… He has naughty intentions and you can’t do anything about. You can’t protest. You can’t stop him. You must focus on breathing.

Oh, the shivers are flooding you like a warm cascade when Sebastian’s hand slides under the fabric of your pyjama top.

The third person in the room coughs, identifying themselves. It’s Norbert! You hear a sound of aluminium foil being unwrapped. A moment later you can sense a distinct smell of sausage. Norbert came to his restricted area to have a forbidden snack.

Sebastian’s fingers are caressing your ribs making you lightheaded. His lips are almost touching your ear and you can hear that he’s having trouble breathing quietly as well.

Norbert’s eating a sausage…

Meanwhile, Sebastian’s audaciously cupping your left boob… He must feel your hammering heart. You turn your head slightly to the side, wanting to rest it against his collar bone.

What a monster… how can he treat you like this… how can he make you feel this way…

Your arousal is increasing, as Sebastian starts gently stroking your nipple with his thumb. Quiet, you’re not allowed to gasp!

If you think this is a challenge, you’re dead wrong because the thing that happens next…

Norbert opens a can. Maybe it’s beer, maybe coke. The noise is loud and clear, but his wife’s bedroom is on the other end of the corridor.

Sebastian nuzzles your ear, as if to draw your attention away from his hand that moves unexpectedly onto your belly.

He’s not going to… oh, yes, he is…

Your mouth is so close to his face that you could just whisper "no", very quietly. He would hear you. But how can anyone say "no" to such an immense pleasure. How can anyone not want to be touched right there, where the biggest hunger dwells, the hunger that he created and that needs to be addressed.

His hand slides into your pyjama pants. His shaky breathing sounds dangerously loud in your ear… God, please, let Norbert enjoy his beer or coke in peace!

You moan just inside your head; you nearly howl with pleasure, but no noise escapes your lips.

One thing you notice is that touching fabric makes much bigger noise than touching bare skin. Sebastian’s hand slides between your legs… You lift one foot… if you could rest it on something… To your surprise, there’s a suitcase next to you, like a little step, on a perfect level…

Sebastian has a better access now. And your permission to continue.

You can’t decide if it’s luck or skill because almost immediately Sebastian manages to find a point of pressure, a very sensitive spot and the right spot to focus on. He doesn’t need much movement, it’s all noiseless and very subtle. The situation is not perfect, it would’ve been easier if he wet his finger… But he doesn’t seem discouraged. He keeps gently massaging the spot, in the most delicate manner imaginable. So delicate you can’t believe that it’s working. And it’s working in a devastating manner.

Who needs a tall, muscular guy with huge hands and a big dick if he can do this with just his fingertip!

You’re slowly melting under his touch; you’re mouth open to allow air in because breathing through the nose is not possible anymore. It’s too loud anyway.

He’s patient… or… he just has nothing else to do right now.

So, he’s repeating the same motion for long minutes, but it gets more and more intense as your body swells up and gets wet in response.

God, this is too good… Grimacing, you grab Sebastian by the wrist. The higher the tension the stronger your grip. He’s such a weasel… he knows he’s doing a splendid job, but he’s not changing the pace or angle.

Faster… he needs to go faster… you’re aching for relief!

A couple more strokes… You already see the fireworks in the distance, getting ready to become one of them and to shoot up in the air.

Please, Norbert. Don’t hear a thing…

The pleasure hits you like a Thor’s hammer.

Digging your fingernails into Sebastian’s skin, you open your mouth wider to let out a silent scream. Is it so intense because he was slow and patient at delivering it or is it because you can’t make a sound?

Your legs are buckling under you… Sebastian’s holding you with his arm wrapped around your waist…

You imagine the victorious satisfaction he’s feeling right now… He likes challenges and he’s probably already thinking of new ones.

First challenge: make her come by only using your fingertip.

Challenge completed.

Next challenge… Whatever it is, you can’t wait! And you want him to be successful in all of them.

As the blissful warmth spreads inside your body, you can smell your sweat in the air… And there’s also the scent of your skilled lover that’s making you high.

The massage continues. Seb’s a glitched robot stuck on one action. You’re so sensitive right now, that his touch is making you shudder and twitch. His other hand slides under your shirt and cups your boob.

Great… thank you… you want to die like this… You tilt your head back, resting it against his chest, smiling in darkness. Would you like to have another beer, Norbert? Don’t mind us…

Carefully, you twist your left arm, trying to reach behind your back without making any noise. There’s not much space, and as you’re groping aimlessly a sharp pain shoots through your shoulder… you cringe, trying to change position. Thankfully, the pain goes away.

Where the heck…

Suddenly you remember an observation you made a couple of years ago while admiring some photos of Sebastian celebrating after race wins. When he gets excited, sometimes you can see the bulge between his legs and it’s usually bigger on the right side.

You need a moment to remember which side is right and which is left.

Let’s try your right hand then. Oh, there it is…

His hands stop moving.

Man… you really want to slide your hand down his pants but that would require a lot of gymnastics and you already almost pulled a muscle…

You decide to just stroke him through the fabric. It’s better than nothing, right?

You start touching him, surprised by how pleasant it is for you as well. You don’t mind when he takes his hands off you. He probably can’t focus right now.

You sense some movement behind your back. He accidentally kicks something and you both freeze.

Norbert keeps making eating noises.

Sebastian slowly exhales. Your hand resumes the little massage when you suddenly hear a barely audible bristle of fabric. Short sounds mixed with long pauses of silence.

The little weasel is pulling his pants down for you… Well, well, well… Looks like someone is desperate for more.

You wait patiently, trying to steady your breathing, but it’s not an easy task.

He’s generous enough to put your hand when he wants it. When he needs it.

He’s not fully hard yet. He’s helping you… his fingers wrapped around yours…

It's a bit awkward to do it behind your back, but you have time… You have patience too…

Let’s see how good he is at staying quiet.

When you get used to the hand movement and find a more comfortable position, he stops assisting you and slides a hand down your pyjama pants again.

The door to the room opens again. You both freeze even though it hurts… it hurts so much to stop…

You hear Sebastian’s mom voice. Looks like she caught Norbert night-snacking…

A short conversation in German follows. The door closes and the voices of Sebastian’s parents slowly fade away.

With a feverish desperation, you get back to what you’ve been doing. It’s not a silent movie anymore. Your breathing is loud and fast.

“No… stop… go back to bed. She’s looking for you…”

“I don’t want to stop…” You turn around, your elbow hitting a shelf. It’s dark, you can’t see anything.

“They’re downstairs, they won’t see you. Go… I beg you,” he insists, reaching over your shoulder to push the door open.

You lift yourself onto the tips of your toes to kiss him on the lips. “I love you,” you whisper before sneaking out from the closet.

The air in the bedroom is cold… or you probably heated the closet up with your massage…

You slowly approach the door; you open it just a little to look through the crack. You can hear Sebastian’s mom loud whisper coming from downstairs.

On the tips of your toes you scurry to the bedroom and jump into your bed.

Your body hungry for Sebastian’s touch, you try to imagine what he is doing right now. Will he take some time to cool off or will he choose a more active approach? Maybe you should relieve yourself too?

You’re almost ready to do it when Sebastian’s mom suddenly returns.

Well. Looks like you will have to try and get some sleep.

If only you didn’t feel an urge to pee again…


	11. Laundry day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally alone. Time to get naughty. But first let's do laundry. :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for all the kind messages. I will remember to reply straight away. I always enjoy them and appreciate them a lot! So keep them coming, even the short ones are hugely important to keep me motivated.

Sebastian is the last person to join the breakfast. Your heartbeat accelerates when he shows up; you can’t wait to make eye contact. Is he too thinking about what happened last night in the closet? Does he remember your love confession?

He approaches every lady at the table to kiss them on the cheek, starting with his mom, moving to his sister and ending with you.

When he finally looks at you, he winks. You don’t know why, but you’re starting to blush. The fact that the rest of Sebastian’s family is staring at you, is not helping.

“I couldn’t sleep,” Sebastian confesses.

“Is that what you overslept?” you counter.

“I only fell asleep around four in the morning.”

His mom scoops him a solid portion of scrambled eggs, starting a conversation in German. At first it sounds calm, but when other family members join, it starts to sound like an argument.

“Mom wants to do laundry,” Melanie translates in a quiet voice. “Sebastian’s trying to persuade her that he knows how to use a washing machine.”

“I know how to use it too,” you say.

Looks like Sebastian’s mom is looking for an excuse to keep an eye on his son for one more day.

Norbert has not said a word yet. He’s probably trying to keep his head down, after he got caught night-snacking. But Fabian joined the conversation and you hope he’ll manage to help Sebastian win the argument.

“We’ll clean after breakfast and then we’ll start packing,” Melanie says.

You’re not sure who exactly she has in mind.

Finally, it gets clear that Heike got convinced that Seb will handle the laundry himself, with your help of course. But in return you’re not allowed to lift a finger as Melanie and Heike wash the dishes after breakfast.

When the packing and moving luggage begins, you do your best to stay out of the way. Fabian is carrying bags to the car; Sebastian’s fitting them in the trunks. The dog will return to Heppenheim together with Fabian and Sebastian’s parents. Soon this huge house will be very empty, but you’re sure you and Sebastian will fill it with love… fill it up to the roof…

“You excited?” Sebastian gives you a nudge to the side, bumping into you in the corridor.

“About what?”

“The laundry, of course.” Seeing your face, he bursts out laughing.

* * *

The farewell ceremony is already taking a half an hour. Almost as if Sebastian’s family was leaving for a long journey to some distant place.

Sebastian’s mom seems emotional when saying goodbye to her son. Is she still worried that you’ll eat him alive? Does she worry that her precious boy won’t be the same when she meets him again?

Well, you're overthinking. She simply loves him. Maybe even more after nearly losing him in the earthquake accident.

You already hugged all Seb’s family members and you are standing by the door. Sebastian is waving to his sister as she’s pulling away. His dad is still waiting by his car, hands on hips, in a pose that Sebastian often takes as well.

Finally, Sebastian approaches Norbert. They have a short conversation before hugging each other. Norbert sits behind the wheel while Sebastian joins you. The closer he is, the faster your heart is beating. You’re wondering how you’re going to survive the next days.

Norbert pulls away, sounding a car horn. Sebastian’s standing by your side on the porch, waving his hand, until the gate to his property starts closing and the car disappears.

“My leg hurts like fuck,” he confesses turning to the door.

“Is there anything I can do?” you ask, entering the house.

After following you inside, Sebastian locks the door. “Could you get me some painkillers from the bathroom?” he says, hobbling to a chair.

“I’m on it.”

After you return, you find him in a chair, brooding.

“Already missing them?” you ask.

He smiles, rubbing his calf.

You give him two pills and a glass of water. “Was your leg the reason why you couldn’t sleep?”

“It’s already way better than a couple weeks ago.”

“Maybe your nightly activities are to blame.”

“You mean hiding in the closet?”

“Hiding, yes.”

Sebastian empties the glass. “It was worth it.”

“Go lie down. I’ll take care of the laundry,” you suggest.

“I have a better idea. You go and collect all the used bedding and towels from the guest rooms. Meanwhile I sort them in the laundry room.”

“Okay.”

The laundry room is in the basement. You go to a first room and you collect all the used towels and bed linen you can spot. You bring the first batch to Sebastian who’s tidying up the space around the washing machine.

“Everything all right?”

“Yes. It’s been my mom’s bastion since the accident… I just wanted to check how she organized the area.”

Sebastian’s a tidy man. He likes well organized spaces. Functional and uncluttered. With that, everything works best.

When you return to the laundry room with the last items you could find, you see that Sebastian separated the sheets, the towels and the bed linen. He even separated the light and pastel items from the dark ones.

The washing machine is already working. You will reload it with a new batch of dirty laundry once the wash cycle completes.

“Are you still in pain?” you ask, as Sebastian starts sorting your final delivery.

“No. But I’m hungry.”

“The fridge is full of leftovers.”

“I know. Let’s go and pick something good.” He reaches out to grab your hand. An electrical sparkle jumps from his hand to yours or maybe the other way around.

“You just electrocuted me!” Sebastian laughs moving his hand away.

“It was you!”

“Now I’m scared to touch you.”

You shrug your shoulders, leading the way. When you are climbing the stairs, you turn abruptly. “I knew you would be staring at my butt!”

“It’s right in front of my eyes.”

“Don’t blame me when you trip and fall on your face.” You head to the kitchen, feeling tingles all over your body. Maybe it will be better to focus on food for now and ignore the tension growing between you two? At the end of the day, it all depends on Sebastian. If he’ll go straight to the fridge…

“Okay, I changed my mind, I don’t want to eat now.”

He’s right behind you and his voice is telling you what he wants.

You turn to him, ready for more warm shivers.

He walks up, puts his hands in your waist and… he kisses your forehead in a very innocent manner. “I’m so happy that you’re here.”

You sneakily take a deep breath in, enjoying his scent. You embrace him as well, clinging to his chest.

Sebastian's hug is tight, maybe a bit too strong because you have trouble breathing. He lets go after a short while, his hands still caressing your back. You never knew your back was so sensitive… You feel like closing your eyes and just smile…

“I heard what you said last night,” Sebastian leans away to make eye contact. “Sorry it took me so long, but… I love you too, my little cupcake.” He grabs your face with both hands and gives you a juicy kiss. More funny than hot. But when he looks into your eyes again, you can see how desire changes his gaze and you know that the next kiss won’t be funny.

The next kiss… God. You're impressed that you’re still standing… You’re so turned on; you can’t think straight. Your field of vision blurs. Your skin gets hot… Sebastian’s mouth tastes so good, his lips are hungry and stunning.

“Oh boy, this is going to be hard…” he sighs.

Your lips are tingling; you need more. “What will be hard?”

“Focusing on other things.”

“So… let’s… ignore other things. At least until the first batch of laundry is ready.”

He’s staring at you. At your lips.

“We can do whatever we want,” you add. “Nobody will disturb us.”

“So… what do you want to do?”

“Will your leg hurt if I sit in your lap?”

“Let’s find out.”

He sits on a chair nearby, you settle in his lap, grasping his chin and giving him a delicate, inviting kiss. He’s quickly warming up to your idea.

His hand moves from your side, to your hip to your thigh.

Sebastian likes keeping his eyes closed when you are kissing. He only opens them when you lean away.

“Ignore the… erection, please…” he says before licking his lips.

“I will… since there’s not much I can do about it right now,” you say, not entirely sure what you mean because there’s plenty to do about it, you just don’t want to change your position.

“That’s true,” he agrees, so it’s fine.

He starts kissing you again. His hand is moving closer and closer to your boob. You want him to squeeze it, but you’re not sure if he’s waiting for your consent or just teasing you.

There’s an easy way to take care of this uncertainty. You simply grab his wrist and put his hand where you want it.

“Oh… thank you…” he sounds amused. He seems quite happy with cupping your bra even though, even for you, it’s not the biggest rush in the world. After what happened in the closet.

“We should check if the laundry is ready,” he says at some point.

You blink confusedly. What? You’ve been making out for an hour?! That would explain why your lips hurt…

Sebastian’s right, time to stretch a little. He grimaces a bit when standing up.

“Can you walk?”

“Yes.”

When you reach the laundry room, turns out that the spin cycle has only started.

“We still have fifteen minutes.” Sebastian puts a hand on the lightly vibrating washing machine. “That’s a nice buzz. You want to… sit on it?”

“Will you kiss me if I do?”

“Anything you want.”

Sebastian makes room at the top of the washing machine, watching you as you hop up and… you make a funny face.

The vibration is subtle, but with some additional stimulation, it could do miracles.

“Come over here.”

Sebastian shakes his head. “I want to watch you.”

You roll your eyes. “Nothing will happen, silly pumpkin. It’s… nice, but kissing you feels nicer.”

“I hope so.”

“Come on.” You reach out.

He finally walks up to the washing machine, pressing his crotch to the front. “Oh, that’s nice indeed.”

Turns out the vibration combined with your sexually charged chemistry is quite powerful. And as the wash cycle runs to an end, you’re shaking a little and you’re out of breath.

You don’t need much more to release the tension that has been growing between your legs for over an hour… But… the washing machine is not vibrating any more and Sebastian’s standing too far away.

“That was… too short,” he complains.

“Can’t you repeat the spin cycle only?”

“The sheets will be wrinkled.”

“I’ll iron them.”

“Okay.”

It will be worth it, and he knows it. He presses a couple of buttons and the vibration begins again.

“Could you… shift forward?”

Without saying a word, you shift your hips to the edge of the washing machine. You won’t slide off because Sebastian’s hips are in the way. Actually, you are sliding off the edge… just a little, straight on his crotch and he keeps pushing you back up…

It would be more comfortable to rest your feet against something, but there’s nothing behind Sebastian. You need to rely on his strong hands as they keep clenching on your thigh, sometimes they slide under your knee and pull your leg up, pressing your bodies closer together.

“This is good…” you whisper.

You’re both fidgeting a bit… Seeking better angles, more traction… Things are looking good before suddenly the spin cycle ends again…

Sebastian lets an annoyed grunt out. While you just giggle.

“This is not funny… I’m… dying here.”

“Sit down for a couple of minutes,” you suggest. “While I reload the laundry machine.”

“And then what?” he asks, sitting down on a small stool.

“And then I’ll turn it on.” You manage to make him smile. “It’s not wrinkled at all, look!” You show him the clean laundry, mostly bed sheets. “Should I use the dryer?”

“Sure, unless you feel like hanging it all to dry outside,” he grins.

“The weather’s not right.”

“Oh, come on. I love saving energy and stuff like that, but you’re not here to do house chores.”

“Someone has to do them, Sebastian.”

“Just use the dryer, muffin.” He gets up to help. And while he’s taking care of the clean laundry, you load another batch of used bedding into the washing machine.

“I have an old washing machine in my garage. I’m using it for greasy clothes and rags. You should feel how it vibrates. This one doesn’t compare,” Sebastian says, watching you turn the washing machine on.

“Maybe you’ll find some greasy stuff to clean tomorrow and we’ll check it out?” you suggest, turning to him. Now what? Should you just hop on top again? Just like that?

“Or maybe we’ll have something better to do,” he says, taking a step closer and putting his hands in your waist to lift you up.

“You must be starving by now,” you say, feeling the warm surface under your butt again. You immediately shift forward, shivers running down your spine when you feel Sebastian’s crotch rub against yours.

“Yes, I'm hungry, but I think we should do the laundry first,” he says, wrapping an arm around your waist and pulling you closer to his hot, hard body.

You both sigh with pleasure, seeking each other’s lips. Rubbing your bodies together, you start kissing, the washing machine adds a bit of hot, buzzing spice to the activity.

When you get more comfortable, you cross your ankles on Sebastian’s butt, using your calves to increase the friction.

Half an hour later your lips are swollen and tingling. But that’s okay, you’re not focused on kissing anymore. Sebastian’s shaky breathing is loud in your ear, you’re both working your hips fast and hard, squirming like crazy. Desperately latching onto each other to reach the ultimate bliss.

The final thirty seconds are a shaky madness… You bury your face in Sebastian’s neck, hearing his throaty moans. The washing machine is shaking to your energetic movements. You don’t need the spin cycle anymore. The hot friction is enough to light you up like a firework.

Letting out a moan of sweet surrender, you clench your eyelids. This is good. This is better than good.

“Fuck…” Sebastian groans, and it sounds like the hottest thing ever said.

This ocean of pleasure has his scent and you’re drowning in it. The air seems hot, you’re both sweaty like you just went for a jog in a hot summer day.

It takes you a while to get back to reality. Sebastian is looking at you, staring as if he’s seen you for the first time. Do you look different after an orgasm? Does he look different?

He looks amazing all the time!

“That was nice…” you say, annoyed with yourself because it’s a huge understatement.

“Really?” How can his voice be so hot?

You grimace, feeling his hand between your legs.

“I bet it still is nice…” he whispers, watching you twitch as he gently rubs the spot that’s still throbbing with bliss. You’re pretty sure he can feel the heat coming off your body there.

“I want to kiss you, but gently… My lips are still on fire…” he says.

“I’ll be gentle,” you promise.

Kissing when you are satisfied is different. It’s more subtle. Tender. Slow.

“I love you,” Sebastian cups your face with both hands.

You miss his hand down there, but that’s fine. It will be back, if not during this laundry, then later today for sure.

“I love you too,” you whisper, staring into his beautiful eyes.

You can’t believe your own luck. Not that long ago you just wanted to meet him. And now you know his intimate scent, you know how hot his body gets when he’s aroused, you know how he sighs, you know the shape of the red stains on his cheeks when he’s sexually satiated.

You spend the rest of the washing cycle whispering sweet nothings into each other’s ear, smiling, joking and exchanging delicate kisses.

You still need one more cycle to wash the rest of the bedding. Sebastian puts it into the washing machine before straightening up and scratching his head. “I should probably use the opportunity and wash my pants.”

To your surprise, he takes his grey sweatpants and his underwear off, showing you his firm butt. He takes his time to wipe his crotch with his underwear… While you keep staring at his butt and his strong thighs.

You expect him to cover himself before he turns, but… nope. You quickly look away. Too late.

He’s reaching for a towel. Not in a hurry. Almost as if he wasn’t aware that you can see his junk.

Meanwhile you are pretending that you didn’t see anything. Fighting an urge to peek again… And losing…

You never thought you would use that word to describe a penis, but… Seb’s just pretty. It’s a pretty penis. Everything about it is aesthetically pleasing and proportional.

You can feel your face getting red.

“I’m sorry. I see you’re not used to seeing naked men,” he finally wraps a towel around his waist.

You want to brush it off like nothing happened, but you find it hard to look him in the eye. “You’re right. I’m not.”

He takes your hand and pulls you closer before giving you a kiss on the head. “That was rude, I apologize.”

“No, no…” You lean away to look him in the eye. “It’s okay. I don’t mind…” you confess, blushing even more. “I just wanted to let you know, in case I get all flustered again, it’s only because… I’m a virgin.”

There’s softness in his gaze and a warm smile on his lips. “Good to know.” After he kisses you on the lips, his smile becomes cheekier. “Are you saving yourself for marriage?”

“No!” Okay, chill. He’s just teasing you. “I’m saving myself for the man I love.”

Sebastian’s smile grows wider. “Would that be me?”

“Yes, you.”

He looks deeply into your eyes. “I have no more questions,” he says after a moment, the sound of his voice giving you warm chills.


	12. Closer than ever

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian is preparing a surprise for you special evening/night.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you're all doing well. Tough time for all of us. On one hand I have more time to write, but on the other, it's difficult not to worry about the world. I wish everyone a lot of strength. Let's hope we'll see Seb soon and that everything will go back to normal as quickly as possible.

You just ate, the laundry is done, Sebastian had a short training and a massage. There’s nothing left to do than to enjoy each other.

“Just tell me when you’re ready and we’ll plan everything out,” he says after getting back from the gym.

“Ready for what?”

“You know what.”

“Okay, I’m ready.”

“Now?”

“Why not?”

He’s squinting at you, suspicious. “You’re teasing me.”

“I just wanted to say that we don’t have to make big plans. A comfortable bed and you is all I need.”

“Have you already moved your clothes to our bedroom?”

Our bedroom. You like the sound of it.

“Not yet.”

He nods. “So… you really have no requirements?”

“None.”

“I’d like to prepare a surprise for you.”

“That’s nice.” You have little requirements, but Seb wants the evening and the night to be perfect in every possible way. “Is there anything you want me to do?” you ask.

“Yes. I need you to stay away from our bedroom and the corridor.”

“How long?”

“Until I’m ready.”

“What if I have to pee?”

“Text me and I’ll escort you with your eyes closed.” He bites his lip, frowning. “Am I being too demanding?”

You step closer, grasping his hands. “No, I’ll do whatever you say. I’m already excited about that surprise.”

Smiling, he smooches your forehead. “I just need a couple of hours.”

* * *

You already planned the outfit for the occasion in every detail when you were packing at home. Now you only need to make sure the dress is not wrinkled. Conveniently enough, there’s an iron in the room that Sebastian’s mum was using before she left.

One of the closets has a mirror on the door. You approach it to check your hair. Sebastian took a shower in the gym; you could use one too.

“I’d like to take a shower,” you text him.

He doesn’t text back, but he shows up in person a minute later. “I was actually preparing something for you in the bathroom,” he says. “You don’t need to close your eyes yet, but I’ll escort you anyway. Just make sure you have everything you need with you.”

“I have it all here,” you show him a bathrobe and a wash bag.

“And your phone?”

You turn to pick it up. “Got it.”

Sebastian extends a hand. It feels funny that he’s leading you as if you didn’t know where the bathroom is.

You throw a glance at the bedroom door, wondering what’s going on inside.

“Could you close you eyes for a second?” Sebastian asks, stopping by the bathroom door.

You close your eyes, feeling excited and curious. You can hear the door open.

“Come on,” he pulls you inside the bathroom. The air is warmer than the air in the corridor. The scent is intriguing; it’s flowery and citrusy at the same time.

“You can open your eyes now.” He’s standing close behind you.

The first thing you see is the candles on the windowsill and on the shelves.

“Have a bubble bath while I keep working in the bedroom,” he says. “I hope the water’s not too hot.”

“This is so nice!” you admit, turning to him. “Thank you.” You shift to your toes to reach his cheek.

“Only nice things for my sweet muffin,” he says, giving you a peck on the lips. “Message me when you’re ready to leave.”

As he’s heading out, you grab his hand. “I hope… we’ll take a bath together soon.”

He looks at you with a sparkle in his eyes. “Tomorrow morning?”

“Sounds great.” Another thing to look forward to.

He leans for another kiss, this one’s more lingering.

“How’s young leg?” you ask.

He looks down as if he’s forgotten there was something wrong. “Good.”

“Try not to overwork it, okay? You’ll need it later.”

“My leg?” He bursts out laughing. “I was thinking about using a different body part.”

“I didn’t mean…” You start blushing. “I was talking in general. Because you will need your entire body and… Ah, never mind.”

* * *

Once he leaves, you hesitate before locking the door. On one hand you wouldn’t mind if he decided to join you today, on the other hand, you want to relax and not worry about looking good in case he suddenly entered.

The water’s perfect. You expect to get hot while soaking in it, so before you enter the bathtub you open a window. Just a little. You can smell the rain in the cool air that comes inside. A very nice combination.

What a perfect start of the evening!

After undressing, you lie down in the bathtub with a beatific smile. You’ll be fresh and clean, smelling like flowers, ready for whatever Sebastian is preparing in the bedroom.

What is he doing there? There were no curtains on the windows. You hope he took care of that. Does the air still smell of chemicals? Will he prepare a dinner? You really hope his leg won’t hurt later in the evening, but if it does, you’ll make sure to distract him. At least you’ll try…

You take a deep breath in, goose bumps appearing on your forearms as the cool wind touches your skin.

You hear an engine. Is Sebastian driving somewhere? No, he’s walking down the stairs.

A minute later you can hear him talking to someone inside the house. He’s speaking German.

Your skin is wrinkling from the water. Time to wash your hair.

By the time you get out of the bathtub, the house is quiet again.

* * *

Sebastian knocks on the door.

You open it. “I’m ready to go back to the room,” you say, fixing the bathrobe. Your hair is dry thanks to the blow dryer you found in one of the cabinets.

“No need to close your eyes. You can move around the house now, just don’t go to the bedroom, okay?”

“All right.”

“Can we meet at seven?”

You check your phone, it’s half past six. “Yes.”

“I’ll find you.”

He’s standing by the bathroom, watching you walk down the corridor. You have half an hour to put some clothes on and to do something with your hair.

You’ve chosen a set of white laced underwear for the occasion. Your outfit is simple, delicate and feminine: a short, silky summer dress, a pair of ballerinas and pearl earrings.

You’re starting to get nervous. You know that you’re in capable hands, but you also know your bad luck.

_Don’t overthink or you’ll ruin it_, you tell yourself. _Just love him and let him do the same._

Love him. That doesn’t sound difficult.

* * *

Your hands are cold when you open the door to face the man on the other side. Your man. Your Sebastian.

He’s wearing suit trousers and a white shirt. No suit jacket, no tie. Just a white shirt, two buttons on top undone. He has black, shiny shoes on. And a charming smile on his face. “Ready for the night of your life?” he wiggles his eyebrows.

“Only if you stop making that face.”

You’re not sure if he’s doing it on purpose, but you’re glad he’s in a mood for jokes. His confidence and his sense of humour help you get over your insecurities.

“You look delicious. I mean, amazing! You look amazing,” he winks at you before taking you by the hand.

He’s not pulling you, but his pace is energetic as he takes you to the bedroom.

Maybe you’re just hanging back? Or maybe you want the world around you to slow down? Is the best night of your life starting right now? Probably not. With Sebastian each next night will promise marvels.

The sky outside is darker than usual because of the heavy rain clouds. As you’re approaching the bedroom, you notice a warm glow coming through the door. It’s not coming from the lamps.

“Ladies first.” Sebastian moves aside.

You enter the bedroom, the sight of what he prepared making you gasp. There are six large vases filled with roses standing around the bed. The windowsills and the shelves are covered with tealights that are the main source of the light in the room. The windows are covered with curtains just as you hoped; nobody will spy on you for sure.

The bed is decorated with led string lights in warm, yellow colour. The colour of the bedding seems pastel pink, same as the roses, but you can’t be sure in the scarce light.

The roses look delicate, their scent is wafting thorough the air, not too intense. There’s a handful of petals on the bedding, inviting to touch them.

That’s not all. Between the bed and the big closet there’s a small table for two. On the table there’s an ice bucket with a bottle of champagne inside.

You can feel Sebastian’s nervous stare on your face.

“I… don’t know what to say…”

“Too cheesy?”

“What? No!” You turn to him. “I love it! I’m… I can’t describe what I’m feeling right now, it’s…” You feel a lump in your throat.

“Okay, I see what’s going on here.” Sebastian places a hand at the back of your neck. “While I’ll go to the kitchen to get our dessert, you make yourself comfortable. It’ll only be a second.” His fingertips glide over your skin, making you shiver.

He leaves, giving you a moment to collect yourself. First, you approach the bed. After picking up a rose petal, you press it to your nose. When you finally sit down behind the table, just as he recommended, you look around.

The bedroom is cosy, but the open door is getting on your nerves. You want Sebastian to be back right now and to close it behind. And then your entire universe will be here, inside this bedroom. The universe that’s filled with the scent of roses and illuminated with tea lights. Soon you’ll taste the champagne and something sweet, but that’s just a setting. You came here for something else. For the scent of your lover’s skin… For the warmth of his arms… the sweetness of his lips…

He’s back. He’s holding a tray. “I hope the room’s not too dark.”

“It’s perfect.”

“I didn’t bake this,” he adds, putting the tray on the table. “Have you ever had a strawberry champagne cake?”

“No. It looks glamorous.”

Sebastian smiles, serving you a large piece. “Like a wedding cake.” After he puts a piece on his plate, he reaches for the champagne.

“Let’s start with a toast,” he suggests. “I won’t get you drunk, don’t worry.”

“I already feel a bit drunk.”

Sebastian fills two champagne flutes and hands you one. He stands up before lifting his flute. “To my lovely marshmallow and this wonderful night. I hope it will be as sweet and magical as you…”

You look down, blushing. “Thank you.” You taste the champagne. It’s sweet, but also very refreshing. You can’t wait to taste the cake. Looks like Sebastian is thinking the same thing.

A few seconds later you are both moaning with your mouths full of strawberry delight.

“So good… mmhm…” Sebastian’s shaking his head. “As good as I remembered.”

“Yeah…” You lick the frosting off your lips. “Almost too good.”

You like watching Sebastian eat. Especially when it comes to the food that he couldn’t eat when he was racing. He’s still watching his weight, but since he lost so much of it when he was depressed, a piece of cake or two won’t hurt him. He’ll burn the calories anyway.

“Damn it…” he growls, but his eyes are smiling.

“What?”

“I just had an idea, but it’s too late… I should’ve eaten it from your naked body.”

You shake your head, knowing he’s just joking. “My skin would get sticky.”

“It will get sticky anyway.”

“Not like that.”

“I know how to clean up a plate, look.” After swallowing down the last piece of cake, he grabs the plate and sticks his tongue out.

“Nooo… stop…” you chuckle.

He stops, laughing as well. “There’s more if you want.”

“No, I’m almost full.” You take another sip of champagne, feeling more relaxed.

“Excuse me for a second.” He stands up before approaching the bed. He grabs something from the nightstand; looks like his phone.

You’re surprised to see a phone at all, but it turns out he just uses it to turn the music on. The song sounds like something your parents would listen to; it’s probably from the 80’s.

“Can I have a dance?”

“You can. Not just a dance…”

He smiles. “Let’s start with a dance.”

You can’t recall when was the last time you shared a dance with someone. It’s your first time with Sebastian, but you’re sure he’s a great dancer. Otherwise he wouldn’t include dancing in his plan for this night.

At first, you’re dancing stiffly like children, keeping a safe distance. But with each verse of the song you get closer. Finally, Sebastian’s arms close around you tightly, so tightly your breasts hurt.

_When I kiss your lips_, the vocalist sings, and Sebastian joins him in a shy voice. “Ooh, I start to shiver, can't control the quivering inside.”

You smile, feeling glad that he’s comfortable enough to sing.

“You want to start to shiver now?” you ask, leaning away to look up.

“If you’re up for it.”

“I am.”

He kisses you gently and you shiver too. You look him in the eye, smiling with endless joy, and then he leans down again and kisses you with more tenderness.

Soon he embraces you and keeps singing. “When I'm in your arms, nothing seems to matter, my whole world could shatter, I don't care…” There’s a quiver in his voice.

The memory of the earthquake flashes through your mind, the paralyzing fear of losing him… What if he’ll want to go back to racing? Formula 1 is one of the safest motorsports, but your bad luck… your fucking back luck keeps infecting him since you showed up in the paddock.

The song ends, but Sebastian still holds you in his arms. “I love you, cupcake…”

“I love you too. Can we dance a little more?”

“Yes, but… I really want to kiss you.”

“That’s a funny coincidence, because I want to kiss you too.”

You love kissing when you’re both laughing and smiling. But your favourite moment is that instance when you suddenly get serious, because the kissing gets so intense.

Sebastian’s plump bottom lip brushes against yours. Your bodies are pressed together; you can feel the heat coming of Sebastian’s skin. His heart must be beating as fast as yours, pumping lust and love through your veins.

The music’s still playing, but you can’t hear it. The wet sound of your kisses and your shaking breathing are the only sounds your ears can pick up.

Sebastian breaks the kiss; his lips brush your forehead. “You want to have more champagne?”

“No… I…” You can’t speak again.

He looks at you. You hold on to his gaze, knowing that this time it’s important. “Can we go to bed?”

He does a barely visible nod with his head, before reaching for his champagne flute to drink the rest of it.

* * *

In moments like these, thoughts don’t matter. There are only stimuli and reactions. There are new things that create nervousness, but the promise of a pleasant reward adds courage. There are familiar things that you yearn for, and that hunger drives the action.

You know your goal, but you don’t know the perfect path to it. Thinking about the sequence of events that are necessary to reach that goal makes you anxious. One thing at a time, you tell yourself. And if it feels all right, we’ll move forward. Or we’ll wait. If you get stuck, all you have to do is to trust Sebastian and give him the initiative.

You know what to do, for now. You sit down on the edge of the bed, waiting for Sebastian to sit next to you. Once he’s there, you reach out to unbutton his shirt.

There’s a hunger in his eyes, as if he had sweet cravings and you were an actual cupcake. By the way he’s studying your light dress, you imagine he’s trying to come up with an easy way to take it off.

Your gaze moves along with your hands, as you keep reaching to lower buttons. Sebastian’s hairy chest is a familiar sight. His belly too. One more button... and the shirt is on the floor.

Sebastian’s leather belt draws your attention. When you recall what you saw in the laundry room when he decided to wash all the clothes that he had on, your cheeks start to smart.

As expected, he wants to take your dress off. You kneel on the bed, lifting you arms to help him deal with this task. The fabric of the dress covers your eyes for a moment… Meanwhile, he can stare at your hips, your lace underwear, your belly, your semi-transparent bra.

When you finally free yourself from the dress, you quickly look at him. He’s staring at you openly; he seems a bit emotional. You know how sensitive he is, and you imagine that he’s very happy right now, struggling to handle the happiness.

Where will he touch you first? What will he do?

He opens his arms, climbing on top of the bed after you and he simply pulls you into a kiss, his hands caressing your back and shoulders. Kissing you, he carefully pushes you on the pillows.

The kissing doesn’t stop for a second, Sebastian’s lips are getting tenderer. For a while he’s resting next to you, you only feel his weight on your upper body, but at some point, he shifts his hips and he rests them between your legs. He still has his trousers on, but the experience is still extremely enjoyable.

Rubbing against your red-hot body, slowly and leisurely, he kisses you deep. You don’t know what to focus on. His lips, his teasing tongue, or his heavy hips that invite you to work your muscles. A final rehearsal, you think spreading your legs wider before you join his movements.

That’s easy… and awesome… Why haven’t you tried this sooner?

He stops the kiss, your lips still tingling. While you’re blinking, trying to focus your gaze, you feel his lips on your neck. Smiling, you sigh with pleasure.

The weight on your hips is gone. But that’s okay. He has other plans…

His lips are shifting from your neck toward your chest.

Maybe it’s time to take the bra off?

He kisses the tiny ribbon on your bra and continues forward… or rather downward…

Your breathing becomes a bit nervous. He already teased you like this once, but this time he might not be fooling around.

He kisses the hem of your panties on the waist, and then on your thighs before glancing up. “Why are you so tense?” he asks with a smirk, sliding a tip of his finger under the lace.

“That’s not funny…”

Sebastian grins.

“If you’re so smart, let’s see how you’ll handle this.” When you sit up, his smile disappears. With a confident move, you unzip his trousers. You pull them down, hurriedly, as if you were late for something.

Sebastian’s wearing grey boxer shorts underneath. They seem tighter than his usual preference. The reason is obvious.

It’s not the view you remember seeing in the laundry room…

You push him on his back, leaning down to press your lips to his neck. You kiss him hard, sucking on the skin for a couple of seconds to give him a hickey. His only reaction is giggling.

Well, he won’t giggle in a second. At least you hope so…

Since you stopped him from playing with your underwear, you’ll never know if he was only teasing you. But now he can only guess your intentions.

The smell of his skin is arousing. You get a bit lightheaded when your lips brush his belly. From this spot south there won’t be many smooth places to kiss, but that’ all right. He’s a man after all, not a boy.

You grasp the edge of his shorts, pulling gently to expose the happy trail… You look up. He’s still grinning!

“Go on,” he says with a smirk.

What a smartass! He’s not nervous at all. But you can’t chicken out now.

The outline of his manhood is clearly visible as it presses against the fabric. You can pull the shorts a little more down, just to have more space to kiss…

When you do it, Sebastian slightly shifts his hips and suddenly… there is no outline on the fabric because everything is out in the open.

You lean away, flustered, not knowing how to react.

No, it’s definitely not the same view as in the laundry room. The size doesn’t match.

Sebastian’s not smiling anymore. Aren’t you staring too much? But should you look away? Damn it, you’re such a virgin…

He sits up, reaching for your hand. You trustfully allow him to arrange your fingers and to show you how he wants to be touched.

He’s assisting you with a couple of strokes before sinking back on the pillows and closing his eyes.

Now you can study his private anatomy as much as you want. You can stare, you can touch…

“I’ve been… dreaming about your hand almost every night…” he confesses. You love the fierce redness of his ears and lips; you can tell your man is enjoying the experience. “And it feels amazing to finally… feel it…”

“Your hand is not bad either,” you say, delighted with his compliment.

“Yeah? You want to feel it now?” He gets rid of these boxer shorts that weren’t covering anything.

When he shifts closer, sliding a hand between your legs to touch the wet fabric, your entire body tenses up. His touch is a bit overwhelming; it will be better to divert his attention for now.

You reach behind your back to undo your bra. When you take it off, Sebastian seems stunned. Even though your boobs are just boobs, not too big, not too small, there’s nothing special about them.

“Sit up,” he says, there’s a hastiness in his movements.

It’s exactly as amazing as you imagined almost every night while trying to fall asleep. And sometimes during the day.

Sebastian’s caressing your left breast with his lips, the right one with his hand… He does the switch from time to time. It feels like his goal is to keep both your nipples hard as long as possible. And he’s good at it.

You’re touching his hair, hoping that your touch is at least a half as pleasant as the thing he’s doing to you. But it’s unlikely… You would have to reach lower, take him into your hand again…

He straightens up, the second he can feel your fingers. Suddenly awake. His gaze moves to your panties.

You don’t know Sebastian’s expectations, but you really wouldn’t want to underwhelm him. It’s obvious that your body is turning him on, and there are no reasons to think that it would change, but still… Your heart is beating like a drum, your face getting red when you get rid of your underwear. You can clearly see what he’s looking at and his reaction is…

What is his reaction? His pupils grow large. And he wants to touch you. Immediately.

He pushes you on your back, initiating a kiss. His gentle lips calm you down, help you relax and erase your anxious thoughts.

“I love you,” his confession touches your heart while his loving hand is touching your wet body. You’re ready for him; he can feel it himself as his fingers study and explore.

“I love you too,” your confession is followed by a sweet moan.

“There she is,” Sebastian gives you a peck on the lips. “I was worried I wasn’t doing a good job…”

“You’re doing great,” you smile hazily, his hand making you moan again.

“If you give me a minute, I’ll put a condom on and we could try…” he trails off, seeing you nod. “I hope I still remember how to do it,” he adds before flashing a grin.

You laugh shortly, fixing your position. You just want him in your arms again… You want to feel his weight on your hips and… more. You want to know if sex really is as amazing as they say… It must be… your body is yearning for it even though you’ve never experienced it.

You recall the photographs of him celebrating race wins, when he was the most excited, but nope… that was not the full picture. The full picture is in front of your eyes now and you feel like giggling at all the jokes Sebastian made about his small hands.

He rests next to you. While you’re kissing, his hand runs up and down your body again, caressing all the curves, making sure you’re aroused and wet.

“You ready?”

“Yes…”

“Give me a hand.”

You make sure he’s in the right place before he starts pushing.

This is a stressful moment. You grimace, feeling an increasing discomfort when he’s half-way in.

Sebastian stops. “You okay?”

“It’s going away.”

“We can stop and try later.”

“No, it’s almost gone.”

“Let me know if it’s bad, okay?”

“I will.”

You’re close to panic, as the pain gets sharper when he continues pushing in, but then, suddenly, the discomfort disappears.

“It’s all good… I’m good,” you whisper, smiling, knowing that he needs these words to continue.

He smiles back before pushing deeper, a grimace of bliss appearing on his face. “Now this… is better… than I remembered…” he sighs, as he slowly starts working his hips up and down.

There are still some echoes of the pain you felt inside you, when he rubs against your body at certain angles, but it’s easy to ignore, because the pleasure is a thousand times more intense.

When you’re ready, you make a first attempt to counter his movements. “Oh my… goodness…”

He slows down, waiting for you to move again. You’ll be the lead in this dance. At least for now.

He keeps looking at your face; especially if you get quiet. Making sure he’s on the right path.

“I’m getting there…” you whisper. “Don’t worry.”

“We can go faster.”

“Not yet. Can we… kiss?”

He locks your lips together, gentle at first, but then his tongue touches yours. Your hips start to move faster, the pleasure is increasing rapidly.

Prompted by your reactions, Sebastian doubles the pace, making you moan straight into his mouth.

Enough kissing for now; you need to focus on breathing.

You dig your fingers into his back; they are sliding on his sweaty skin. He kindled this fire, and only he can quench it.

“Oh God…” you push your hips up.

Sebastian changes the angle of his trust, keeping them fast and energetic.

And even though you don’t make much noise, he can clearly see what’s going on. He can hear your sharp gasp and the grimace on your face.

“There you go…” His voice is coming from afar; your sense of hearing and your sight are not working. You let the fire of pleasure consume you; so intense and so different than all the little pleasures you experienced so far in your life. So intimate… and so perfect because Sebastian is the reason of it, he’s the source, he’s the maker.

You’re excited to give the ecstasy back to him. To share it with him. To accommodate him deep inside your body.

His throaty moan rekindles the pleasure inside you. When he stops moving; his weight seems to triple on your hips and belly. But you don’t feel burdened. You don’t feel any discomfort. Your body seems perfect to sustain his weight. His narrow hips fit perfectly in the space between your thighs.

You feel his hands sliding under your back as he pulls you into a sweaty embrace. A full embrace of bodies and hearts. You’ve never felt so close to anyone in your life.

There was no need to worry. You both were great, and you will get even better. This was only lesson one in love making. You feel like a diligent student who can’t wait to continue the studies.

It’s quiet. Sebastian shifts slowly, his movements sluggish. Licking the corner of his mouth he carefully sits up. You look at his sweaty back… At his perfect butt when he stands up.

He returns to the bed after getting rid of the condom.

“Damage report,” he says, studying your body.

“Oh, come on… I feel amazing.”

He smiles happily, but he keeps staring. “You look… like a dream coming true.”

“I’m not a dream…”

“I know. Dreams don’t smell that good…” He shifts closer to press his nose to your neck.

“Can we get under the duvet?” you ask.

“But I want to look at you body…”

“You will still see my head.”

“I’ve seen your head many times already. Now I want to admire the rest.”

His words, and the way he’s looking at your belly and your breasts, it’s almost as if he was caressing you in a physical way. He’s good at making you feel beautiful. Now you feel silly that you worried about being naked…

“What plans do we have for tomorrow?” you ask, stretching your back like you just had a nap… For his viewing pleasure.

“I’ll make you a breakfast.”

“Okay.”

“Then we’ll take a bath.”

“All right…”

“And then I’ll give you a massage that you will never forget.”

“Yeee…” You sneeze hard, making him quickly grab that duvet to cover you both.

“It’s not that… There was something in my nose… Tickling…”

He looks like he wants to say something, probably make a joke, but he just shakes his head. “Time to get some rest and give your body some time to recover.”

You’ve already slept together, but for the first time you’re both naked. It feels intimate, liberating and very comfortable.

“Sleep tight, sugar,” he says before kissing your lips.

You want to call him sweet names too, but you can’t come up with anything that would sound better than just… Sebastian.

“You too, Sebastian,” you whisper. “Thank you for… being a perfect man.”

He’s a humble guy, so he probably feels an urge to argue. But before he can say anything, you shift closer and you rest your head on his chest.

He kisses your forehead, his hand stroking your cheek. “You saved me.”

“We saved each other.”

“And now we’re here.”

You close your eyes, smiling. “And now we’re here.”


	13. Giving him what he needs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It's the next day after your first time with Sebastian. The waking up is not as perfect as you imagined.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, my patient readers. I hope you're still with me. As I already mentioned on tumblr, it will take about 3-5 more chapters to complete this story. It might be more, because I tend to get inspired while writing, when I know where I'm going with the plot. I made plans for the rest of the fic. I struggled a bit with writing it, so I think the best solution will be to focus on the main story line and get some closure.  
Thank you for all the comments that you sent me so far. Enjoy this chapter and don't hesitate to share your thoughts with me.  
Stay healthy. K.

You imagined waking up differently. You thought you would watch Sebastian sleeping or you hoped he’d wake you up with a gentle kiss. But now you’re awake and he’s next to you tossing and turning in a bad dream.

Should you wake him up? You don’t want to startle him. He’s already disturbed enough, judging by the grimace on his face and the sweat on his forehead.

“Where… Antti… Where’s are you?”

Your heart breaks when you hear the physio’s name. Sebastian’s probably reliving the memory of Antti’s death in his nightmare. You must put an end to it.

“Sebastian?” You gently touch his forearm. “Wake up.” He doesn’t react, so you shake him by the shoulder. “Sebastian?”

He finally opens his eyes, disoriented, his breathing fast.

“You had a bad dream.”

He closes his eyes for a moment, letting out a shaky sigh. “I was in a burning building, looking for Antti,” he confesses before turning to look at your face. “I don’t know what I would do if something happened to you too.” He puts his arms around you, pulling you to his chest.

“I know what you mean; I had the same fear. But we’re both okay. We should focus on that.” His chest is warm under your cheek, you can feel that his breathing calmed down already.

“I’m glad you’re here…” he adds, nuzzling your hair. “Naked.”

You relax, hearing a change of tone in his voice. Suddenly you become very aware of not wearing any clothes. “I’m happy to be a distraction.”

“It’s not just that. You’re the light at the end of my tunnel.”

Your throat tightens. You can’t come up with a better response than to kiss the hairy patch on Sebastian’s chest. His skin smells so amazing, you can’t help but kiss it again, this time choosing a spot closer to his collar bone.

When you prop yourself on your elbow to look at his face, you see him licking his lips.

“Hi…” he says, smiling. “Did you sleep well?”

“Yes, but I’m happy to be awake.” You lean forward to taste his lips.

As you lean away, Sebastian’s gaze shifts to your neck and to your naked chest. “You want to have breakfast or take a bath first?”

“Breakfast.”

“Okay.” He kisses the tip of your nose before sitting up. “Where are my pants?” Scratching his messy hair, he looks around the bed. He gets up, before bending to pick up his boxer shorts from the carpet, giving you an opportunity to see his butt and the dark patches of hair on his inner thighs. His legs are still strong even though he couldn’t train the way he usually does for the last couple of months.

“That should be enough.” He pulls the boxer shorts up and only then he turns to you. “I’m not a master chef, but is there something you’d like to eat?”

“What do you normally eat?”

“Porridge.”

“Let’s eat porridge then.”

“Are you sure?”

“I’m sure it’s healthy.”

“Unlike the cake we had yesterday.”

“Oh, the pink champagne cake! It was so delicious.”

“There’s still a couple pieces left in the fridge.”

“You know what? We should have cake for second breakfast. It’s a special day after all.”

Sebastian chuckles. “Whatever you say.”

* * *

The kitchen smells of freshly ground coffee.

“Almost ready,” Sebastian says, stirring in a small pot.

“Guess what. It’s raining again.” You sit down behind the kitchen table, fixing your bathrobe.

“Yeah, I noticed. But I’m sure we’ll find something to do indoors. You want banana and cinnamon or apple and berries?”

“Apple and berries.”

You get up to grate the apple yourself, while Sebastian opens a pack of frozen berries.

“It’s weird…” he says, throwing the berries into the hot porridge.

“What?”

“The silence. My family’s quite loud during meals.”

“Do you miss it?”

“I’m used to it. And I think I even like it. But…” he rubs his nose, “sometimes you need a break from something to see if you really miss it or not.”

“You didn’t answer.”

“No, I don’t miss my loud family. For now. They just left. I was thinking about racing…” He splits the porridge into two portions, filling up small bowls.

“That’s probably weirder than the silence.” You grab a spoon and take your chair.

“It is. I’m so used to travelling and being under constant pressure. I miss the adrenaline. I miss the competition. It wasn’t just my job; it was my passion.”

“Do you want to watch a race together?”

He glances at you, surprised, as if the idea never occurred to him. “A live race?”

“I don’t think there are any live races at the moment,” you smile. “But we could watch one of your past races.”

He puts a spoon of porridge into his mouth, staring at an invisible point between his bowl and you. Finally, he swallows. “I’m worried that it would only make me miss it more.”

“Fair point.”

He blinks a couple of times before focusing on your face. “I’m sorry. I didn’t want to make this morning about my personal problems.”

“Why are you apologizing? I care about you. I want to help.”

“You are helping, and yet I’m still complaining. It’s not right.”

“It’s okay,” you touch his hand. “I’m glad we’re talking about this. I want to know how you feel about everything.”

He chews for a moment. “And vice versa,” he adds. “You must be in a new territory as well.”

“That’s true.”

“I felt more comfortable when I was the one taking care of you.”

“You are taking care of me.”

“I’m not so sure…”

“I was nervous yesterday, but you took good care of me. And I will get nervous the next time because I’m not used to being naked and intimate… But I’m sure you’ll take care of me again. Whatever you say, I’ll do it. Whatever you want. Because I trust you… I know that you want only good things for me.” As you’re talking, you get weirdly shy and you feel a blush spreading on your cheeks.

A warm smile appears on Sebastian’s face. “Thank you… You can’t imagine how much I needed to hear this. Do you want the cake now?”

“No, let’s leave it for later.” You’re trying to act normal, but the truth is that you can’t stop thinking about that bath. Just as you said, you are nervous about it, but it doesn’t change the fact that you really, really can’t wait to get intimate with Sebastian again.

“You want candles in the bathroom?” he asks when you are washing the dishes.

“Yes. And music.” You put a strand of hair behind your ear. “Geez, you turned me into a diva… Yesterday I just wanted a bed, and now…”

“And now you are letting me pamper you because you know I’m really enjoying it.” He steps closer to you, pressing his nose to your hair as if he were sniffing it.

“That’s true.”

“Of course, it is. Give me ten minutes and the bath will be ready.”

“I can’t wait.” You turn to look him in the eye.

He smirks. “I can see that.”

* * *

He still has messy bed-hair. When you join him in the bathroom, he is flicking the light switch on and off and on again. “Should I keep in on?”

Because of the rain clouds the day is dark.

“No, the candles are enough,” you decide, noticing that he moved some flowers from the bedroom and put them next to the bathtub.

He brought an old boombox and placed it on the windowsill.

“I found an old CD with relaxing music,” he says. “I hope it still works.”

“If not, you can always sing to me.”

“I could, but that wouldn’t be very… erotic…”

“That’s your opinion.”

“Believe me.”

The first song on the CD starts with relaxing sounds of waves. You know a thing or two about waves. Waves of shivers, as Sebastian comes closer to you.

“Ladies first,” he says, reaching to the knot on your bathrobe.

“No, you go first.”

“How about we’ll go together?”

“All right.”

You untie the bathrobe, while Sebastian pulls down his boxer shorts. You take the bathrobe off, hanging it by the door.

It feels as if someone just turned the central heating up. You’re trying to act natural but being naked in Sebastian’s presence is still an intense experience.

“Come on,” he extends his hand.

He’s not looking at your body. Is it because he doesn’t want to make you uncomfortable? Does he know how much you liked the way he looked at you last night?

He enters the bathtub first. As he’s helping you in, he looks down, probably just to make sure you don't trip, but his eyes pause on something else than your legs.

It’s not a bad feeling. Not at all. Being touched by his gaze. Seeing the effect your body has on him.

“You want to sit on opposite sides or…”

“No.”

You’re both standing in the water, face to face, naked. Sebastian’s smiling at you as if you just said something amusing.

“Okay then, just be careful not to squash anything…” He makes a move to sit down.

“I wouldn’t dare.” You quickly turn, following him. You sit down with your knees pressed to your chest, too far away from Sebastian’s body to touch anything apart from his ankles.

“You okay there?” he chuckles.

“No, I’m just waiting for you to get comfortable.”

“Oh, okay. You can move closer.”

You shift your butt a little, feeling Sebastian’s calves pressing against your hips.

“Little closer.” You can hear how close he is behind you; his strong arm encircles your waist. He pulls you toward himself until you can feel his warm body pressing against you back.

“Lean back."

“Are you comfortable?”

“Very. Just… don’t be alarmed if you feel something… on your lower back.”

The shivers are killing you when you finally rest in Sebastian’s arms. He welcomes you in that haven with a kiss pressed to the side of your neck.

“I’m glad you’re so petit. Even my short arms are enough to reach everywhere I want…” he whispers.

“Do you want me to have a heart attack?”

“God no! I was going for a different reaction…”

“Give me a moment to… calm down, okay? My heart is…” You reach for his hand and you place it on your left boob. “Can you feel it?”

He doesn’t respond. The touch of his hand and the intimate silence between you make you wish this moment could last forever.

Sebastian’s feeling your heartbeat, waiting for it to go down. Waiting patiently. Motionless. But even his breathing is so arousing; it seems synchronized with the relaxing music that’s playing.

“It’s getting down, isn’t it?” he says after a while before gently squeezing your breast. “And up again…” he chuckles. “I better not move…”

“I’ll be fine.” God damn it, your voice… It’s always so weird when you are turned on; the good news is that Sebastian is probably finding it arousing.

“You mean you’re fine when I do that?” He squeezes your breast again.

“Yes…”

“Then I’ll keep doing that.”

“Yes, please…”

You’re in his loving hands. He’s taking care of you, just as you wanted. You can’t even kiss him or touch him in return… Well, you can always caress his hairy forearms and you do, wanting him to know how grateful you are for everything.

“You’re such a hottie…” he murmurs into your ear, and as the delicate boob massage continues, you feel Sebastian’s lips on your neck.

A tiny moan escapes you. No shame in that. He would surely want to get some feedback.

Your reaction encourages him to spice the massage up by leaving his left hand on your boob, while the right one, the precise hand, slides between your thighs. He teases you by touching your belly, your inner thighs and your belly again, avoiding the throbbing spot that’s aching for his attention.

“What do you think I should do next?”

“I don’t know.” Just in case, you spread your thighs as wide as you can, although the bathtub and Sebastian's legs are limiting your movement.

“You don't know? Is that why you just moved?” He touches you fleetingly and despite it being a momentary, feather-like contact, it makes your entire body shudder. “Was that good?”

“Yes…”

“You want that again?”

“Yeah…”

“How badly do you want it?”

“I…” You don’t know what he wants to hear, but you feel like begging. “I want it badly.”

“But how badly?”

“Touch me, please.”

He immediately gives you what you’re asking for, making you moan with pleasure.

“Keep touching me, please…”

“I will, my cupcake. Until you’re satisfied.”

Sebastian’s either lucky or skilled, because he seems to know things about your anatomy that you only discovered in your twenties. You don’t even feel the need to give him any tips; he found the right spot with his fingertip; he increased the pressure and the speed of the stimulation in the right moment. The sweet final was mind-blowing; he needed to hold you with his arm, pressing you to his back, because you fidgeted so much, you were creating a little bathtub storm.

“Life is good,” Sebastian whispers into your ear, as you drowsily recover from your orgasm.

You close your eyes, caressing the hand that’s still resting between your legs.

You could lay like this forever, but you feel a strong urge to return the favour.

It takes you a moment to change your position; Sebastian’s staring at you intently, chewing on his lip.

He shifts forward when you sit down facing him.

Caressing your thighs and hips he pulls you closer, his lips seeking yours.

You kiss him deeply, cupping his jaw, letting your tongues meet.

You recall the exciting moment last night, when he showed you how he wanted to be touched. You’re sure he’s thinking about it right now. So instead of touching his face, you reach under the water.

He sighs straight into your mouth. When you lean away to look him in the eye, you notice that he is blushing.

Listening to his breathing and watching his little grimaces, you work your small hand up and down his erection. At the beginning he’s still up for some crazy kissing, but after a while, he just needs to focus on breathing.

Doing it to him is so arousing, your body starts heating up as well.

When his discreet moans become frequent, you pick up the pace. You look into his eyes; he makes eye contact… Sebastian’s pupils are huge. You wouldn’t be able to express it in words, but you know what he’s thinking. You know what he wants to tell you. You can see the moment of bliss getting near…

He gasps, squeezing his eyes shut. His mouth open, he tilts his head back. What a beautiful view… you did this. It’s all you… you made him feel so good, he can’t catch a breath…

If that’s what it takes to get his mind off his worries, you volunteer to do it every day. But that won’t fix his problems. You’re not naïve about it.

You reach for a sponge to wash the stickiness of his chest. He’s slowly getting back from the ecstasy land, fanning these long eyelashes of his as he blinks, licking these fiercely red lips.

When you’re washing his shoulders, he reaches for a soap and starts washing yours, but instead of using a sponge, he’s using his hands.

“There was a song we used to sing in kindergarten that was supposed to teach us how to take care of our hygiene,” he says. “I’m trying to remember… ah, yes!” he starts singing in German, giggling and stopping to recall some forgotten lyrics.

“I don’t think you need to focus on my chest that much.”

“You’re wrong.”

“Wash my back.” You clumsily turn around. It’s only possible because you’re a small person, while Sebastian is a narrow person.

Instead of washing, he starts kissing your skin, starting at the back of your neck.

“Could you be so kind and sit up… Oh, you have to most perfect bum in the world,” he says.

“That’s nice to hear, because I rarely see it.”

“I can take a picture for you.”

“No, thanks.”

“Not just looks perfect, but it’s also… very nice to grab…”

You bite your lip, feeling Sebastian’s hand on your butt. He squeezes it, not as gently as you'd expect.

“Don’t be naughty.”

“Is that what it is?”

“You said you wanted to wash my back.”

“Ah, yes.”

He’s still more focused on your butt than your back, but that’s okay.

“Hurry up, my knees hurt.”

“All right, here.” He hands you the sponge. “Now it’s my turn.”

He turns his back at you; his butt isn’t bad either.

“What do you want to do after the bath?” he asks, as you lean forward to kiss the back of his neck.

“Are you bored?”

“No, I was just… wondering, if we could go back and… stay in bed.”

A warm shiver runs down your spine. “I won't say no to that.”

* * *

No need to put any clothes on. Sebastian dries you with a towel; you’re both silent. In your head, you’re already rolling in the sheets. You can tell that Sebastian’s thinking about the same thing, because his pretty penis is getting larger.

He looks at the bathtub. “I guess I’ll clean…”

“Later,” you interrupt him, taking him by the hand. You lead him to the bedroom; the window is slightly open, the smell of rain wafting through the air. Normally you would close it, because it’s not the warmest day, but you know that your bodies will produce a lot of heat.

There are so many things you can do with your hands… with your lips. So many spots on Sebastian’s body to caress, to kiss, to stroke.

Sometimes you’re sitting, sometimes one of you is on their back, receiving all kinds of pleasures.

The more aroused Sebastian is, the lovelier the scent of his skin. He’s patient. He’s passionate. He’s observant.

You spend a lot of time just kissing and touching. You’re ready for more, but that doesn’t mean that you must take the next step immediately. Your body keeps shivering the same way, no matter if he touches your skin for the first or the tenth time. You will never get bored of his touch.

Kissing is a bit different, because at some point your lips are just burning. But there’s an easy fix for that, you simply push Sebastian’s head down to your chest and he’ll even thank you for that.

After what feels like hours of making out naked, Sebastian’s finger finds its way inside you.

Your entire body is burning, but you’ve never felt better. You study Sebastian’s face, as he’s studying the wetness inside you.

“I think it will be even better this time,” you say.

He looks at you. “And why is that?”

“Because I’m not stressed by the unknown.”

“I hope you won’t feel any discomfort today.”

“I’m not feeling any pain when you’re touching me; not even a hint.”

He looks deeply into your eyes as if he wanted to see if you’re being honest. But he probably can’t see anything beside your large pupils.

“That’s why you’re touching me right now, isn’t it?”

“No, I just like the look on your face…” he smirks, leaning down to kiss your lips.

“Guess what I’m thinking right now.”

“You want the big finger.”

“Yes…”

Sebastian grins. “Who am I to say no to such a beautiful woman?”

He turns around to get a condom from the nightstand.

It’s day light. You can see everything clearly if you only ignore the fog of sexual arousal.

You can see all the hairs on Sebastian’s body, his strong thighs rubbing against yours as he lowers himself and slides inside you to bind your bodies together. His little nipples brushing against your large, hard nipples as he starts moving on top of you. Pushing in slowly, waiting for you to move your hips. He needs you to lead the way. He wants you to choose the pace. So, you do, spreading your legs as wide as you can and pulling your feet up to cross them on Sebastian’s lower back.

He props himself on an elbow, keeping an eye on your face as he pushes in. He wants eye contact. He wants to see your reaction. He wants to see you shiver and grimace because of his movements.

You’re surprised how quickly the pleasure grows inside you. You’re still moving slowly, and you can already feel the orgasm building up.

“Oh… you’re good today…” you grimace, digging your fingernails into Sebastian’s arms.

“And you’re hot,” he whispers, increasing the pace.

You moan instantaneously; a dozen quick trusts later you’re gasping for air, blind and deaf to everything that’s around you. Pleasure is consuming you. And you’re not alone.

You have a perfect man inside you, a man who’s on a verge of bliss because of you.

You focus on him, pushing away the lazy haze. You try to be as accommodating as possible. You caress his back, but when he gives a throaty moan, you reach to his head to gently tickle the back of his neck and touch his hair.

He’s trembling with pleasure, breathing hard as if he just finished an exhausting cardio training.

Only then you notice how much you both sweated.

“How did you know?” he asks, his voice weak.

“What do you mean?”

He props himself on an elbow with a grimace on his face. The sweet burden of his body disappears from your hips as he sits up. Clumsily, he gets rid of the used condom and rests on his back next to you. “It was even better,” he says before letting out a long, relaxed sigh. “Although…” he turns to look at you. “You were quite easy to please.”

You roll on your side, reaching out to rest a hand on Sebastian’s sweaty chest. “It’s because I’m crazy for you,” you lean down to kiss his lips. “And your body,” you add, your hand shifting to Sebastian’s belly and the intriguing treasure trail that you’ve seen on a photograph a long time ago. Now you can also see the treasure.

“What do you want to do next?” you ask, watching him grimace as your hand plays with his curly pubes.

He looks at you, smiling.

* * *

“I will let my dad know that we’re eating.”

You look at him, chewing your spaghetti, wondering how to comment.

“He sent me a message earlier that said, ‘don’t forget to eat’,” Sebastian explains.

“Oh… that’s almost prophetic.”

“We didn’t forget.”

“We just fasted for ten hours.”

Sebastian chuckles. “What can I say. It’s easy to forget when you’re having fun.”

“Yeah…” You can barely believe how much fun you had. It’s a miracle that your body is still functioning properly. “The bed’s a mess. We should probably change the sheets.”

“I’ll take care of that,” Sebastian licks a bit of tomato sauce from the corner of his lips. “Do you want to watch a movie?”

“Only if we cuddle on the couch.”

“Just cuddle?”

“Well… depending on how interesting the movie is.”

“Pick something you’d like.”

“Maybe something erotic?” you suggest with a seducing smile.

“I don’t like watching other dudes in action.”

“So, you only watch lesbian porn?”

Sebastian nearly chokes on his meal.

“Have some water.” You pass him his glass even though he could reach it himself.

“Can’t believe we’re talking… porn…” he clears his throat. “At dinner.”

“Judging by the redness on your face, the answer was yes,” you chuckle with amusement. “But you know what? I don’t like the idea of you watching other women in action.”

Sebastian puts the empty glass down. “Why? Are you jealous?”

“I guess you can call it jealousy.”

“Don’t worry. I couldn’t care less for some… actresses… or any other women. I’m…” he reaches out to grasp your hand. “I’m crazy about you. And I think I’m also addicted to you physically.”

You smile, feeling pleasant tingling on your skin. “I’m always happy to give you what you need.”

“What I need now is for you to go and find something interesting to watch on TV.”

“Okay, but let’s clean the dishes together first.”

* * *

The movie has only begun; you’ve been cuddling for ten minutes and you’re already so turned on, you can’t hear or see a thing on the screen.

Sebastian’s nibbling your ear, his hand slides under your shirt and finds the warm round object that he likes to squeeze.

“Oh… no…”

“You want me to stop?”

“I’m not sure.”

He stops, moving his hand away.

“Can you focus on the movie at all when you’re touching me?” you ask.

“What movie?” he smirks. “I’m just joking. Yes, I can. But I can see that I was distracting you. I apologize, I won't do it again.”

You’re still not sure if that’s what you wanted, but you nod, resting your head against Sebastian’s chest and focusing on the TV screen again.

You’re not sure what is going on, but you’ll try to catch up quickly.

Sebastian’s gently caressing your shoulder. You can live with that. When he presses his lips to your forehead, in a very chaste way, the kiss feels cool against your hot skin.

Your heart is starting to race again.

You want him. That’s the truth. Nothing in this room matters. Nothing in this house matters. Nothing on this planet matters. Only the man next to you and his amazing body.

“You seem tense,” he says, kissing your head again.

You swallow hard. “I want you,” you whisper, your voice so weak you can barely hear yourself.

“You want what?”

“You… now…” You lift your head to look into his eyes.

Licking his lips, he reaches for the remote control before turning the TV off.

Shaking with anticipation you pull your shirt over your head.

“Always happy to give me what I need,” he recalls your words, his pupils growing large.

* * *

“And now we can watch the damn movie,” he sighs, as your sweaty bodies stop moving. He props himself up on an elbow, lifting his hips.

“No, don’t… stay inside me… stay…”

He seems touched by your request. He leans down and he kisses you gently. “You were amazing again…” he whispers. “I enjoyed… hearing you.”

You avert your gaze, feeling slightly shy about it, but you believe him. It was inevitable. You were unable to keep quiet when it felt so good. It was out of your control.

“It’s good that we’re alone in the house.”

“I have a large property, my love. You can scream at the top of your lungs, and nobody will hear you anyway.”

“That sounded like a threat.”

“Yeah, I’m threatening to make you scream… with pleasure though. I wonder if I could do that…”

He looks you deeply in the eye; the hunger he just satisfied is awakening again.

“We would probably need to do some sexplorations to get there,” he grins. “Are you up for it?”

“What do you think?”

He licks his lips in the most sexual way ever, burning you into ashes with his lust-filled gaze. “Let’s go to bed for that. Because it might get messy…”

* * *

Sexplorations! You like the sound of that.

You’re already in bed, naked, waiting for Sebastian to get back from the kitchen with a bottle of cool water because you emptied everything you had in the bedroom.

“Are you sure we’re not going to run out of condoms?” you ask loudly, hearing his footsteps on the stairs.

Suddenly, it gets quiet, as if he stopped.

Yep, he forgot to buy more condoms.

You hear a weird moan and a hiss that don’t sound erotic at all.

“Sebastian?” You jump out of the bed and run toward the stairs. “Are you okay?”

He’s sitting on the floor, grimacing with pain. “My leg… I forgot I can’t jump two steps at once and… something snapped…”

You crouch next to him, looking at his leg, but there’s nothing visibly wrong with it apart from the obvious pain that you can see on Sebastian’s face. Not just pain, but also fear.

“Do you think we should call an ambulance?”

“I don’t know… Maybe painkillers and a warm…” his voice weak, he blinks hard. “I think I’m going to pass out…”

“Please, don’t. I don’t know what to do!” You take the bottle that’s lying on the floor next to him. “Here, drink. Sebastian?”

He closes his eyes, his body slumping.

“Sebastian? Please!” you beg, but he can’t hear you anymore.


	14. He can't use his legs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian lost consciousness. You have to figure out what to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The chapter is slightly more explicit than the previous ones. Just to give you a heads up.

Is the automatic gate opening or not? You’re not sure if you pushed the right button. Maybe you’re not close enough. Maybe you need to leave the house.

Where are your shoes? Upstairs? It’s still raining, you can’t go outside in a pair of slippers.

You put a pair of Sebastian’s sneakers on; they are a couple sizes too big, but you think you’ll manage to walk in them without tripping.

As you leave the house, hugging yourself, because you have no jacket on, you can see a car passing the gate.

So, you opened it after all. That’s a relief.

The driver knows where to park. He’s been here before.

“Guten Abend!” He notices you as he’s getting out of his car.

“I don’t speak German,” you say, your voice weak, but you feel calmer already.

The man radiates confidence. He’s in a hurry, but not panicking. He has a large bag with him. “Take me to him,” he says in English. “Is he still unconscious?”

“No, he woke up ten minutes ago. I helped him get to bed.”

“Is he awake?”

“He was when I left him.”

You feel a surge of panic when you imagine Sebastian falling into a coma while you’re just a dozen steps away.

“No, not here. He’s in the bedroom.”

“Ah, the master bedroom. The last time I was here it was in renovations.”

The man finds the right door and opens it without knocking.

To your relief, Sebastian turns his head at the sound of you two entering. The man says something loudly in German.

He flings the covers off Sebastian’s leg, making you slightly nervous because Sebastian has no clothes on. You scold yourself in your mind. The man’s a doctor. He’s here to help, not to invade your privacy.

Only then you realize that you’re still in Sebastian’s shoes. You can think clearly now; you remember that your shoes are in the bedroom that you used the first night you got here.

“Do you need anything?” you ask, as the doctor is gently examining Sebastian’s knee.

“Could you get me an icepack?”

“I… I’ll check.”

* * *

You’re useless. It’s all your fault. You should’ve taken better care of him. You should’ve told him to rest. He was supposed to use crutches, meanwhile he was running! Running because of you!

You feel like crying when you’re rummaging through the drawers where Sebastian keeps medicine. You know where ice is, but you don’t know what to use to create an iceapack…

Instead of feeling relieved that Sebastian seems to be all right and you don’t have to go to the ER, you feel crippled by guilt.

One day. You couldn’t even survive one day without an accident. It took him so much effort to get back on his feet, and now everything is ruined.

“Excuse me, miss.” The doctor knocks on the kitchen door.

“I can’t find anything…” You quickly turn away from him to hide your tears.

“Here, take this. Just fill it with ice,” he hands you a blue bag.

“Thank you.”

He puts a hand on your wrist as you’re grabbing it. “Hey, it’s all good. He’s going to be all right.”

You look the man in the eye, his face is reassuring. “I will tell you what I just told him. He needs to take things easy. Not just training, but also other activities. I know you’re both young and you have a lot of energy, but he mustn’t forget that he had a serious accident and the muscle in his leg is not yet as strong as it used to be.”

“I understand,” you nod. “He was feeling so much better. We got overconfident.” As the man steps away, you come up to the fridge to fill the bag with ice.

“People often feel like they have wings when they are in love,” the doctor smiles. “He said he didn’t feel fatigued, he only had minor pains when you arrived. And I believe him. But unfortunately, running up the stairs was not a good idea. And now he’ll have to go back to the crutches. Make sure he doesn’t overwork that leg. As little walking as possible, until the pain is gone. Actually, I take it back. No matter if he feels pain or not, he can’t use that leg for at least three days. Okay? If he needs to go to the toilet, make sure he has the crutches. He can move around the house, but only with the crutches.”

“Okay. I’ll make sure he does that.”

“I gave him strong painkillers, so he’s probably sleeping right now. Press the compress to his calf so it doesn’t swell too much. Tomorrow you can switch to hot compress. There might be a minor bruising appearing soon, it shouldn’t alarm you.”

“Okay.”

“You can have sex, but make sure his legs are… not involved.”

You can’t help but blush, but you tell yourself again that the man is a doctor. And at least you won’t have to worry that you’re doing something that you shouldn't be doing again.

“I’ll check on him the day after tomorrow. You can call me anytime.”

“Thank you, sir. I just… can I ask you a question?”

The man nods.

“Why did he pass out? Was it the pain? Was it that bad?”

“Strained muscle hurts a lot, but it’s nothing new for a sportsman. Looking back at what happened to him, he most likely had a panic attack.”

You frown. “I understand.”

“Make sure he’s comfortable. And don’t worry. It’s not as bad as you think.” The doctor’s phone rings. After reaching to his bag, he checks the screen. “Ah, it’s Norbert. Should I tell him what happened, or do you want to talk to him yourself?”

“You tell him. He’ll understand more in German.”

“All right. Go upstairs and make use of that compress before it melts.”

“Ah, right.” You realize that you’re standing with a bag filled with ice in your hand.

The doctor starts a conversation with Norbert in German. You leave him alone in the kitchen; he seems to know his way around the house.

He left the bedroom door open. You quietly approach the bed. How the hell are you supposed to press a cold compress to Sebastian’s leg without waking him up?

He solves your dilemma by opening his eyes. “Is the doc still here?”

“Yes, he’s talking to your dad in the kitchen.”

Sebastian winces. “My dad’s here?”

“Over the phone.”

“Oh…” His face relaxes. “I thought he managed to get here when I was unconscious.”

“You were only out for like twenty minutes.”

“What time is it?”

“It’s almost eight in the evening.” You sit down on the edge of the bed. “The doctor told me to press ice to your calf.” You uncover Sebastian’s leg. It looks swollen under the knee; you can’t see any bruising.

“How did you get his number?”

“I called your dad, and he called your doctor.”

He grimaces when the ice touches his skin. “Thank you for taking care of me… Again.”

“No problem. We should’ve been more careful…”

“We?” he sighs. “It’s only my fault. I wasn’t supposed to run not mention running up the stairs.”

“I think we’re both… to blame,” you insist. “It doesn’t matter. It’s just a pity because I know you hate being immobilized.”

“That’s the price I’m going to pay for being stupid.”

“Stop that,” you say, your voice demanding. “You’ll be all right. I just… wish we were able to keep it secret. Now all your family will make fun of us.”

“Yeah… They will think we had too much sex… While it had nothing to do with sex. Besides, we didn’t do anything extreme. It was the stairs…” he trails off, as the doctor shows up at the door.

“I’ll be leaving. I… accidentally heard what you were saying and…” he sends you two a warm smile. “Your dad didn’t mention the accident to anyone. He didn’t want to worry your mom. So… I think your secret if safe.”

“Thank you,” Sebastian says, fixing the duvet on his thigh.

“I’ll walk you to the door,” you offer.

After the doctor leaves, you go outside to double check if the gate is closed. As you go back to the bedroom you find Sebastian sleeping calmly in bed, the bag with ice resting on the sheet next to his leg. You pick it up and fix the cover.

You go back to the kitchen to check the fridge. It will be your job to cook for Sebastian for the next couple of days.

* * *

“What are you doing?” You lift your head, half-asleep.

“I had to pee. I used the crutches, don’t worry.” Sebastian lies down next to you, grimacing. “It hurts when I move.”

“Don’t move then.”

“Okay, next time I’ll wet the bed.”

You roll your eyes, shifting closer to him, but keeping in mind that you shouldn’t touch his leg.

“It’s almost seven,” he says, letting you kiss him, but he ends the kiss immediately.

“Do you want to go back to sleep?” you ask, frowning.

“No… I’m well rested.”

“Are you hungry?”

He licks his lips, avoiding your gaze. “No.”

“What’s wrong?”

He chews his lip for a moment before finally looking at you. “You’re making me want things that got us in trouble.”

“You want to run up the stairs?” To your delight, he bursts out laughing.

“Yeah, can’t stop thinking about it. My body is so ready for it…”

You decide to kiss him again and this time he’s not as reluctant to kiss you back.

“I talked to your doctor and he told me that we can have sex.”

“Did he?”

“I believe that he mentioned it to you as well. I just need to make sure you’re not using your legs.”

Sebastian’s eyes seem to be getting bigger; the bed’s warming up. “I don’t see how…”

“Don’t lie to me. You know exactly how; I can see it in your eyes.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“Do you want me to show you?”

“You will have to, because I’m really clueless…”

You lean to kiss him again, sliding a hand under the duvet. His body is so hot… Feels almost inflamed.

He’s hardening fast under your touch. He gets even more ready when you start kissing his neck and chest and ribs… slowly uncovering his body…

Should you do it or not? You can’t decide. You’re comfortable holding his hardness in your hand. You know how to touch him. But now your head it so close to his crotch. Your mouth is dry… Maybe not…

Do it.

He wants it, for sure.

Just do it. Taste it. Taste him. Make him moan.

“Oh… shit…” he growls as you finally decide to make him a very happy man.

The taste is intimate and slightly salty. Feels like the most delicate thing you’ve ever touched with your tongue. The intensity of the experience makes you light-headed. You sit up to take a moment.

The look on Sebastian’s face is priceless.

“I will come if you do that again.”

“So soon?”

“I know… I’m pathetic…”

“I love you anyway,” you lean down, but he sits up, putting a hand on your shoulder.

“I’m not joking. You better hand me a condom.”

As he puts the condom on, you get on your knees. “So now you suddenly know how to do it without using your legs?”

“It just occurred to me…” he grins. “And I really like the idea.”

“Okay, I’m starting to get nervous…” you admit, which is partially true, but partially you want Sebastian to play the comforting role.

“Don’t be. You already… blew me… away today.” He smirks, leaning back on the pillow. He takes you by the hand. “Come, my chocolate cookie. I’ll hold it for you,” he says, grabbing his erection with his other hand.

You’re surprised how wet you already are, even though there was almost no foreplay. On the other hand, you’re naked with Sebastian Vettel in his bed and you kissed him. And you licked his pretty penis making him look at you like you’re a god.

You shift to get on top of him, grasping his erection as well, before lowering your hips.

A weird sound escapes you when you feel Sebastian’s hardness sliding inside you. It feels different in this position, it’s fully under your control. Maybe not as deep as some other times, but you can pick a perfect angle… you try this new experience by slowly moving your hips forward, up, and down.

“That’s awesome…” he compliments you, watching you explore your possibilities.

Now you’re grateful to him that he stopped you from making him come, because you’re having a lot of fun.

Sebastian is caressing your hips and thighs, his eyes moving from your joined bodies to your belly muscles. He licks his lips when looking at your breasts.

“Stay down…” you push him after he tries to sit up; you’d love to feel his tongue on your nipples, but the only way to be sure that he’s not using his legs, is to make him lie flat on the bed.

“Let me take care of it… It might take a while, but we’ll get there.”

“I hope it takes forever.”

“You don’t mean that.”

He grins, his eyes move from your face to your belly again. “I actually can’t wait to see you… jump a little…”

“I will jump… just wait.”

“I think I can help…” He licks his thumb before reaching between your legs.

You slow down, giving yourself a moment to enjoy his precise and amazingly effective massage.

Yesterday morning you said that you were still nervous. Today you’re not. You’re not shy. You’re not embarrassed to go for it. To work hard for it. To chase it.

It takes time, but Sebastian’s enjoying every second of it. Especially when you’re already close, moving fast and panting, a little desperate, a little impatient.

He licks his thumb again, and again, and again, making your body slick and easy to stimulate.

“Come on… you can do it…” he motivates you every time you slow down because you lose the sparkle of pleasure.

You try again. Determined. Unyielding. Even if you can’t reach the goal yet, it’s still a pleasant experience. A good training with a sexy twist.

“Will you come if I keep going like this?” you ask.

“I just need you to come first.”

“Okay.” You pick up the pace again.

“Oh… yeah… that’s…” he grimaces, watching you working your hips really, really hard.

Finally, you feel an orgasm building rapidly inside you. You keep the crazy pace, even though you’re already sweating and out of breath.

The eruption of pleasure is immense. Proportionate to the energy you put into getting it.

You let out a loud moan of relief.

“Don’t stop… I need you…” he begs, motivating you to keep up the pace up even though your hips are slightly unresponsive.

“Yes… just a little… that’s good… oh god…” His fingers dig into your hips.

There’s a strong grimace on his face, but you would never mistake it for a grimace of pain. It’s just too beautiful. Too satisfying.

A couple minutes later you’re cuddling on the bed.

“So… did you miss using your legs?” you ask, playing with Sebastian’s chest hair.

“No. I missed something else…” You feel his thumb on your nipple. It makes you shiver.

* * *

“Your dad is really awesome,” you say during late breakfast. “For not saying anyone about what happened.”

“He’s the best,” Sebastian admits. “It’s not the first time. When I was little, in my go-karting years, I had a little shunt during a race, and I peed my pants. I’m not sure if I got scared or… pissed,” he chuckles. “But it was embarrassing. He managed to get me back to our tent without anyone noticing. He cleaned up the go kart and washed my overalls. My mum never heard about it. Unless he told her in secret, and she kept it to herself. That’s possible too.”

“If I were your mum, I would probably feel very bad that my child was under so much stress that he peed himself.”

“Or he just had a full bladder.”

“You said it was after a crash. So… it was like a panic reaction…”

He gets serious. “Yes, just like yesterday on the stairs. I heard a crack and I was sure it was one of my bones… I panicked. I just… couldn’t think straight.”

“Have you had a strained muscle before?”

“Yes, a few times. It happens when you start a hard training without a proper warm up. Once I even strained a muscle in my neck!”

“Ouch, that must have been pain- “

You both turn to the door, hearing an engine sound.

“Who’s that?”

Sebastian shrugs his shoulders, getting up from the table.

“Sit down,” you push him back onto his chair. “Maybe it’s your dad.”

“No, he wouldn’t bother us. It could be Britta. She knows the code to open the gate.”

“I hope it’s her because I have no bra on under my shirt,” you mutter under your breath while going to open the door.

You can see through the window looking out the parking area that it’s not Britta. It’s a man and at first you don’t recognize him. Only when he turns and starts walking toward the door, you see his face. It’s Heikki Huovinen, Sebastian’s ex-physio.

Does he know about you? Sebastian never talked about him. Were they even in contact after 2013 when Heikki left?

You open the door, putting on a welcoming smile.

Heikki has even a brighter smile for you; he doesn’t seem surprised to see you. “Hi, you must be…” he says your name. “Britta told me that you’re taking care of Sebastian. I’m Heikki, I used to train him.”

“I’m trying…” you say, shaking his hand. “Nice to meet you. Sebastian’s in the kitchen.”

Sebastian’s not in the kitchen. He’s hobbling down the corridor with two crutches, eyes large with surprise. “Heikki! What are you doing here?”

“I was on a conference in Geneva, and I figured I could pay you a visit. Britta told me that you are home. Turned out I still remember the code to your gate,” Heikki explains studying Sebastian as he walks up.

“Yeah, I haven’t changed it… After so many years… I should probably change it.”

“You look good,” the Finn pulls Sebastian into an embrace.

Sebastian drops the crutches, thankfully you’re close to catch them.

“You look… heavier,” Sebastian says, studying the Finn up and down.

“And I have less hair on my head.”

“Yeah, I know your pain…”

“Can we sit down?” you suggest. “Would you like something to eat? We’re making toasts.”

“I’ve already eaten. But I wouldn’t mind a cup of coffee.”

* * *

“I want to help you,” Heikki says after listening to Sebastian talking for almost a half an hour straight. “But I have a family now and I don’t want to move them from Finland.”

“You could help me find a new trainer who lives here. Or who will be willing to move to Switzerland.”

“We already thought about it at Hintsa,” Heikki says. “I still want to help you personally though.”

“You sound like you have something in mind.”

“Yes.” Heikki glances at you before turning back to Sebastian. “Do you still have that cottage in Joutsa?”

“I do…”

“Would you move there for a month or two? I could train with you five or six days a week if you move there. Just to make you stronger. You could finally meet my family.”

Sebastian opens his mouth, frowning. He turns to you as if he needed to know your opinion before he decides.

“I think it’s a good idea,” you say.

“But you will come with me.”

You look at Heikki. “If that’s okay.”

The Finn smiles. “I wouldn’t dare to separate you.”

“How will we get there thought?” Sebastian asks. “I shouldn’t drive for long distances yet.”

“I’ll drive you, don’t worry. Just get to the Helsinki airport and I’ll take it from there.”

Sebastian’s quiet for a moment. “Can I have one request?”

“Sure.”

“I know it’s not on the way, but can you drive us to Turku first?”

The Finn frowns for a moment before nodding.


	15. Looking for happiness

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sebastian visits his old trainer, Heikki, in Finland. You meet Heikki's family. Sebastian starts a new training routine (with daily sexplorations). Something unexpected happens at the end of the chapter.

“I’ll give you a moment,” Heikki says, turning to walk back to the car.

You look over your shoulder, watching as the Finn avoids the puddles; you’re not sure if you should go with him.

“Stay,” Sebastian stops you, grasping your hand.

You look at the headstone of Antti’s grave; someone’s been here recently, maybe his mum, because there are fresh flowers in front of it. His family and friends, not just in Turku, must be still mourning his tragic death.

“I never had a chance to tell him…” Sebastian squeezes your hand, making you step closer to huddle up to him. “That he was one of the best friends I ever had. I could trust him with everything.”

You’re struggling to find the right words to console him. You can only hope that your presence would be enough.

“The trainers from Hintsa have this annoying thing that they keep asking you questions about your plans and your satisfaction with life in general… Antti was doing that often. And he wasn’t always satisfied with my answers. He knew when I wasn’t being honest.”

“What do you mean?”

“My job as a Ferrari driver wasn’t going the way I planned.”

“Probably because you’re an optimist.”

“Maybe.” It’s dark but you can still see the tears in his eyes.

You pull Sebastian’s hand to your face to warm it up against your cheek. “You will adjust your plans and find a new path.”

He nods; there’s a little smile on his face when he looks at you, but it’s still sad. “It’s just… it’s difficult to let go of your dreams.”

You sigh, looking down at Antti’s grave. “Sometimes you don’t have a choice.”

Sebastian sniffles, wiping his eyes. “He didn’t have a choice.”

“No.”

“But we’re still alive.”

You’re surprised to feel his arm around you as he pulls you into a kiss. A desperate, salty kiss…

“I don’t want to waste the rest of my life being miserable because of the things that I can’t have,” he says, pressing his forehead to yours.

“We’ll find something that’ll make you the happiest. I promise.” You look into his eyes, they’re not sad anymore, but filled with faith.

* * *

He seems different when he returns to the car.

“I don’t know where to sit now,” he says.

“Sit next to Heikki. We can still hold hands when I’m in the backseat,” you suggest.

“Good idea!”

You get into the car, it’s warm and dry inside.

“I thought I would feel worse looking at that grave,” Sebastian confesses, putting a seatbelt on. “But I needed it. I feel like I can think clearly now.”

“That’s great to hear,” Heikki turns the engine on.

There’s a long road ahead, almost four hours until you get from Turku to Jyvaskyla where Heikki lives with his family.

Sebastian reaches for your hand almost immediately after Heikki pulls away.

“So, how did you meet?” the Finn asks, throwing a glance at you through the rear view mirror.

Sebastian hurries to reply before you can open your mouth. “She was working as a photographer in the paddock. But as you can see, she’s quite petit and she got a little… manhandled.”

“And you acted as her bodyguard?”

Sebastian grins. “Not exactly. I was annoyed by her at first. I though that she was being silly thinking that she can do this job.”

“I was silly,” you agree. “And I lost the job pretty fast…”

“Yes, but you are exceptionally talented. And luckily Silvia noticed her photos of me and… they were amazing. You know how I hate seeing my own face. But on her photos, I didn’t mind.”

“You still didn’t like me when I got the job at Ferrari,” you say.

Sebastian laughs. “I liked you too much. I couldn’t focus when you were close.”

“Sorry not sorry.”

Heikki smiles. “I wish I could witness that.”

“Don’t… because the best parts happened right before the earthquake.”

You swallow, caressing Sebastian’s fingers.

“I was not in a good condition afterwards. Physically, it could have been much worse, but mentally…” Sebastian turns his head to look at you. “But I felt so much love. I realized that even when I was racing, before the accident, I was still missing something.”

“I spoke to Britta a couple of times,” Heikki says. “And when she told me that you finally fell in love, I knew that you would be all right.”

“Finally?” Sebastian scowls at the Finn. “I had to look for the right person!”

“You weren’t looking. You were afraid of women,” Heikki chuckles.

“No, I wasn’t! I was just not interested.”

“Sure, sure…”

Sebastian hits Heikki on the shoulder.

“Hey, I’m driving.”

“He has extremely specific requirements when it comes to girls,” you chime in. “They need to be small and get in trouble a lot.”

“That’s not true! I mean, I sure like petite girls, but I… You’re not…” Sebastian shakes his head. “You’re beautiful. Even just looking at you makes me feel good.”

“That’s perfect,” you say, drowning in happy emotions. “Because you make me feel good too.”

“We must be boring you,” Sebastian glances at the Finn.

“Oh, no… Not at all. I was just thinking about your training routine, because the last time we trained together you didn’t have sex with anyone.”

“And my leg was not fucked up.”

“Yes, that too.”

“Do you think I can get back to being as fit as I was in 2013?”

Heikki sighs. “I don’t know yet. You’d have to push extremely hard, and… for now, you can’t push at all.”

“I guess it depends on the type of pushing,” Sebastian smirks.

Heikki shakes his head. “Stop that. You’re making your girlfriend blush.”

Sebastian looks over his shoulder. “Yeah, that’s what I do.”

* * *

Sebastian got the cottage, or chalet as he calls it, from Aki Hintsa, the legendary doctor who used to work in the paddock and was not only taking care of Sebastian but also other stars like Lewis Hamilton and Kimi Raikkonen.

Aki’s old friends still live in the neighbourhood; they prepared the chalet for Sebastian’s arrival.

Before reaching your destination, Heikki takes you to K-Supermarket in the centre of the town to get supplies.

“I’ll be visiting you almost every day, but I’d hate if you one day woke up without toilet paper,” he says, filling up your shopping cart.

You’ve already made a list of products that you’ll need to prepare meals for you and Sebastian. Heikki approved it, now he’s making sure you have all the items.

The moment you enjoy the most is Sebastian blushing as the Finn is picking up packs of condoms from a shelf. One, two, three, four, five… until Sebastian yanks him by the elbow and tells him that that’s enough.

It gets dark early. When the Finn finally parks his car in front of Sebastian’s rarely used chalet, you can barely see the details around. All you know is that it’s surrounded by tall pines; it’s close to a lake, with a direct access to the beach. It must be convenient in the summer; you can still take a short rowing boat trip if the day is warm.

An elderly gentleman welcomes you at the door. Heikki talks to him in Finnish, Sebastian is listening. You’re not even trying. You’re more interested in checking the interior of the chalet.

It’s modest. Rustic. It’s cosy and warm inside, there’s fire burning in a wood stove, but Sebastian told you that the heating system is electric.

The furniture is made of wood; the open kitchen looks more modern, with all the electric appliances that you are happy to see.

“We should start the training program with a bit of sauna,” Sebastian suggests, as he joins you inside.

He looks around; judging by his face not much has changed since the last time he’s been here.

“I need to get back to my wife,” Heikki says. “You take your time, unpack. I’ll be back tomorrow morning.”

Sebastian smiles at the Finn as he approaches you to give you a rub on the shoulder. “Take care of him.”

“I will,” you nod.

* * *

“Is he gone?”

“Who? Heikki? I guess… Or someone has stolen his car.”

“No, I meant the old guy.”

“His name is Petteri.” Sebastian looks out the window.

“He was walking around the house…”

“He was just making sure everything is in order. He lives behind those trees. You can see his property from here.”

You come up to Sebastian, stopping so close, he can feel the heat coming from your body. “Pull the blinds down. Just in case.”

“Why?” He turns to you with a wide smile. “Are you planning to murder me?”

“No, I want to have sex with you.”

“Oh… I won’t fight you then.”

By the time all the blinds are down, you’re in your underwear, looking around the room and wondering if you should test the bed in the bedroom or the sofa in the living room first.

Sebastian’s ears are red, which means that he’s in the right mood. He’s rummaging trough your bags.

“Where did he put the condoms?”

You frown. “I don’t remember, but they have to be in one of the bags.” You join Sebastian, searching for the small boxes. “I’m sure Heikki packed them. I remember the cashier giving him a look…”

Ten minutes later, the room’s a mess, but the condoms are nowhere to be found.

“This is ridiculous.” Sebastian grabs his phone, only to discover a message from Heikki that has been sent a while ago.

He shows it to you. “I just found one more bag on the floor of my car. I’m home, not going back. You’ll have to manage without it.”

Sebastian lets out an irritated huff. “We have no choice…”

But you… for some reason… you get even more aroused.

“I guess we’ll have to do some… sexplorations,” you suggest, keeping an innocent smile on your face while looking at the mess around you.

You can feel Sebastian’s stare on your body as you start picking up stuff. You hope he’s not frustrated. Because there’s still so many things you can do…

“Maybe we should unpack and… organize our personal items first,” he suggests, putting his phone on the table. The screen flickers before going black; you’re sure he turned it off.

“Okay…”

“But could you take your underwear off first?”

“I’m already almost naked, Sebastian.”

“Almost makes a huge difference… I want to see everything,” he says, his voice changing.

“Are you sure it won’t distract you? Will you even remember where you put anything?”

“I will remember. Don’t worry.”

“Just as you remembered to take that bag from Heikki’s car?”

“So now it’s my fault?”

Pretending to be annoyed with him, you undo your bra.

“I don’t regret it,” Sebastian’s staring at you, a stack of shirts in his hand.

“You’re already distracted…”

“No, I’m just stunned.”

You pull your panties down. “Is that what you wanted?”

“It’s a good start… yes…”

His stare is hot like fire.

“Let’s get to work,” you say, crouching to pick up some of your clothes.

Sebastian focuses on his belongings, but he’s glancing at you all the time. You can feel it. It turns this boring activity into an exciting foreplay.

At first it feels awkward because you’re in an unfamiliar place, organizing your socks and underwear in a drawer, and putting food into cupboards and into the fridge while not wearing any clothes. You feel exposed and vulnerable. But then you catch Sebastian licking or biting his lip and you recognize the power you have over him. He is the vulnerable one. He is exposed. His needs, his desires, his weaknesses…

He has a better self control than you thought, because he doesn’t touch you until everything is put where it’s supposed to be. He even reorganizes the food in the fridge because he has a system that he has not explained to you yet.

“What was in that bag apart from the condoms?” you ask, putting empty bags into bigger bags.

“Paper towels… I think… Do you want to take a shower together?”

You look at his face before checking his body. “Yes,” you say, shivering at the thought of him naked.

* * *

Hands and mouths are more than enough to have a very pleasant night. A sticky night of desire that’s burning brighter than the fire in the stove.

“When my leg is fully functional, I’ll show you,” Sebastian says, while you are recovering from your fourth or fifth orgasm; you’ve lost count. “I’ll show you how it’s done.”

“I think you already showed me a lot…”

“You don’t know the half of it.”

“Ooooof… I’m scared…”

“Sometimes I like being gentle, precise and patient.…”

“You mastered it,” you admit, remembering all the little pleasures you experienced tonight.

“But I’m an athlete. I… mean, I was an athlete…” he frowns. “You’re quite fit yourself. And light. We could experiment a lot.”

You don’t know what exactly he has in mind, but it’s arousing anyway. “You’re clearly more experienced than me,” you say, putting a hand on Sebastian’s chest and moving it as if it was a walking spider. “I request some time for personal exercise. I need to catch up with you… Improve my techniques… Get more feedback…”

“I give myself to science.” Sebastian grimaces, as you gently grasp his pretty penis.

“Can you give me tips?” You shift on the bed, feeling the desire waking up inside you again. You’re ready for a new round and he’ll be ready too; he just needs to realize what you want to do.

You see a sweet smile of endless gratitude on his face as you bend down; your hair tickling his belly.

“Don’t be shy with your tongue…”

“Okay…” You part your lips; your heartrate accelerating as you make him enjoy the comforts of you mouth. “Like this?”

“More…” He touches your hair before letting out a low moan. “Yes… again…”

* * *

It’s already morning. Sebastian’s head is between your legs, and you’re in a land of unimaginable pleasure, when you hear a car pull up.

“Oh, no… it’s Heikki…”

“Not stopping…” Sebastian mumbles, getting even more committed.

You lost track of time; Sebastian had turned off his phone. No wonder you got caught in the act. Well, not quite yet…

“He’s coming…”

“You’re coming first.” After long hours of practice, he knows how to make you climax.

The only problem is that you’re getting a little stressed. But sometimes… It’s beneficial.

Arching your back, you gasp for air. Quiet… the door is locked, but you cracked open the window and the Finn’s passing by right when you are coming…

“Done!” Sebastian lifts himself up, way too soon for your liking, but you’ll survive.

With a satisfied smile on your face, you watch him put a pair of boxer shorts on. “I hope he brought the condoms,” he mutters under his breath before leaving the bedroom.

* * *

In the morning, Heikki massages Sebastian. He’s gentle with his injured leg, but brutal with the rest of his body.

Heikki has his training equipment with him, stretch bands, balls, kettlebells, and stuff like that.

The training is focused on Sebastian’s upper body.

You have a lunch together before going for a slow walk along the lake.

Heikki leaves around 4 in the afternoon, you prepare a dinner while Sebastian has a nap. When he wakes up, you make use of the condoms. You eat dinner, and then you have sex until you’re tired.

The second day Sebastian invites you to use the sauna. And by “use” he means “have sex” in the sauna.

“Mind your leg, okay, hottie?” you remind him when he’s reaching for a condom. You take it out of his hand. “Let’s leave that for bed.”

You kneel in front of him, making him incredibly happy. It gets sticky again… You switch positions and he takes care of you. Without hurrying this time.

He’s so good, you nearly get a heat stroke.

“If it weren’t for my leg, I would jump into the lake.”

“Let’s take a shower instead,” you suggest. “But you’ll have to carry me, because I’m too weak…”

“Oh, what happened? Who did that to you?” he chuckles.

“A certain German with very plump lips… and a naughty tongue.”

“Do I know him?”

“I think you do. He’s the best lover in the universe.”

* * *

“This is what he dumped me for,” Sebastian says as you enter Heikki’s house. “Can you believe it?”

“Hello!” Heikki’s wife, Mia, welcomes you, a baby on her arm, sucking from a bottle.

Sebastian introduces you two to each other.

“Mika was hungry again,” she explains. “Let’s hope he falls asleep once he’s full.”

“Little Heikki number two,” Sebastian says, glancing at the baby. “And here’s little Heikki number one,” he turns to a little boy, three maybe four years old, that Heikki is carrying on his arm.

“His name is Oskari,” Heikki says, looking at his son with pride. He says something in Finnish, the boy doesn’t like the suggestion as he buries his face in Heikki’s neck. “He’s shy.”

“I guess he doesn’t remember me…” Sebastian sighs. “Does he speak English?”

“Not really… But he understands some words.”

“Good afternoon,” Sebastian says loudly, gently grasping the boy’s hand.

“I don’t think that’s one of those words…” Heikki laughs. “Leave your jackets there and make yourself at home.”

* * *

Heikki’s house is much smaller than Sebastian’s. But it has a cosy, warm feeling to it. It’s nicely decorated with small, colourful paintings in wooden frames. There are plants in every room.

Even though Mia looks a bit tired, there’s subtle joy in her eyes that radiates outside.

“Could you finish feeding Mika, Sebastian? I’d like to finish preparing the dinner,” Mia says, handing the baby to Sebastian before he even has a chance to speak.

“Oh… well… I hope he doesn’t lose appetite…” Sebastian stutters, getting a little tense, but when Mia adjusts the bottle and the baby starts drinking again, he relaxes.

“Hold like this. Yes, good,” Mia says before heading out of the room.

“Can I sit?” Sebastian asks.

“No, don’t move an inch or he’ll puke,” Heikki says with a smirk.

“That’s not funny.”

“Of course, you can sit. What kind of question was that? I thought you have nieces.”

“Yeah… I got out of practice…” Sebastian sits down on the couch. He looks up and he notices you. “You want to hold him?”

“I think he’s busy,” you say, trying to hide your emotions. Seeing Sebastian with a baby makes you feel a lot of thing.

“He’s looking at me,” Sebastian notices, turning back to the baby. “Hello, little one. I’m uncle Sebastian.”

Drawn by the cuteness of the scene, you come up to sit next to Sebastian.

“Look at his big blue eyes,” he says. “He’s looking at you now. Probably wondering who’s that pretty lady.”

You roll your eyes, but you smile at the baby.

Heikki’s cuddling his older one in his arms. “Oskari drew a painting for you,” he says, before putting the boy down and saying something to him in Finnish.

Oskari leaves the room; Heikki follows him to the door to keep an eye on him. The little boy returns with a piece of paper. He approaches you before handing the drawing to Sebastian.

“Oh, thank you!”

As soon as Sebastian grabs the piece of paper, the boy runs to hide in his dad’s arms.

“Look, it’s me in a red car,” Sebastian shows you the drawing. “Kiitos,” he says to the boy who finally makes eye contact with him and smiles.

“I’ll add it to my art gallery,” Sebastian says. The art gallery is a wall in his trophy room where he put all the drawings he received from his little fans. He’s fond of that collection.

Once the dinner is ready, you sit around a small kitchen table and you chat about the past, about the present and about the future.

After the meal, you go to the living room. Heikki turns on TV, wanting to watch a football game, but when switching channels, he stumbles across a live Formula 1 race.

It gets quiet in the room. You feel as if you were on a space station, watching through the window on the Earth down below. It used to be your home… It used to be Sebastian’s home. His whole life. The only reality he ever knew. But now it’s so distant. It’s happening right now, without you.

“You want to watch it?” Heikki asks.

“No, we better follow the game,” Sebastian decides.

You wonder if he really is more interested in football, or was the race making him feel bad because he can’t take part in it?

“Do you miss racing?” Heikki asks later that evening.

“I do,” Sebastian admits. “I feel like I not only lost my job, but also a hobby and my biggest passion.”

“You look happy though,” Mia says before offering you a piece of cake.

“That’s after sex glow.”

Heikki glances at Oskari. “Seb…”

“You said he doesn’t speak English,” Sebastian grins seeing Heikki’s annoyed reaction. “I’m joking. I am happy, you’re right. I guess I discovered new sources of happiness. I just… miss the adrenaline rush…”

“You were always addicted to it, you know?”

“I still am, I guess. It’s a special feeling… when you cross that line first. When you stand on the podium, and you know you were faster than everyone else. You beat everyone…”

“Judging by how Ferrari is doing, you wouldn’t get many chances to stand on that top step, my friend,” Heikki says.

Sebastian doesn’t respond, his face getting serious. You wish you knew what’s going on in his head. Does he feel responsible for Ferrari’s trouble? It’s not his fault that they had to replace him.

* * *

“I could see that you were sleepy, but it felt wrong to leave at the exact moment when there was a nappy to change,” Sebastian says, closing the door to the chalet.

“It was impressive… The way you handled it.”

“I had no idea. If I knew, I wouldn’t volunteer…” he cringes, making you laugh with amusement.

“It was a nice evening,” you conclude. “I like how they decorated the house.”

“It’s way too small for me. They don’t even have a guest room.”

“Well, not everyone can afford a mansion like yours.”

Sebastian’s expression changes. “Thank God I saved almost all the money I earned so far. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be able to afford it either.”

“It’s a big house…”

“You think it’s too big?”

“Too big for two people.”

“I didn’t notice because my parents were with me all the time… Or some other guests.”

You grab a bathrobe. “I’ll be back in a minute. Just need to take a quick shower.”

While you are in the bathroom, Sebastian calls his dad. He chats with him, and then with his mom for almost half an hour. The conversation is in German; you guess he’s talking about Heikki and his family, because he mentions Oskari and Mika a couple of times.

After taking a shower himself, he finally joins you in bed.

“You forgot to put your pyjamas on,” he says when he notices that you’re naked under the duvet.

“I thought you would be happy.”

He looks at you. “I thought you were sleepy.”

You pout. “All right. I see you’re not in the mood…”

“We walked a lot today. I need to save my leg.”

“Sorry to hear that.” You turn your back to him, pulling the duvet up to cover your shoulders. “I was so looking forward to have fun with your leg, but you’re right. Everyone has their limits…”

“You little… sugar-cube…” he shifts closer, pressing his body to yours from behind. You can feel his warm breath behind your ear, his hand sneakily sliding between your thighs.

“You forgot to keep your boxer shorts on,” you mutter, shifting onto your back and spreading your legs apart.

“You say stop and I’ll stop,” he looks at your face, studying your reaction to his touch.

You can’t keep a straight face. It’s impossible when the pleasure is so intense.

“Stop…” you whisper, making him pause with surprise. “Talking…” you add, throwing your arms around his neck and pulling him closer.

It’s awesome that even after having sex so many times, you only needed around 8 hours of break to feel so charged that this sexual experience seems more intense than ever before.

It’s almost rough… You’re both ignoring the fact that Sebastian’s using his legs as he’s working his hips on top of you, pushing hard and fast, until you’re a sweaty, moaning mess…

“Are you okay?” he asks half an hour later, touching your face.

“I was going to ask you the same question.”

He looks surprised.

“The leg…”

“Ah, it’s good. I mean, I probably wouldn’t feel if something were wrong anyway… not for a while…” he smiles, fixing a strand of hair that got stuck to your sweaty forehead. “Your body is perfect.”

“Because I’m petit?”

“You make me feel like a giant.”

“But you are a giant.”

He laughs. “I guess I am.”

“I am very… very satisfied with you…” you confess, hoping he can see the truth in your eyes.

“Yeah… I heard… I told you I’ll make you scream.”

“That wasn’t screaming though.”

“Not yet. But you know me, if I want something, I usually get it.”

“I am rooting for you with all my heart,” you chuckle. “And some other body parts.”

* * *

A month later, you return to Switzerland.

Sebastian invites Heikki, his wife and children to spend a couple weeks with you in his house. He can keep training together with Heikki who, in the meantime, is looking for a new trainer that will take care of him once the Finn and his family go back to Finland.

“I would love to meet your parents,” Sebastian says one day. “Heikki and Mia are leaving tomorrow. Let’s enjoy the empty house for a couple of days and maybe your parents could visit?”

You feel ticking in your underbelly when you think about what he must mean by “enjoying the empty house”.

* * *

Your parents can’t leave their jobs without notice; the house is empty for a couple more weeks. Norbert and Heike pay you a short visit, but they only stay for a weekend.

Sebastian is meeting guys who are willing to train him. He knows some of them from the paddock, but some are new. Heikki said that he doesn’t need to hurry. He needs to like the guy if they are going to work together. Heikki understands the bond between the driver and the physio. He was the one who picked Antti for Sebastian, but this time he wants Sebastian to make a choice for himself.

Sebastian starts jogging. You often go with him, happy to work on your own fitness as well. You feel a lot stronger than you were when you first met. Not just physically, but also mentally.

But there’s that one thing that stresses the hell out of you… You haven’t mentioned it to Sebastian yet, even when he noticed you zooming out mid-conversation.

One day you wake up in the middle of the night feeling sick. You go to the toilet ready to puke, but the nausea goes away as you kneel on the cold floor in front of the toilet.

After drinking a full glass of water, you return to bed.

You can barely see Sebastian’s face in the darkness, but you stare at it anyway. He’s sleeping. He’s not aware of what’s bothering you. Should you talk to him? What if there’s nothing to talk about? Maybe you should make sure first? Maybe he doesn’t need to worry…

The next morning, he wakes you up with little kisses to your face. “I’m going to the gym. You sleep as long as you want.”

You can’t sleep anyway. You can’t focus on anything. You’re trying to judge your physical state; did something change? Are you nauseous or just famished? No, that’s not the same feeling…

When Sebastian shows up after a quick shower, you’re preparing scrambled eggs for breakfast.

“I need to tell you something…” he says, sitting down behind the table, his face serious.

“Me too!” you blurt out.

“Okay, you first,” he reaches for a piece of bread.

“No, you go first!” You scoop him a large portion of scrambled eggs from the pan.

“All right,” he licks his lips. The news must be positive because he seems to have a good appetite. “Mattia called me this morning. I obviously didn’t pick up, because I was in the gym, but I called him back. We talked a little. He wanted to know how I was doing.”

“That’s very nice of him.”

“He invited me to Maranello. He said that he’d like to throw a party. A welcome back party.”

“I wouldn’t mind going to Maranello with you. I miss the place. And the people.”

“Yes, but… he wants me to come next week, and we already invited your parents.”

“We can leave them here alone for a day or two. They will feel like they’re on vacation. Don’t worry about them.”

“Are you sure?”

“Unless you want to take them for a trip to Maranello…”

Sebastian’s chewing in silence. “You think they’d want to come with us?”

“Sure! Why not?”

Sebastian seems relieved and happy with your suggestion. His delighted face make you want to chicken out and not mention your problem.

“Mattia also said that he has an offer for me… I know my seat is already taken and I’m not fit enough to get it back yet, but, who knows, maybe I could be useful?”

As you start wondering about potential job offers that Mattia Binotto could have for his recovering driver, Sebastian grabs your hand.

“You’re not eating?”

“I am… I just… I was listening to you.”

“You can eat and listen.” He squints at you. “Is everything all right?”

You swallow down the nervousness. “My period is late.”

Sebastian’s expression changes, exactly as you expected. “How much?”

“Almost two weeks.”

He frowns. “Is that unusual for you?”

“Yes. I… normally it can be late up to five days. And it’s often stress related. Or emotion-related. If something changes in my life, or if I’m sick, but… not twelve days.”

“Do you feel different?” He’s not letting go of your hand. Suddenly, he’s looking at you as if you were made of glass.

“No… I mean, I am obviously nervous about it, but…” You shake your head helplessly. “I don’t know…”

Sebastian scratches his head. “We should make sure as fast as possible.”

“I agree.”

“Let’s finish breakfast first. And then we’ll drive to the nearest pharmacy.”

You nod. Whatever is the truth, you want to know. Before your parents arrive. And before Sebastian takes any offer from Mattia.


	16. A new start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Together with your parents you travel to Italy where Mattia Binotto will make an offer to Seb. As you visit the karting track in Lonato, Sebastian decides his future.

Too young. Too soon. Too suddenly.

You've spent weeks trying to help Sebastian in figuring out his future and right when he started making plans and having ideas, you are forced to re-evaluate everything.

You must adapt. Change direction. Change priorities.

You’re scared and worried. You can feel the weight of responsibility. Part of you is aware of the limitations facing you, but there’s also another feeling inside you, growing… Whispering of happiness, destiny, and fulfilment.

Some people are born to be parents. You’re not yet sure if you’re one of them, but Sebastian is. You were only his fan and you already knew it. Being his girlfriend gave you the opportunity to watch him, listen to him, understand what gives him purpose.

You’re sitting in Sebastian’s lap, squeezing his hand. According to the pregnancy test, you should wait five to ten minutes before checking the result.

Sebastian’s looking at his watch. “Three more minutes.”

“Do we wait ten?”

“Five to ten… let’s make it eight.”

“Okay.”

The testing stick is lying on the bathroom sink; you’re keeping away from it as if your closeness could influence the result.

“It’s eight minutes right… now.”

“Should we check?”

“Yes.”

You take a deep breath.

“Two lines means pregnant?” Sebastian asks, as you grab the stick.

“Yes.” Your heart pounding in your chest, you look at the test.

One line…

Sebastian can see it too. “Let’s wait another minute, just in case,” he suggests.

You feel overwhelming emotions sweeping through you, positive and negative.

Ten minutes pass and the test is still negative. You are not pregnant.

“Should I take another test?” you ask, your hands shaking.

“If you want to…” Sebastian kisses your cheek, his voice soft.

You’d think you would be dancing and jumping for joy because you can still go on with your plans… Nothing must change in your life. You can do whatever you want.

_We can do whatever we want._

You feel a tear rolling down your cheek. “That was intense…”

Sebastian pulls you into his arms. No questions asked.

* * *

A day later, after a visit in the bathroom, you go to look for Sebastian. He’s oiling a door hinge to the guestroom that your parents will be using when they arrive.

“I finally got my period,” you say, entering the room. You sit down on a double bed, touching the bedding.

Sebastian leaves the tools on the floor and comes up to sit next to you.

He puts an arm around you. You sit in silence, each deep in their own thoughts, but you feel bonded, unified, connected on a spiritual level.

“I hope your parents will like me,” Sebastian says, grasping your hand. He starts playing with your fingers, but it feels almost like an examination, a study, not a mindless caress.

“They will, I have zero doubts about it. I just hope you will like them too.”

He smiles. “I’m already a huge admirer of their work.”

“You mean me?”

“Yes. Ha-ha.”

* * *

You’re proud of yourself when your parents shake Sebastian’s hand. Despite your worries, you’re not even nervous.

“Tell your mum that she’s really beautiful,” Sebastian says to you since you’re working as the translator.

“My dad will get jealous,” you say.

“I think he’s already jealous. I’m sleeping with his little girl…”

“Stop it.”

Your parents are staring at you with exaggerated smiles. You just hope they don’t think that you’re making fun of them.

“Sebastian wanted you to know that you’re very pretty,” you translate, glancing at your dad.

“Thank you!” Mum’s obviously flattered.

Your dad clears his throat. “Tell him that the house looks impressive.”

Sebastian thanks with a nod. “Ask your dad if he wants to go for a spin in a Ferrari.”

“Just you and him?”

“Yes.”

“All right.”

Your dad has never driven a Ferrari and he’s obviously excited about the invitation.

You all go to the garage; you want your mum to see how tidy and well organized it is.

Once the boys are gone, you take your mum for a house tour.

“It’s a huge property,” she notices. “Will you be able to afford it now that Sebastian is not racing?”

“We don’t know yet,” you admit. “He’s been saving money from his previous contracts, so we probably won’t go broke for many years, but still… I don’t think he will be comfortable with that.”

“When do you think he’ll propose?”

“Mum, please…”

“You’re living together. You could as well start thinking about getting married.”

“I can’t read Sebastian’s thoughts.”

You enter the master bedroom, which brings to your mind all the naughty things you did here.

“The bed looks expensive,” your mum says.

“Sebastian’s dad made it. He’s a carpenter.”

“Oh, that’s impressive. I see Sebastian can work with hands too.”

“Yes, he can.” You look around, wondering what your mother has in mind, because… you see the bed, and indeed, Seb did work with his hands a lot there. “Are you thirsty? I can make you some fresh juice.”

“Yes, that would be nice.”

As you’re sipping orange juice, your mum keeps glancing at her phone. “I hope the guys are okay. I can’t imagine them communicating a lot…”

“Men don’t need words when they are around cars. Seb’s great at pantomime, too.”

“Can you help me repack my bag for the trip to Italy?”

“Sure.”

* * *

You leave the same day. Your destination is not Maranello yet, but Milan.

Sebastian is driving his Alfa Romeo.

He’s talking a lot, trying to keep your parents and you entertained. When he’s not talking, he is making you listen to his favourite songs. You feel awkward at first when he starts singing. Not because there’s something wrong with it, but because you’re too shy to sing along.

But your mum knows the song and she stars humming. Then your dad starts making weird sounds (he doesn’t know the song). And you just burst out laughing.

Sebastian picked the hotel you will stay in for the night. He wants to avoid crowded places, so he suggests that your parents should go and take a walk alone, just the two of them.

You find yourself alone with Sebastian in the car, watching your parents from afar as they stroll down the sidewalk, holding hands.

“I know how much you hate surprises,” Sebastian starts. “And after what we’ve been through, I don’t want to put you on the spot. So, I’d like you to come with me to a jewellery shop and pick a nice engagement ring. We’ll pretend that you didn’t know about it. I heard that it’s how most couples do it anyway.”

You stare at him, speechless.

“So, yeah, I want to propose at the party in Maranello.”

You press a hand to your mouth, your heart beating fast. So good to be in the car and not observed by anyone and not to be expected to react in a certain way. “Thank you.”

“You approve?”

“Thank you for telling me.”

He smiles, visibly relieved by your reaction. “I wanted to wait at least a couple months, until my professional future is settled, but then when we thought that you were pregnant, I felt that I should do it as soon as possible. And then it turned out that you are not pregnant, but…” he shakes his head. “I don’t know what I should do with my career, but I know, I’ve known since we met, what I want in my private life. I want to marry you and… when we are ready, I want us to have kids together.”

You feel tears coming to your eyes; this is the best day of your life – so far. “Yes,” you say, your voice cracking. “I will go to that jewellery shop with you,” you throw yourself into Sebastian’s arms, crying happy tears.

* * *

Now that you know what Seb is planning to do at the “welcome back” party in Maranello, you feel extremely excited about it. You know what will happen, he knows what you’re going to say. You know that the ring will fit and that it’s beautiful. You know that your parents will be proud of you and satisfied with Sebastian’s level of commitment.

What you don’t know, is the offer that Mattia wants to make to Sebastian. Will your future still be linked with Ferrari and Maranello?

After spending the night in a romantic hotel, not having sex because you’re on your period (trying not to guess if your parents are having sex in the adjacent room), you wake up, you have breakfast together and you get into Sebastian’s Alfa Romeo again.

Maranello is only a couple hours away.

The party takes place in the spacious dinning area. Usually the gloss-white scheme is contrasting with red uniforms of the workers, but today there are many black, red, and yellow accents to celebrate Sebastian’s nationality.

It takes him forty minutes to get to the canteen because every person you meet along the way wants to touch him and hug him and to tell him how great it is to see him again. And in good health.

You suggested to Seb that you will take your camera. You try to take as many pictures as possible, because you know that Sebastian’s parents will love to see them.

Turns out you’re not the only person with a camera.

“Ciao! Long time no see!” Callo Albanese gives you a gentle nudge on the shoulder. It feels like it’s been ages since he checked your broken camera in the Ferrari garage. “Are you back to work?”

“No, I’m with Sebastian.”

Someone approaches you from behind, covering your eyes. “Guess who!”

“Fabrizio!” You duck down, turn and ram into Fabrizio’s torso like a small projectile. He catches you easily and turns the teasing into a hug.

“Man, you’re strong now!” he says, leaning away to look at your face. “Where is our idol?”

“He’s…” you look around. “Right there.”

“I need to go and squeeze him too.”

You don’t want to miss it, so you follow Fabrizio with the camera. He approaches Sebastian from behind, same as he did with you, closing his arms around him and lifting him off the ground.

“Oh… Fabrizio, hi…” Sebastian’s beaming at his sight. When they face each other, they hug again.

“You look great,” Fabrizio says.

“You too.”

“I missed you in the garage.”

“I missed you too. I missed everyone.” Sebastian looks around the canteen, there’s a small crowd of people staring at him with love.

He spots someone who makes his smile grow wider. You follow his gaze; Britta just entered. And not just her – she’s followed by Norbert, Heike, and Fabian.

You almost jump for joy seeing them. You were so uneasy thinking that they would miss the proposal!

“I’m glad we’re not late,” Britta says as she approaches you.

She hugs you and Sebastian. “Mattia is in his office waiting for you.”

Sebastian extends a hand to you. “Let’s go.”

Britta grabs your hand first. “You should go alone. We’ll wait for you here. We have some parents to introduce to each other.”

“You’re right. I’ll be right back.”

Once Sebastian leaves, you look for your parents and you proudly, with Britta’s assistance, introduce them to Sebastian’s family.

Britta wants to hear from you about Sebastian’s 'state of mind'.

“He wants to propose…” you whisper to her.

“I know, he told me; but his parents don’t know yet,” she chuckles. “You better give me the camera already. I’m not as good as you, but luckily, Callo is here as well.”

* * *

You are talking to people, you have a nice chat with Silvia, but your heart is with Sebastian. It’s been a half an hour since he went to Mattia’s office. The Ferrari boss must have a lot to say to him…

They finally show up, together, when people are already a little hungry. The champagne is ready and a large cake.

Sebastian looks small and subdued as he enters, but that’s probably because Mattia is so tall next to him and always fidgeting.

Once Sebastian spots you, his gaze brightens up. The contrast between the professional Seb and the private Seb couldn’t be more glaring. Just as he said – one part of his life is still unknown, but the other part is certain. You are making him happy and he wants to build on that.

“Welcome everyone,” Mattia grabs a microphone. “We are gathered here to welcome Sebastian back in our factory. We are extremely happy to see him again, and to see the progress he’s made. I think… that somehow, there was a hole in this place after the accident, when Sebastian got injured and couldn’t continue racing for us.” He turns to Seb, putting a hand on his shoulder. “We were cheering for your recovery because we want you to still be part of our project. We know how much you love Ferrari and we could use your experience. We made an offer to Sebastian,” he turns back to the crowd again. “We would like him to be our development driver. He has time to decide. Whatever his decision, we will support it, but I hope he’ll stay with us.”

Sebastian smiles to the crowd. You know him better now than most of the people around. You know that he doesn’t want to reject the love and support, but… he’s not happy with the offer.

You can only imagine how hard it is for him to keep a smile on, but… there’s something about this party that makes him happy for real.

“I missed you all,” he says to the microphone. “As you probably know, I had only one leg for a while… It was bad, but not as bad as when I ended up with three legs. I missed racing so badly, I was cane racing my grandpa.” He’s entertaining the crowd again with a funny story. “I want to thank everyone who supported me during this tough period. Britta, my family, and most of all, my girlfriend…”

This is the moment when something goes wrong, right? People are staring at you. It doesn’t matter. Sebastian wants them to know what his life is about now. He wants to show them that he found a new source of happiness. Some of the people here are deeply concerned about him; now they will find a peace of mind.

“I wouldn’t be here if it weren’t for her,” Sebastian extends his hand, inviting you closer.

You feel tears in your eyes, and for a moment you are desperate to stop them, but you give up quickly.

“I wanted to use this opportunity.” Sebastian reaches to his pocket; you hope the ring is still there (the empty box is in your purse). He gets on one knee, his eyes glistening with tears too. “Cupcake…” his voice breaks. “Will you marry me?”

You say yes, but it comes out so soft that you need to repeat it for the people around to hear.

They start cheering and clapping, while Sebastian puts the ring on your finger. He gets up and he presses his sweet lips to yours. You would kiss him harder, but the parents are watching!

When he leans back, you look into his eyes. You’ve never seen him happier, but deep down inside you know that it’s only a beginning. There are so many things you are looking forward to. Things that will make him even happier. Your wedding. The day you will stop using condoms. The positive pregnancy test. The birth of your first child…

* * *

“Do you still have the tattoo?” Fabrizio grasps your wrists.

“I do. Do you?” you ask.

“Of course!” Fabrizio exposes his arm; there’s Seb and a number five, barely visible in the maze of tattoos around it. “I always thought five will be the number of his titles, but now I think that you will have five children.”

“Five…” your eyes grow large. “That’s a lot.”

“You can have three at once. They will be tiny anyway, same as you and Seb,” Fabrizio chuckles.

“He’s not that small.”

“Ah…” Fabrizio wags his eyebrows. “So, the rumours are true.”

You stare at him for a second before punching him on the shoulder.

* * *

“Happy?” you ask your mum when your parents approach you for hugs.

Your mum is too emotional to respond.

* * *

Your ears are still ringing from the loud conversation that your parents had at dinner. They are in their hotel rooms now; Sebastian is taking a shower, while you are waiting for him in bed, admiring the engagement ring on your finger.

“So, how much time do you have to decide if you want that new job at Ferrari?” you ask, when Sebastian shows up in the bedroom, drying his hair with a towel.

“Not much because they are already working hard on the new car.”

You watch him check his phone; you keep getting congratulatory messages because Ferrari, with your permission, shared a photo and an information about your engagement on social media.

“I hate simulator work,” Sebastian grunts. “I don’t know what I was expecting. They were never going to give me my seat back. Who knows if I can still race? Maybe I’ll get sick after three laps or I’ll start panicking…” He drops the towel on a chair and joins you in bed.

“You should just tell Mattia the truth straight away.”

“Then I’ll be unemployed for real.”

You sigh, shifting closer to him. You lean to him and you press your lips to his shoulder. “I feel so useless. I should look for a job too.”

“There’s a karting event tomorrow in Lonato. Mattia said that I’ll get a bonus if I show up. The kids will be happy to see me.”

“Do you want to take our parents there?”

“Yes, of course. They seem to enjoy each other’s company.”

“Without speaking the same language. It’s impressive,” you laugh. “Would they let you do a couple of laps too? It would be a nice occasion to see if you’re still enjoying it.”

“Go-karting is different than driving an F1 car.”

“I know. But it was how it all started. It can be a new start for you as well.”

Sebastian looks at you with a loving smile. “Aren’t you a wise little thing…” he leans to kiss you. “My wife-to-be…”

The mere sound of it is making your heart flutter with joy. “When we get married, I want my name to be changed to Cupcake Vettel.”

Sebastian looks at you, frowning. The idea that he’s not sure if you’re joking, makes you burst out with laughter.

* * *

“This is getting ridiculous,” Britta says, as you’re standing by the karting track in Lonato watching Sebastian and Fabian race. The brothers took the competition seriously.

“Tell Heike to wag her finger at them,” you joke.

“They won’t see it anyway.”

“Maybe we should write ‘slow down, xo mum’ on the board.”

The racing looks crazy, but you trust that Seb knows what he’s doing.

The kids in the stands are thrilled with the show, cheering for both drivers.

Fabian is leading; Sebastian is right behind him. He nearly pushes Fabian off the track when he makes the overtaking lunge, but his brother is smart to avoid contact.

“Have they planned which one is going to win?” Britta asks. “Or are they racing for real?”

“I’m not sure.”

Sebastian picks up the pace; his brother can’t keep up with him. Your future husband wins the race, lifting his hands high up to the cheering crowd.

Once he’s out of the go-kart, he takes the helmet off and waves to the fans in the stands. After shaking hands with Fabian, they both hold a long autograph session.

“Norbert is taking everyone for ice cream,” Britta says.

“I’ll stay here and wait for Sebastian.”

“As you wish.”

You walk up closer to the spot where Sebastian is interacting with young, aspiring racers and his small fans. Unnoticed, you watch him as he smiles to them, explains things, signs various items. Sometimes, when a particularly tiny one approaches, his face changes and he touches the little one’s hair.

Such a dad…

“It was fun!” he exclaims when you approach him. “Did you see that little girl? She won one of the races!”

“Yes, I saw her.”

“When they have helmets on, you can’t see if they are boys or girls.”

“Does it matter?”

“No…” He grabs a bottle of water and starts drinking, his eyes on the little girl and her parents.

“So, did you enjoy racing Fabian? He had a great start.”

“Yeah… he was good at defending.”

“You looked fast.”

“I looked?” he grins at you. “I was fast! And I had fun, but…” he takes another sip. “I had more fun watching the kids and helping them.”

You take him by the hand. “Our parents went to have ice cream. We should join them.”

“Okay, let’s go.” You slowly walk away from the track, stopping for a couple more autographs.

“Would you like our future children to race go-karts?” you ask Sebastian, slipping your arm through his.

“Not sure… But I love the atmosphere. I love working with children… I’ve spent the best days of my childhood on go-kart tracks like this.”

“I’ve seen some old videos. Everyone seemed to have fun.”

“The crowds were huge in Germany when I was little. It was expensive, but not as expensive as today.”

“I’ve seen an article about current F1 drivers and most of them have ridiculously rich fathers.”

“Yeah… times have changed.”

“Can you imagine all the wasted talent among poorer kids!”

“I just realized that… there are no German drivers in F1 anymore.“

“You need to become an agent and look for some fresh talent,” you suggest.

Sebastian stops, his eyes big as he looks at your face. “I have an idea.”

* * *

**_Two years later_ **

Everything is new. The buildings, the track, the decorations, the tress, the grass, and the flowers.

Sebastian hasn’t slept last night; he was so nervous. There was a storm – a first thunderstorm this Spring – that woke you up as well. But in the morning the sky cleared up and the weather is now perfect. The air is fresh, the sun is shining, the little one in your belly is kicking.

A couple more minutes and you’ll sit down. You only need to pose for a few pictures.

Surrounded by his famous friends, Sebastian cuts the ribbon to symbolically open his new karting school. The crowds gathered in the stands are waving German flags.

You smile, putting a hand on your massive belly.

“Here,” someone touches your shoulder. It’s Fabian, putting a folding chair on the ground. “Sit down.”

“Thank you.”

Sebastian starts a speech in German. You’re proud of yourself because you understand almost everything.

After you sold the house in Switzerland, you moved back to Heppenheim. The karting school is close to your home, Sebastian won’t have to travel far to get there.

“Thanks to all the sponsors, especially Toto and Helmut,” Sebastian bows his head to Toto Wolff and Helmut Marko standing next to him. “They invested in this school because we need more German, and Austrian talent. This is how I started my career, with my parents’ help. Today is not as easy… But if you are a kid who enjoys racing, you can always come here, you don’t need money. If you’re good, if you’re determined, Helmut will keep an eye on you…”

Helmut Marko, who only has one good eye after losing the left one in a racing accident, gives Seb a playful shove, saying something to his ear.

“No pun intended, I swear,” Sebastian laughs.

The sun’s so strong, you’re sweating, your feet are swollen. Sebastian doesn’t look too bad, but you know that he’s tired too.

After opening the first mini-race, he joins you in the stands. “How are you doing, pumpkin?” Pumpkin is your new nickname; he started calling you that when your belly started growing.

“Not bad…” you say, leaning forward to give him a little kiss. “Do you have a favourite for this race?” you ask.

Sebastian turns to the track, focusing on what’s going on. “No, it’s not my job. I just hope they will have fun and that they will keep coming back.”

“I’m sure they will.”

You both enjoy the race, admiring the “stewards” for keeping the track safe and taking care of the little racers when they have problems.

Everyone, apart from you, jumps into a standing ovation when the winner gets out of the kart and takes a helmet off.

You just puff, enjoying a momentary shade. Sebastian went to congratulate the winner and you can’t get up without help.

There’s a little podium next to the track. A girl who won the race is standing on the top step.

Sebastian hands her a shiny trophy with a Vettel-Kart logo engraved on it. You recall a video in which Michael Schumacher was handing a trophy to little Seb. Sebastian was often the smallest child on the podium.

He couldn’t win a championship with his dream team. His racing career ended prematurely because of the accident. But he is like his idol in many ways. The little racers are looking up to him. Who knows, maybe there’s a future F1 world champion on that podium, right now.

The little girl grins lifting the trophy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> When I started writing this story, I had no clear vision of where I wanted to go with it. It was an interesting journey, difficult at times. I know some of you will be sad that the story is ending, but I hope you don't regret the time spent reading it. I hope the ending is satisfying to you and that, maybe, it can console all of us during that stressful time when we're not certain about Sebastian's racing future.  
Thanks to everyone who dedicated their time to comment; it's always a pleasure to get positive feedback.


End file.
